I’m home without my kids and have cleaned the house, been for a run and now I’m just killing time thinking. Sorry if I ramble…..
So I’ve just spent the last 10 minutes going through my facebook and declutterring so to speak. And it got me thinking. So many people come in and out of your lives – some stay… and some are friends that are just visitors. Some are even friends of convenience. It really made me think about just what kind of people I have in my life. I recently posted a thread venting about people I know (not something I do often). And I kinda realised that MOST of the people that bother me – really needn’t because I’m pretty certain that at some stage down the track we’ll ‘unfriend’ each other…. And I don’t actually mean that as FB terminology – just that… the people that matter, the people that care, the people that are my ‘friends’ wouldn’t judge me anyway right??
So stay with me …. If you will – while I journey through my understanding of friendship.
Firstly there’s the ‘fun time’ friends. You know – that want to have a wine and catch a band and do anything carefree and fun. They’ll high five your stupidity – and possibly join in. They make you feel funny, exciting and free. They encourage you to head out… even if you’ve a tonne of work to do. Because you fuel each other’s positivity and recklessness. These friends are temporary. Almost the people in your life with the shortest friend span. But not quite……
The friends with the shortest friend span are the ‘ lean on me friends’ not genuine great friends that would obviously be supportive in times of need. But the people that sniff out trouble or drama and make themselves the most dependable crutch in your life. They’ll trip over others running to be at your aid. They’ll tell you how much they are there for you and you can ask them for anything. They’ll let you wipe your dripping nose and tears on their sleeves because they are that worried about you. But the moment you start smiling again – they’ll run for the hills. They won’t hold you hand if you want to skip along happily with them –but rather only if you need to be led or guided and held up. These friends mean well. But I possibly think that there may be more in the friendship for them than for you. Perhaps that feeling of helping others makes them feel better about themselves. The sad thing is – these are the kind of friends you’d actually like to smile with.
Next we have the ‘drama friends’. They type that are in your pocket the moment they think you may have something juicy. The ones that want to be in the thick of the drama just so they know the ins and outs. The kind that try to gently pry information from you – to later use for their own entertainment. In my eyes – these are the friends that you have to be most wary of. They may be good people deep down. But if they are gossiping and *****ing to you – chances are they are also gossiping and *****ing ABOUT you.
One of my favourite type of friends are the ‘long term friends’. These are the friends that you knew long before you even kissed a boy. They are the friends that you can not see for 5 years then catch up and chat like it was only yesterday you’d seen each other. You feel comfortable with them all the time. You don’t need to talk often – but you’ll always be friends. You may have even had stages of being the best of friends – to barely knowing if they are alive. But things are easy and fluid and you are genuinely happy whenever you catch up. There’s no expectation of contact and you both go your separate ways again – but if you were to get married again in 50 years time they’d have a seat at the table for sure.
Another kind of friend – that I’m not so fond of is the ‘competitive friend’. They are the kind that no matter how well your baby sleeps – theirs sleeps better. If your child is naughty theirs is a saint. If your life is crazy busy – theirs is a piece of cake. You couldn’t possibly be funnier, smarter, prettier. healthier, cleaner or more organised than them. In fact if you dare to ‘one up’ them (in their eyes) with say a new purchase or promotion – well they’ll make it their mission to crawl back to the people standing on people in the process if necessary. Or they’ll make you feel so silly about what ever it is that you are proud of because it’s laughable really that you could find happiness in a place that they couldn’t. These people are really not ‘friends’ at all. I think the term perhaps is - to keep your enemy closer?? Because really – friends don’t make friends feel anything other than wonderful.
Then there are your best friends. (sometimes family – not so in my case). But these are the people you wish you were related to. They are the friends that would give you half their umbrella and get their left side wet in the rain. They’ll laugh with you, cry with you and be amazingly bluntly honest with you. Not because they want to hurt you – But because they care about you and actually want to protect you. These friends hate anyone that hurts you even more than you do. They’ll not let others speak of you in an unsavoury manner – even it’s true , because they love you. They’ll hold you up if your legs give way until you can walk again. They’ll also share in your secrets, your excitement and your fears. They’ll know you – like you don’t know yourself and they will be there for you and accept you regardless of your flaws. They’ll move heaven and earth to be at any important event in your life…... Just because it means something to you. They’ll forgive you when you make mistakes, they’ll hold your hand if it’s needed. No matter what you throw at them they’ll take it and cuddle you after - even if you are unreasonable or irrational. When you think no one else has your back, you can free fall – and this is the kind of friend that will always catch you. And you’d do the exact same thing in return.
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19-04-2012 16:12 #1
My understanding of friendship....
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19-04-2012 17:37 #2-
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very well written and i love your descriptions!
honestly i dont waste my time with people who arent 'real' friends
i have 'party' friends but ive known them 10 years, and still catch up for fun. they dont have kids (or have older ones than me) so its not as often as i like.
everyone else that i call a friend is supportive, thoughtful and caring.
i have one friend ive known for 18yrs who i disagree with on a lot of things, but she was also the first person to text offering support when my mil passed away. she pretty much the only person who i tolerate some of her views.
ut then i guess i dont have a huge social circle anymore, but rather 3 or 4circles which never overlap
19-04-2012 17:45 #3
I like it! although i think sometimes there's some overlap?
i think i'm a bit spoilt rotten, because out of the people i see regularly/spend time with - they're all friends i've known since we were children, or they're the friends that are family.
But I actually think that the 'lean on me' friend concept can go both ways. because i read that paragraph and felt my stomach drop out, because i am the kind of friend who is there for people when they're having a crap time. Not because it makes me feel fantastic, but because i can be, kwim?
So what about the friends who always have something going wrong? Not so much that they are being competitive or full of drama (although they often go hand in hand), but there's always the subtle 'heeeeeelp, why will nobody help me?'
and then obviously you help and as soon as they're back on their feet they go back to their 'real' friends (who cbf helping while they weren't on their feet?)
i think we've just figured out why i have such a weeded out friendship group I like to be there for my friends come rain or shine. so i've only got friends that let me be there for them (and who, afaik, want to be there for me)
19-04-2012 18:08 #4
I didn't mean to make anyone feel bad. I've actually been all of these friends to somebody throughout my life. For sure people can be two types or more as well. This is all based on my perception of friends of course
There's also 'new friends' which haven't migrated yet to another category
19-04-2012 18:29 #5Senior Member
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- Sep 2010
Another excellent well written thread TBM! I really enjoy reading your posts.
I thought my friends where in the "long term friend" or "Best Friends" category, however since having my DD I have no idea what they fit into, our friendship has changed so much because I'm the first to have a child and none of them really understand what that is like instead they just get annoyed at me that I can't go out all the time at the drop of a hat and I don't talk to them as often.
Sorry don't mean to ramble all about me!
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19-04-2012 18:52 #6
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19-04-2012 19:33 #7
Thats deep :-)
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19-04-2012 21:28 #8-
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I have a (very small) handfull of friends,
(actually I can count on my hands how many friends I have) most fall into both the good times and long term friends :/
Our catching up isnt often but it always involves drinking and partying (which is why I've kind of dropped off the radar, I dont drink and I dont party, I like to be at home and playing the sims late at night not out freezing my @rse off at the pub)
19-04-2012 21:50 #9
I've just realised ...... I've never had a best friend I've had all the others just not the BF ....... How sad for me! Boohoo .....!
19-04-2012 21:52 #10
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