Totally unreasonable. We gave DS a dummy as sometimes he didnt want to be fed he just wanted to suck something for comfort. Happy bub = happy mum
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15-04-2012 06:39 #11
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15-04-2012 07:34 #12Bubhub Ambassador - tongue in cheek
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I'm usually all for dads/mums having equal say.
But in this instance I think you need to ask your DP if he is willing to do equal amounts of settling as you do. If not, then I don't think he has the right to comment on how you settle (within reason of course).
Slightly off topic but kinda not, the other day DH thought he'd give me the run down on the most efficient/cost effective way to wash the clothes, throwing in some negative comments about the way I do it.. DH has not so much put on a load of washing in the last 3 years. I told him in no uncertain terms, that as long as I wash 'washer women' I would wash the clothes however/whenever I so choose.
15-04-2012 07:44 #13
I was in the same boat as you. DH didn't want her to have the dummy so she was using me instead. I was exhausted! So when he said, with a disapproving look " I don't want her to have a dummy" I said harshly back "well YOU try and settle her!"
Needless to say she now has the dummy to go to sleep. Never has it whilst she is awake.
He needs to be able to look at from your side and understand how tiring it can be.
Hope u are able to work something out soon. Good luck.
15-04-2012 07:50 #14
Personally, dummies never interferred with my breastfeeding, i breastfed my daughter until she was one with no issues. The recommendation is to try & avoid them until breastfeeding is well established at around 6-8 weeks for most people, but i used one for my daughter a week into her life as she would not stop screaming regardless of feeds or settling techniques & the nurses told me to give it a try & it worked for me. You just have to balance it out i.e. if you can wait maybe do that, if the issues are too much for you then a dummy might be the better of the two evils so to speak.
There are some positives to using dummies as well, they have been linked with lowering the incidence of SIDS & they seem to provide comfort for babies who are in the oral stage of life & often seek comfort with their mouth. Providng you dont substitute the dummy for feeds & use sparingly, there should not be any real problems in using one if it is solving the issue of settling the baby.
It is far better to have a baby with its dummy in its mouth than a stressed baby & mum.
Even in eastern & cultures they used dummies, often made of cloth or natural fibres shaped like a teat.
If it works, use it.
Maybe show your husband some of the literature around dummies - alot of people have very old school opinions about them but they can be a godsend for both mum & baby & in the end everything has negatives, but you have to weigh things up based on your own specific situation. For me, a dummy was a godsend with my daughter - but my son refuses to take one…different strokes for different folks.
Good luck with it all & i agree with the other posters that your husband should see what it is like to settle the baby before he makes judgement.
Last edited by Ulysses; 15-04-2012 at 08:00.
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15-04-2012 07:51 #15
I would just start giving it to bubby, if it helps settle her, really what's he going to do when it works and when he sees both you and bubby happier!
15-04-2012 08:54 #16
I would telling him that your baby will be using a dummy, otherwise everytime bub is unsettled, he will have to deal with it.
Or better yet, tell him the baby can suck on his nipples for comfort. Im pretty sure he would go for a dummy.
As for the dummy looks horrible? IMO a screaming, upset baby looks 100x worse then a dummy.
15-04-2012 10:09 #17
Thanks so much for your replies, I'm told him this morning that if dd refuses to settle today for more than 30 mins when he is at work (again) the dummy will be in her mouth when he gets home. I know he'll spit it and not talk to me for awhile but in the end some babies need to suck more than others... So he can deal with it.
Can you tell I'm tired
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15-04-2012 10:31 #18
He's a big boy. He can deal with it if he gets upset. At the end of the day, he's not the one at home with the kids and he's not the one trying to settle a baby with his boob. You need sleep, time for yourself and if a dummy comforts your baby then that's all that matters.
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15-04-2012 11:50 #19
DH tried that too and pointed out that I've got two naturally occurring dummies on my person. I pointed out that he did too!!
Needless to say that he agreed to their usage but DD decided to literally spit it out at 2 wks and has never gone back.
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15-04-2012 11:58 #20Child led parent here...save me :)
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- Feb 2010
Your caring for bubs you make the decision. If she is not due for a feed and he wants to settle her then he doesn't have to use the dummy. DP found it really hard not having a say in so many things because he wasn't caring for DD the most of the time.
I was always willing to try it his way for a little while because I so wanted him to be apart of her parenting but we both decided ultimately a functioning happy household was better then a 'right' one.
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