Closed Thread
Page 1 of 6 123 ... LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 51
  1. #1
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Posts
    106
    Thanks
    9
    Thanked
    40
    Reviews
    0

    Default Partner, PS3, porn and me

    A bit of a backstory but here goes:

    When DP and I started seeing each other almost 4 years ago I was in the best shape of my life, I had just lost 15kilos so I had gotten down to 58kgs and felt absolutely fantastic, fit energetic, good social life etc.

    Then because of his work schedule (he works Saturdays) the only real day we got to spend together was Sunday my Saturday social scene died off.
    He would control his pS3 time. sometimes I would play but other times I would go and find something else to do, even although a lot of my single girlfriends just faded away.

    Then we moved in together and turns out I was 8 weeks pregnant! We were both pretty excited.
    My pregnancy was a bit rough, I had really high blood pressure and morning sickness controlled by medication all the way through. I felt pretty rotten and my weight ballooned.

    After the baby was born (and even now) I struggled, I had a c section and my son would not sleep - in order to get sleep I began to cosleep.
    At no time would DP take the baby and let me get some rest even though he took the first month off work. He spent all his time playing PS3.

    About 4 weeks after having my son, I found a bunch of porn mags by accident, all dated during my last month of pregnancy. I have never had a problem with it aside from the secrecy, but this floored me.

    I was shattered but I didn't say anything, our sex life was pretty pathetic and sleep next to non existent, does any girl feel attractive with baby sick in her hair no time for a shower and no sleep?

    By the time DS was 5 months I tried to put him down for the night on his own and was BEGGING, crying for DP to take the baby and try to get him to sleep just once to give me a break and all he said was I don't know how to help you and went downstairs.

    I was gutted, he had gone downstairs to play PS3 and the next day I went to do some Internet banking and there was porn.

    I had been ditched at a desperate time for playstation and porn.

    He denied it and denied it but when I flew home to see my parents I asked over the phone and finally he came clean.

    The secrecy and the lying p*sses me off.

    All the time I was trying to sensibly lose weight while maintaining my breastmilk supply, couldnt figure out why I was gaining weight - turns out I was pregnant again (mini pill failed) and now I'm 33wks and huge again.

    He asked me to fix something on his phone last night and what do you know I was smacked in the face by more porn.

    He says that he's attracted and dedicated to me but I just don't feel it. I want to feel attractive and just be a girl for 5 minutes instead of mum constantly and he says my lack of self confidence is destroying us but I feel like he wants the video games and the porn more than me.

    Any conversation just ends with me being called a bunch of names and feeling worse.

    How do I feel better about this?

  2. The Following User Says Thank You to bohogirls For This Useful Post:

    emena  (09-06-2012)

  3. #2
    rainbow road's Avatar
    rainbow road is offline look at the stars, look how they shine for you
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Location
    in a glass case of emotion
    Posts
    12,446
    Thanks
    1,195
    Thanked
    8,105
    Reviews
    3
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 posts
    I have no advice, just hugs. I hope someone ca offer you some better words soon

  4. #3
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Posts
    5,613
    Thanks
    1,646
    Thanked
    2,410
    Reviews
    6
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    I'm so sorry. I don't think you can feel better about this - the situation needs to change, not how you feel about it. He was there when your babies were made, they are his responsibility too.

    I highly recommend counseling. He needs to give you more of his time and energy. I think you need to set up some guidelines for what is acceptable behaviour, a counselor will help you do this. Also, a third party will often get the message through better than you can as there's too much emotion.

    I wish I had better advice for you but I really hope he wakes up and realizes what he's going to miss out on if this continues. You really need him to be supportive before bub#2 arrives.

  5. The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to Cue For This Useful Post:

    LotusMum  (13-04-2012),lovesushi  (13-04-2012),MilkingMaid  (13-04-2012),SuperGranny  (13-04-2012)

  6. #4
    SuperGranny's Avatar
    SuperGranny is offline Worlds best grandma! Winner 2012 - Most Helpful Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Location
    sunshine coast qld
    Posts
    6,322
    Thanks
    4,822
    Thanked
    2,921
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    hi, I agree, you dont need to feel better about this, he needs to change. You need his support and he needs to stop being so selfish. The p0rn and ps3 are for his 'entertainment', he has to give you at least as much attention as you give him. I guess you take care of the house, the little one, his washing, his meals, and give him at least a kiss hello/goodbye every day. He is doing all the taking, when is he going to start giving.?? councilling might be a good starting point. hugs, Marie.

  7. The Following User Says Thank You to SuperGranny For This Useful Post:

    Mysurprisebaby  (13-04-2012)

  8. #5
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Posts
    1,363
    Thanks
    467
    Thanked
    357
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Maybe sit him down and at length discuss your feelings. I would even keep a diary of what he does and what you do (i.e 5pm you bathed baby, he plays PS3. 6pm you cook dinner, he plays PS3 etc). That may help him realize just how much you are doing and he isn't. Sometimes when men play consoles they lose time and touch with reality and that may help draw his attention to it. Worst case scenario is stay away at mums or a friends for a couple of days and explain that you can't continue down this path. This may be the wake up call he needs.

    You deserve better than this and you shouldn't be coming second to porn and a stupid console!

  9. #6
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Posts
    261
    Thanks
    231
    Thanked
    58
    Reviews
    0
    Totally tmi alert for the following..!!
    I'm 33 weeks of too and feel completely unattractive.. But I've started to make the effort for bj's and whatnot and trying to incorporate the 'assistance' into our sex life.

    I'm very paranoid about having another preemie so dont want to dtd but i also know that guys are guys and they have more primal instincts and needs than women.

    Not to say that he is in the right, I think if you make the effort he might in turn. Maybe seductively suggest that if he helps with the baby tonight.. You might be more than willing to 'assist' him. Iykwim..

  10. #7
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Location
    Home, where my life lies waiting, silently, for me.
    Posts
    8,989
    Thanks
    3,308
    Thanked
    1,659
    Reviews
    11
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    i think you need some couples counselling.
    it sounds like hes still living his seperate life full of fun and games while you struggle.
    d also sit down and work out a chores division, if hes not helping withthe kids, then he can do his own cooking and laundry etc instead of leisure activities.
    or he can start parenting.

  11. #8
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Posts
    19,776
    Thanks
    5,212
    Thanked
    7,063
    Reviews
    1
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 postsRuby Star - 15,000 posts
    Agree with trish. You both need some assistance - it sounds like he hasn't learned that he's 1. not a teenage boy and 2. you're not his mother/maid.

    Seriously, take a month of work to play games? That's not on and you shouldn't have to go through that again when you have another newborn.

    I expect more from my 6 year old TBH.

  12. #9
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Location
    in a wormhole
    Posts
    2,770
    Thanks
    4,604
    Thanked
    2,813
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    So he blames your lack of self confidence for the relationship not being healthy, but calls you names and chooses p0rn over spending time with you and his baby. And he doesn't see the connection between a partner being neglected and insulted and low self esteem??

    Its never okay to call you names, blame you for everything, offer no support, and shirk his responsibilities. I really don't see that you can feel better about this situation, and nor should you. The situation needs to change.

    If he calls you names, stop him. Tell him that he's free to discuss issues, but if he plain insults you the conversation ends. And then see if he'll go to counselling for you to negotiate a better way to support each other and get some balance back in your lives.

    Good luck.

  13. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to MissMuppet For This Useful Post:

    Jenga  (14-04-2012),River Song  (13-04-2012)

  14. #10
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    Posts
    2,995
    Thanks
    1,382
    Thanked
    2,879
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Hon, you guys really need to talk and he needs to understand how this makes you feel. You need his help, not to made to feel threatened. I don't recommend offering b.low jobs in exchange for parenting help. Nor do I recommend performing sex acts if you are feeling unsexy. What kind of a man would want that? Not any decent bloke.

  15. The Following 10 Users Say Thank You to Alexander Beetle For This Useful Post:

    Chocolate All Gone Now  (14-04-2012),emzluvbub  (14-04-2012),Etienne  (13-04-2012),jacobsmamma  (14-04-2012),Jenga  (14-04-2012),LoveHeart  (13-04-2012),MilkingMaid  (13-04-2012),moongazer  (16-04-2012),shelle65  (13-04-2012),Stiflers Mom  (13-04-2012)


 
Closed Thread
Page 1 of 6 123 ... LastLast

Similar Threads

  1. Does your DH/DP look at porn?
    By cookiedough in forum General Chat
    Replies: 89
    Last Post: 25-05-2015, 15:00

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
FEATURED SUPPORTER
Baby Car Seats and Infant Car RestraintsBuying a baby car seat? Check out our 'go-to' links here!
REVIEWS
"Pigeon teats rule!"
by Alex
Pigeon PP Wide Neck reviews ›
"Wonderful natural Aussie made product!"
by Mrstwr
Baby U Goat Milk Moisturiser reviews ›
"Replaced good quality with cheap tight nappies"
by Kris
Coles Comfy Bots Nappies reviews ›