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  1. #1
    Buttoneska's Avatar
    Buttoneska is offline Winner 2010- Most Community Minded Thread Award
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    Default WARNING-pos distressing. whats enough to make you severe ties with close family?

    Everyone probably has a different line in the sand, but I'm curious as to where it would be or has Bern with close family like parents or siblings?

    Please be respectful of everyones situations, some ppl have experienced things that touch them deeply. If it was enough to cut off loved ones,it must be significant to them do pls don't judge or minimalise ito

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    My now 18 yr old daughter told me when she was 14 that her paternal granddad sexually abused her from 4 - 9 yrs of age. She pressed charges 2 yrs ago and we have had the committal hearing and it goes to trial this October. That was it for me and the siblings who have their own children. Both grandparents have no contact with any of the grandchildren. Grandma knew it was going on and turned a blind eye. Part of the reason she went ahead with the charges is that my ex husband continues to see his dad and even works with him. It has forever damaged their relationship. He doesn't agree with Going to court either. Now she is an adult she will be cross examined in court and he is worried about the consequences of this. She is such a strong girl and can't wait to face him in court. I am so proud of her.

    If it were my parents I would do the same- cut ties completely- pity her dad doesn't see it that way.

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    My line in the sand is not a very long one!


    Aside from the major ones like physical/sexual abuse, I will drop you like a hot potato for overstepping what I consider boundaries.

    I have cut all ties with DHs family, they are nasty people, trying to break us up repeatedly, saying things to my face and then denying it, trying to threaten me, doing and saying all sorts of nasty things. Years of that behaviour is not acceptable and as a result they will never see me again, or have the chance to know our beautiful daughter or any future kids!


    My family are pretty good! We have out battles but even then its nothing huge!
    The only one I havenan issue with is my sisters, violent, unstable, steriod
    addict husband. He controls every aspect of her life, and has threatened DH when DH asked him over for xmas lunch.
    Not that I care about him, but my sister is due to give birth in a week and I
    wont be able to meet the baby until she feels up to driving here to see me
    Its not worth the risk to try and visit, he is just too volatile. Even off the steroids he is violent.

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    headoverfeet's Avatar
    headoverfeet is offline The truth will set you free, but first it will **** you off. -Gloria Steinem
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    Sexual abuse, sibling.

    Being constantly excluded from family gatherings, the rest of my siblings.

    Refusing to visit us for 5 years then jumping on the first plane when their DD gets married, spending 2 weeks prior to the wedding with DD and her fiancé and family, coming to visit us after but refusing to stay with us, not showing up until lunchtime and only coming every second day because they have spent the morning walking on the beach or having a lazy breakfast at a cafe or are off visiting old friends despite the fact that their only 3 grandchildren (2 of whom they have never met, one they have met once) are waiting to see them. The last straw was showing up at lunchtime for our planned day trip out demanding to know when we were leaving and getting ****ty when they got told it was 1pm and too late to go now! Oh not to mention refusing to stop over to visit us from an over seas trip even though we offered to pay for flight because you wouldn't have any summer clothes! The in laws.

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    Buttoneska's Avatar
    Buttoneska is offline Winner 2010- Most Community Minded Thread Award
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    for me I think I would only cut my dad or sisters out of my life if they did something to my kids. I would have to put my kids first.

    My family is complicated but we tend to do the stick together thing - dad has done things and failed us in pretty much ever way a parent can fail a kid, but he has his own limitations and deep down is a kind man. Sometimes my husband says I am like a battered housewife who can't cut ties with him, but I dunno - perhaps its true, but sometimes life isn't black and white.

    Like I said, for any kids I had - I would cut out anyone who hurt them.

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    Allymumtobe is offline Winner 2012 - Most Optimistic Poster
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    I'm a constantly moving my line in the sand person however I have a potential line in the sand moment coming dh's father is a convicted paedo who is being released in 18 months dh lives in denial any cut his dad off which I'd fine for him but my babies will be nowhere near him!!!

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    I think that if a person is poisonous to you, makes you feel worthless, brings out the worst in you, abuses you emotionally or physically, then they're out.
    Family or friends, I don't think it should matter. If its broken, it's broken for a reason.
    People need to fill their life with love, support, security and people who will help bring out the best in them. We come across many poisonous people in our lives who judge us, put us down or who try to change us.
    Family should be loving, kind, supportive and accepting.

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    I would only cut ties with family if they did something to hurt my children. I tend to be the peace keeper and always try to make things work with family and friends.

    Unfortunately, one of my half sisters (Dads first marriage) has cut my entire family out of her life after Dad died. She has a lot of abandonment feelings, even though dad was very much there for her her entire life, he had a new family as well, and she didn't deal well with that. I tried so hard to fix the relationship over and over again, but I kept getting shut down, so eventually I gave up.

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    What Darkcherry said, couldn't agree more!

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    Emotional and verbal abuse, past history of physical abuse. Mind games. Lying. Psychopathic and narcissistic behaviour.

    It started with me cutting my dad out after he called me, drunk, one night and put DF and I down, and accused us of things they knew nothing about. It was a long time coming, after he physically abused me in 2007, and repeatedly made me feel intimidated.

    I then cut my mother out when it became apparent that she was accusing my DF of abusing and isolating me. She bad mouthed him to all that would listen, and even started to bad mouth my in-laws. They obtained our new address through hiring a PI after I made it CLEAR that we did not want them to have our new address. I told her no more. Same for my brother.

    My children do not deserve to see their parents be treated like crap by their grandparents. I was not going to send the wrong message to my parents and let them get away with what they have done, and continue to do.


 

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