IMy DH also told me he wants another baby. Our DD is also 8 months. Although I didn't have pnd I did have a nightmare time getting breast feeding established and it took a good 6 weeks for my DD to Start breast feeding (tongue tie baby). I want anther child but I also worry about going through all that stress again in the early weeks. Hopefully others that have been in this position previously can give advice but I just wanted to offer support.
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12-04-2012 22:56 #11
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12-04-2012 22:56 #12
Seriously, it's easy to get carried away with the romantic notion of another baby but a baby and an 18 month old is very hard work, especially when you have PND.
I think if you have time on your side then u should wait till your baby is more independent. It would also be better to have time to process the decision.
When you are ready, I think the choice will be easier and you will feel less burdened by the decision.
Just my opinion of course. I wish you peace in making your decision.
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12-04-2012 23:09 #13
As someone who suffered pnd and elected to deal with it without meds I trusted my body to know when I would be able to deal with another pg. You can say 'hey I want another one' but sometimes 'fate' I guess has other plans. I had put in alot of work understanding myself before saying ' I can do this'.. I do still have moments of panic, doubting myself.
Babies are hard work , no question what so ever but I feel as though my pnd came from a place where I didn't believe in myself. Not every method of parenting works for everyone and you need to find a way that works for you. Not everyone can be a sahm(me) not everyone can deal with sleep deprivation ect ect. My pnd taught me that I have the strength to deal with obstacles life throws at me. I think being in a comfortable place with yourself before making the decision is essential though!
Last edited by MumDadBoyandGirl; 12-04-2012 at 23:12.
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12-04-2012 23:21 #14
Hi Cue (and everyone else who find themselves in the same situation)
I completely understand where you are coming from. I always wanted at least two children, but was so traumatised after experiencing severe PND with my firstborn that I initially thought "never again". After a while I started opening up to the idea of perhaps having another child a couple of years down the track. However, it didn't turn out that way for us, I "accidentally" became pregnant again when DD was 8 months old and I still was recovering from my first bout of PND.
This is only my anecdotal experience, but I found that it was a lot more challenging to be pregnant the second time around; having another child to look after. Your daughter is a lot older than my DD was, so you might find it a bit easier than I did.
I developed AND, but that was due to a lot of other stressors in my life. If you feel supported, have your depression under control and don't have other current stressors in your life, you might cope very well.
I have to say though, that for me; having another baby has been a lot more pleasurable this second time around. A lot of people will tell you that the second born is "easier" and I know that it isn't true for everyone - but it certainly was for me. Firstly, a lot of the anxieties that we experience as first time mothers are no longer present. We are more knowledgeable and might also use the hindsight as a way to guide us the second time around. For example; the first time around I had a very difficult time breastfeeding and by 4 months my DD was entirely weaned. The second time around I went about bfing in a different way, and was a lot more confident in my choices. The second time I was also better at putting boundaries in place with intrusive family members, etc. That being said, every kid is different, so they still continue to throw us.
Secondly, we are a lot more aware of the warning signs of PND, so that we better can monitor our mental health and reach out for support if needed. I tried to put in place as much support as possible during my pregnancy, so that everything was on standby for when my little bloke was born. I didn't end up utilising all of this support, but it was reassuring to know that it was there.
There are times I wish that I had more time to give DD undivided attention, but then I look at her and her little brother (who now is 10 months old) and it all makes sense to me. And like you say, it is nice to have them so close in age that the "baby stage" is over with in a couple of years, and that the children hopefully will develop close relationships due to being so close in age.
Research shows that women who experienced PND with their firstborn are at greater risk of experiencing PND with subsequent pregnancies. It is often recommend to wait until a year after having a baby, and/or you have recovered completely from the PND. It certainly doesn't mean that it always happens again, but it is worth taking into consideration.
Sorry that I have not been very helpful. It is such a difficult decision to make when you have gone through PND in the past. Perhaps talk to your DH about your concerns and hesitation, so that you he is better equipped to support you.
I wish you all the best, please let us know how you go.
Last edited by MuminMind; 12-04-2012 at 23:43.
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13-04-2012 07:02 #15
I agree with you though, I think if I was truly ready it would be an easy decision.
13-04-2012 07:20 #16
Being a full time SAHM isn't for me either, going back to work part time has done wonders for my mental health and I find it a great balance. Maybe a bit more time getting my old self back will do me good before we go for another baby.
13-04-2012 07:40 #17
DH also keeps reminding me that we'll know what to look for next time, both with the PND and the issues DD had, so I know in some ways it will be easier and less anxious.
What sort of support did you line up? I don't really have family close by, my parents live 3 hours away and DHs are 1 hour away (they are great but sometimes are more stressful to have around than helpful!). I will definitely start seeing my psychologist again when I do fall pregnant so that I can start preparing myself and deal with any anxiety quickly.
Ok so I think I have decided to wait a few more months. I have just started taking Elevit again and given that it's best to take it for 3 months before falling pregnant, I'll use the next 3 months to enjoy DD and some of the freedoms we have now that I'm earning an income again and DD is easier to take out and about with us. I was also quite fit when I was pregnant with DD and want to be again next time around - I think it really helped me have a great pregnancy and gave me the stamina for a long labour. I also haven't eaten enough soft cheese! Lol.
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