So DH surprised me over the weekend. We were sitting in the park, enjoying a bit of champagne and watching DD play with the grass and torment the dogs, just enjoying that DD is now at a nice age where we can do these things again. Then DH looked at me and said "we should have another baby". I was like, yeah sure, one day. But he means now!
DD is only 8mo, I had PND after having her and have in the last couple of months finally started feeling like my old self again. DD was a very unsettled newborn and had terrible reflux thanks to CMPI and I had to give up BF. It was a very challenging first 3 months and for a while i didn't think I could cope with ever having another baby. I also returned to work 2 weeks ago and am enjoying being in the workplace again.
I always wanted 2 kids but I'm scared of getting PND again and not being able to cope, especially if we have problems in the first few months like with DD. I don't think DH really understands what it will be like - I think he likes the idea of a couple of kids but I don't know if he realizes the reality. We also had a lot of trouble conceiving and I don't know that I'm ready for that roller coaster just yet.
On the other hand I can see some good things about doing it soon. Our kids will be close in age so hopefully will be great playmates, we'll be done having babies and through the sleepless nights/nappies/teething/etc sooner, and we'll be less likely to miss out on having that second bub (early menopause is common in my family).
Ok I'll stop rambling - what did you do to prepare for a second baby? What really helped make it easier? In particular if you had PND how did you manage a new baby with a toddler in tow?
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10-04-2012 12:55 #1
How do you prepare for a second baby? Especially with PND...
10-04-2012 13:40 #2
I had pnd the first time and had my second child 14 months after my first. My pnd was really linked to a traumatic birth experience and a lack of sleep so I made sure my first son was sleeping through the night before #2 arrived and I did my best to ensure the birth gave me a better start into motherhood the second time around (which it did). I also took my placenta which I found also helped a lot, if I was having a rough day or was feeling tired hubby would remind me to take some and I would feel better within a few hours
I didn't receive treatment for my pnd until I was already UTD my advice is to ensure your pnd is under control I found it very hard in the beginning of the pregnancy with a child who didn't sleep well and trying to manage that first trimester nausea/fatigue.
Eta I didn't have pnd the second nor 3rd time.
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10-04-2012 13:49 #3
I'm subscribing here because i'm pretty much in a similar position as you OP. My DP wants another one and i'm still battling with depression. I have depression on and off and had PND after having my first, she was a terrible sleeper and I was just exhausted. I have recently had a relapse and am back on my medication so currently not trying to conceive but just waiting for things to settle down.
Thermolicious, what do you mean by you took your placenta? I vaguely remember reading a thread about eating placenta a while ago and it was mostly people going on about how grossed out they were, i'm honestly intrigued, how did you "take it"? I've heard stories about it helping with PND so would love to hear your story.
OP good luck with everything!
10-04-2012 14:00 #4
I didn't have diagnosed PND after #1, but I might have had either PND or mild PTSD as I had a pretty traumatic birth experience with #1 and spent a lot of his first year with flashbacks to the birth and there were lots of tears that year. He also had silent reflux which was horrendous and resulted in lots of screaming and minimal sleep for a long time.
I was worried about going back for #2 and although at the time I was pregnant with #1 my dh & I had planned for 4 kids, we weren't even sure for a while we'd go back for #2. It took us 18 months to even say we were game to *think* about a 2nd at some point. Shortly thereafter we were emotionally ready, but things got in the way (silly life!) and we ended up with nearly a 5 year age gap.
I made sure I had a better support network this time, with helpers during my pregnancy (I was pretty sick) and people lined up to help afterwards. #2 is usually easier anyway, cause it's not such a steep learning curve, so that stress is taken care of. I had a rough pregnancy emotionally, so I second the recommendation of having bub#1 sleeping well & you feeling as good as possible emtionally before going back for #2 as a starter. Then get your help plans in place and strategies and ask for help early & often.
My dd does not have reflux and slept well from a week of age, after a pretty uneventful birth. It's been a very pleasant parenting experience 2nd time around, an amazing difference to #1. dd & I are grinning at each other as I type this .
All the best!
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10-04-2012 15:13 #5
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10-04-2012 15:43 #6
10-04-2012 21:38 #7
10-04-2012 21:57 #8Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jun 2010
Wow I was just summoning up the strength to write a similar post. Dh wants to start trying for number 2 straight away. I also have a case off early menopause in my family (mid30's) so the clock is ticking. It took nine months with number 1 but that was just not being careful and not actively trying opk's temp monitoring indeed even knowing roughly when I was ovulating. I have learned so much since joining bub hub.the only thing I did differently the month I conceived was sticking my legs up in the air after dtd!
So do "we" have another and risk our depression either worsening or returning.
DH said it was cruel to only have one kid in that they don't have anyone once their parents pass away.
I also need surgery but my specialist has said that I should wait until I have completed my family. So I suppose that is an additional factor to consider.
decisions decisions, also to complicate things I am really overweight at the minute would you try to lose weight before FTC or figure like me and eat healthily whine pregnant and then do a big weight loss thing afterwards. I have at least 25 kilos to use maybe 30.
11-04-2012 01:39 #9Junior Member
- Join Date
- Mar 2012
Wow, a lot to consider there... And if you are blessed enough to have one more crack at it and you can handle the physical/emotional roller coaster, I would do it... It's only what 9 or 10 months then you have this beautiful addition to the fam and hopefully a good support system to take care of the bub while you're recovering from surgery... And as far as being overweight. There is a website that I found helpful called choosemyplate.org. It's an American site (I'm in Australia now, can't tell if you are too) but it sets up your profile and your daily activity and calorie goals, it asks if your pregnant, it gives meal suggestions... Anyway the point is the baby is going to take what it needs and if you follow a balanced healthy diet... You will loose the extra pounds. The babe will use it up (yay) combine that with a bit of exercise and you'll be a happy momma. Hope this helps!
12-04-2012 22:37 #10
Shamelessly bumping again. I'm quite conflicted about this, currently leaning towards waiting a bit longer. I'd really like your tips for practical things to do/prepare that will help. Or just any advice or reassurance that it's not going to be a terrifying ordeal!!
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