I've had that happen to me and I'm not even pregnant yet!
DH and I got married at 23 and our now TTC. I only really still speak to one friend, even my best friend doesn't have the time of day for me sometimes. She's still in party mode.
I really want to join a mothers group after we have a bub
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22-04-2012 19:43 #31
22-04-2012 20:25 #32
I'm a mum in my 20s and I can honestly say that my close friends have hung around.
Yes what we do is different now to pre baby but we catch up fortnightly at least. Mind you I was still clubbing with them first pregnancy round till I was 7mths. Then we did dinners/museum/galleries etc
I make an effort to at least every second catch up to be baby free and let them decide the venue, usually theatre/ museum/ dinner/ lunch/ movie. Other times it's parks or walks by the river or coffee at my place.
I also try to keep at least half the convo baby free- they are my friends not DDs. I read the books we are into, watch the shows that interest them and try in other ways to keep in the loop.
Also being child free they probably think you are too busy with bub. Tell them that you have booked every second thurs free for them. And stick to it! People like being appreciated.
Friendships are like all relationships. You need to work to keep them up. Now I'm heavily pregnant with my second the girls visit me at home cos they know I'm tired. And they bring coffee/cake
I also have new mummy friends from Playgroup and mothers group. Also from the library, pcyc kindergym etc.
Last edited by Rose&Aurelia&Hannah; 22-04-2012 at 20:32.
22-04-2012 21:13 #33Senior Member
- Join Date
- Apr 2012
When I had my first I was 21 and all my friends were about 30 years old but were having their first baby or had a young one too. Don't focus on the age cause you might find some a little older but will get along great as they are at the same stage of life as you.
22-04-2012 21:21 #34
I'm 34 weeks pregnant now. Don't know what it will be like after I give birth, but surprisingly, I've found my childfree by choice friends to be the most excited about the pending arrival of the spawn , rubbing my belly, suggesting outrageous names and bringing the topic up in every joke ("I was only a teeny bit intoxicated" "Yeah, and D is only a teeny bit pregnant" ).
I think it depends on the quality of the friends you had before baby, and the way you act after baby. If your friends are just into having a great time pre-baby, they will disappear quite quickly once baby arrives and you aren't able to go clubbing etc. As sad as it is, they are probably better out of your life if they are jerks like that. It can also be the case that when we get pregnant or have a baby, that is all we talk about and probably don't even realise we are doing it, and being on the receiving end of that is pretty painful (been there!).
At the moment I am limiting facebook and in person talk about babies and pregnancy, making sure I talk about other things as well and making sure I make an effort with my friends during this stage. I also don't drink or club (I've never had the energy!), so the friends I had prior to getting pregnant were the types that would accept me even if this was the case.
I had a friendship break-up prior to becoming pregnant with a friend who was being a jerk while I was TTC. Best decision.
Put yourself out there as much as possible to have more opportunities to make friends with other mums, and good luck
22-04-2012 23:21 #35
I'm 36weeks and just about to pop and already my childless friends are saying it's "the end of my social world and money" however they are an minority.
I've had the opposite reaction as all my friends had kids very young (18+) so I'm finally joining the mum club at 24/25.
But from someone who was on the other side of the fence for years I honestly still tried to keep in contact with them, just it is a different phase of life when your mummy brain kicks in.
At the time I was single doing single things or having a boyfriend not a husband, no interest in babies or commitment.
You don't mean to cut your friends out, You just find your lifestyle changes so much.
I still tried to make an effort to see my friends and go over for dinners and kids parties, but it was rare and never me hating them just I wasn't interested so you kinda switch off to those surroundings.
It's all part of life, good friends will still try to keep in contact and I have a huge circle to welcome me because I made an effort even if at the time my interests were elsewhere, and you'll find when they have kids most friendships will come back and you'll wonder why. It's strange but true.
Hugs darl, go find a mum club here or join a birth club here.
I've made more friends in my birth club now and they are such a wonderful bunch and have kept me sane so far and support each other.
If you want to chat send me a PM I'd be happy for a chat. <3
Sent from my LT15a using BubHub
23-04-2012 06:30 #36
Don't have any advise but your not alone this is something I say to DH a lot! My BIL tryed to tell me it's because I have what they want and while I understand that do they have to take it out on me?
Having said that OP I am here if you want or need to talk
As for you feeling like you LO dosnt know how to play/ what to do with other kids, I had that with DS1 he now goes to child care once a week it dosnt cost that much and he loves it
Best of luck and hugs
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05-05-2012 22:03 #37Member
- Join Date
- Mar 2012
- Wollongong, Nsw
im so sorry to hear that but i know you you feel. i was 24 when i fell pregnant with my DS and my best friend for 17 years was so horrible to me. She told me that i was being selfish 'keeping it' and i would be a selfish mother and she felt sorry for the baby. it was so shocking because we had always been so close. then she told me if i didnt get an abortion she would never see me again so its fair to say i left her house that day and have never spoken to her or seen her again. This was an extreme case and i still dont know why she reacted like that but a lot of my friends at the time took her side and just slowly lost contact with me. it was awful and i suffered bad depression while pregnant. Its now 3 years later and im happy to say i now have a couple of friends that mean the world to me. some have children and some dont but they love seeing my DS and make me feel like a 'girlfriend' not just the girl with the baby.
it is hard to make friends that you feel you can just 'talk' too but it does happen and i believe you will meet some lovely friends cause you seem like a nice girl chin up you will get there
Last edited by Bohobaby; 05-05-2012 at 22:05.
06-05-2012 15:41 #38
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07-05-2012 10:13 #39
I know what you mean, maybe playgroups etc would be good to make new friends. I have 3 kids and have been a mum for 8 years, some of my friends have kids and some don't. The ones that do have kids are more understanding I met them at playgroups and even some online and the other friends with no kids sometimes want to do things but I have to find babysitters and it's not always easy. I think its good to have a mixture of some friends with kids and some without cos I certaintly don't wanna talk about kids all day lol.
10-05-2012 19:00 #40
Where are you ladies from? =)
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