View Poll Results: Say sorry to keep the peace

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39. You may not vote on this poll
  • Yes I do every single time for different things even if I have done nothing wrong

    1 2.56%
  • Maybe once or twice for different things but certainly not every time

    12 30.77%
  • No way, if I have done nothing wrong why should I apologise for it??!

    26 66.67%
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  1. #21
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    I can't think of a time that I've been in that situation, but it's a great question.

    I think I would try to work out whether I'd done anything that led them to believe what they do. I'm a firm believer that conflict often has 2 sides. If I could absolutely, hand on heart say that I had no part in making them feel that way, I would definitely not apologise. If I had really not done anything wrong and they wouldn't believe me, I would feel they just don't trust me, and that doesn't meet my expectations of my friends. So I would be having a conversation with them about my expectations of trust in a friendship. It's a 2 way street.

  2. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by mum2bubba View Post
    Who has done this? How long can you keep doing it until you say enough is enough? Eg say you have an argument with someone (a friend/partner etc) and they accuse you or something you didn't do/say. You tell them you don't know why they think that and that you haven't done/said anything bad but say sorry anyway cos you don't want to fight. Does this happen all the time or is once or twice enough. This seems to be happening with me lately and I am getting tired of it. I am going to do a poll...
    Never a nice feeling. I guess if it is repetitive and you feel that you are apologising all the time then I would change that and try something else. Maybe more like 'I'm disappointed that you would think I would do/say.... And if that's what/how you really think/feel I'm not sure that there's anything I can do about that'. Throw it back to it being their problem, rather than something you need to fix for them by apologising. Sometimes people allow a pattern of behaviour which is really unhealthy and other people take advantage of that.

  3. #23
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    I really believe that you get what you put up with. So if you keep putting up with it that's all you're going to get.

  4. #24
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    H*ll no! I think it's an avoidance technique that would punish my self esteem. I will say 'i'm sorry you feel that way' or something like that but I won't apologise for something I didn't do.

  5. #25
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    Oh no, I'm far too stubborn for that.

    I would be more likely to "agree to disagree".

  6. #26
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    Hell to the no!!! No way would I apologise if I did nothing wrong just to keep the peace. I read your other thread and honestly I think you and your children are better off without this guy in your lives.
    Last edited by Urban Tumbleweed; 07-04-2012 at 20:23.

  7. #27
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    My immediate reaction to the question was f*uck no but upon reflection, I have. I did it over the course of a ten year friendship with my 'best friend'. I constantly said sorry to keep the peace and in the end, when I no longer did, we had a massive blow out which was bigger than Ben Hur.

    From the pain of that experience, my advice to you is to stop doing it this instant. Try to resolve the issue at the time. If it can't be resolved, consider moving on.

  8. #28
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bell & Bug View Post
    So your boyfriend is still carrying on like a pork chop?
    Lol, things are fine between us. Wasn't neccessarily meaning him. I tend to do this with a lot of people cos I don't like arguing etc, but I'd like to know HOW not to, if that makes sense? I mean, I feel sorry of they are hurt of offended but if I have done nothing wrong why am I the one that feels like sh!t and has to say sorry just to keep the peace?

  9. #29
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    Quote Originally Posted by SassyMummy View Post
    Cass, if this is about Matt and his "bad in bed," whinge, then DO NOT apologise. You're setting a precedent by doing that.

    I have apologised when I've done nothing wrong, but this is with people that aren't that close to me and it just makes life easier. In a relationship or with someone you spend lots of time with, it's a stupid thing to do, because you're admitting guilt and letting them know you're a doormat.
    Thanks Stacey, wasn't about Matty, we are ok. But I do totally agree to what you are saying.

  10. #30
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    Quote Originally Posted by mum2bubba View Post
    Lol, things are fine between us. Wasn't neccessarily meaning him. I tend to do this with a lot of people cos I don't like arguing etc, but I'd like to know HOW not to, if that makes sense? I mean, I feel sorry of they are hurt of offended but if I have done nothing wrong why am I the one that feels like sh!t and has to say sorry just to keep the peace?
    Maybe if you start to realize you are not responsible for another adults feelings...they are.. I used to do this a lot before I woke up to myself..


 

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