As the title suggests how did you know when to stop trying to make it work?
Dh has told me that he wants out of the marriage but I don't know if I can let go.
Together 10 years
Married 5 in may
He cheated on me 2 years ago
We break up nearly every year
2.5kids (one on the way)
I just cannot see myself being able to do it without him. But I am sick of trying to make him want to be with me. But not sick enough to not love him. I've put so much into this marriage and relationship I don't know if I can stop trying to make him love me again.
Sorry if it's a ramble of thoughts it's only new feelings.
But after advice or experience or what ever you can share!!
+ Reply to Thread
Results 1 to 9 of 9
04-04-2012 23:05 #1Senior Member
- Join Date
- Dec 2011
How did you know when to give up on trying make it work
04-04-2012 23:17 #2
I gave up when after fighting with ex to spend with me and DS he said 'stop trying to change me, this is who I am'
We had been on and off for 8 years, both done everything under the son to hurt each other.
Simply, I was jst over it and done with trying to make someone want me. Although it hurt and I had hoped he would jst wake up and smell the coffee I had to leave.
I deserve to b happy and deserve to have a man in my life that adores me!
Have u suggested counselling???
04-04-2012 23:24 #3
you cant make someone else want to do something, they have to want to want it. But as for your feelings about the relationship based on my own experiences with cheating and something I found really insightful, I must quote Dr Phil, "If you really love someone who cheated on you and you think you can make it work, you must work out if you can work through it and rebuild the trust. In order to do this you must learn to accept that he has changed and make a real effort to move on. You cant let it eat away. If you dont think you can then you may as well end the relationship now. In exchange the cheater must allow total access to every aspect of their life to begin to heal the hurt they caused" or something to that effect.
But I am sure there is more to your problems than just that, but those words really helped me when it happened to me. It made everything seem really clear. Hope it helps, not sure if it does.
04-04-2012 23:28 #4
I knew when I realized that I was the only one fighting to make our relationship work. I was the one constantly being put down, let down, emotionally tormented & completely exhausted. He was the one who wanted to leave every time & because of this, I always thought that I was doing something wrong. He was always sad and miserable and I lost who I was when I was with him. He was the one who always wanted to get back together when he realized he hated being alone. He used me til something better came along and when that didn't work out, he would come crawling back and i took him back because I thought I loved him.
I made a tough decision and it was very hard but honestly, leaving was the best thing I ever did.
I'm not saying your situation is the same.. You just kinda know when enough is enough. Well I did anyways.
04-04-2012 23:51 #5Member
- Join Date
- Mar 2012
You can love someone but if the relationship is toxic all the love in the world won't fix it
05-04-2012 06:50 #6
It depends how long he's been saying he doesn't want to be with you anymore... It's terrible timing, but if he doesn't love you then don't stay with him. I would suggest a marriage counsellor absolutely straight away. There's children involved and you're going to need to work as a cohesive team to raise them and the new bub. If you live apart but raise the children together it can really work well. It's definitely not good for the children if you remain together in a loveless relationship - what message does that send them? Good luck! Hugs
05-04-2012 07:14 #7
The Following User Says Thank You to Theboys&me For This Useful Post:
08-04-2012 14:45 #8Senior Member
- Join Date
- May 2011
I had been asking myself this same question for months now, until about 2 weeks ago we finally called it quits. I knew there was no love anymore, I just wanted to hold on to what we used to have. Our relationship had been deteriorating for a while and I just decided that I'd rather be single and happy, than in a relationship fighting for something that would never work. Already I am much happier.
XDP told me he was only sticking around for our daughter and that crushed me, but now I have the chance to find someone who will worship me and I'm thankful for that. I just want to be able to co-parent peacefully so pulled the plug before I became resentful and hated him for his lack of love.
Your situation is a little different, but chances are, if you are asking yourself this question you already know the answer. Good luck xo
Last edited by PorkyPies; 08-04-2012 at 15:03.
08-04-2012 15:01 #9
My ex husband and I were together for ten years. I always thought I was the onl one fighting for our relationship; he refused to admit there were any problems, and by denying that things were not right, he didn't have to fix anything (if you know what I mean?). Anyway, I decided I needed out when I was dreading pulling into the driveway each night but I also realised I was lying to everyone - he wouldn't let me see my friends, so I said I had a headache, or when he pushed me into a wall, I told people I had slipped in the rain. It was a shock to me to realise my relationship had become violent and I was being controlled by this madman. So I left. And I took almost nothing. But here I am two years later, expecting a baby (we had never had kids, but two miscarriages) and happier than I ever thought I'd be. I mean, I thought relationships like this existed in Mills and Boon books only.
Of course, your situation is different to me, but I hope you find the strength to find yourself and let this go. Good luck!
By Kazza78 in forum Pregnancy & Birth General ChatReplies: 15Last Post: 04-07-2012, 03:16
By Jakois in forum General Parenting Tips, Advice & ChatReplies: 121Last Post: 12-06-2012, 11:19
Be In BlossomWe offer physiotherapy run pregnancy Pilates, pregnancy Aerobics, and Mummy Pilates & Baby Massage classes with a ...
LATESTToilet training: when is the best time to start?Why it is OK for your child to be differentWhat is a blessing way? How is it different to a baby shower?
POPULARWhen can I start giving chores to my children?New baby nursery checklist – a guide to newborn essentialsWhat to pack for labour and hospital – a checklist
FORUMS - chatting now ...
Happiness thread.General Chat
Growth Of Intellection. Discussion?General Parenting Tips, Advice & Chat
Egg Donation in Greece #5Egg Donation
IVF Babies due August/Sept/Oct' 16 #4pregnancy and babies through IVF
Cyclone Debbie Support thread.General Chat
Egg Donation in South Africa #14Egg Donation
Would you delay TTC because first child is starting first year of school.General Parenting Tips, Advice & Chat
Pokemon go. Chat #2General Chat