Spin off from the what makes you green thread.
How do you handle your jealousy? Do you project it onto other people? Does it turn you into someone completely different?
Going by that thread, a lot of people mentioned things that describe me, and I have lost friends over some of those mentioned things. I have lost even family due to some of those things mentioned.
I think jealousy can be/is a very dangerous and horrible emotion, and having been on the receiving end of jealousy I try to deal with my jealousy as MY issue. Mostly I am not a jealous person, and if I feel jealous I work through WHY I feel jealous so that I don't project it onto others who don't deserve it.
I have had to hold back a lot of information about myself, or downplay a lot about myself, because I'm scared of being hurt by people when it doesn't matter to me how much a person earns, what they own and where/how they live. I just don't judge my friends and family like that, I value them for the people they are.
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04-04-2012 17:09 #1-
- Join Date
- Nov 2008
Spin Off: Jealousy
04-04-2012 17:14 #2Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jan 2009
My issue was I'm a bit jealous of people who are more financially comfortable, but I don't think it affects my relationships with other people.
My best friend and her husband earn well, and have a lot of disposible income, and the topic of money is never a problem.
I think it helps that I can rationalise that we have less money as we both work part time, and are in the early stages of our professional careers, so I don't see it as hopeless.
I guess if I felt really bad about something that I couldn't change, then that resentment could spill over and affect relationships, if I couldn't contain those feelings.
04-04-2012 17:19 #3has left the building
- Join Date
- Dec 2008
This is how i handle jealous feelings: I remind myself that the grass isn't always greener and that things aren't always as they appear, the person i am jealous of probably has their own insecurities also. I remind myself that comparing myself to others is something i should not do - there will always be someone more beautiful, more successful, smarter etc so instead of focusing on them i focus on myself. I try and think of something i like about myself and stop thinking about what i don't. This helps a lot.
I don't take my jealousy out on others - if i'm really in a bad place i will avoid people until i move out of the bad place. I ask myself why am i feeling this way and work on moving past it.
I've found doing the above that my feelings of jealously have greatly decreased and i'm much happier
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04-04-2012 17:24 #4
i get jealous when hot girls try to pick up my husband - which is ALL.THE.TIME. Over the yrs I have processed it. I used to turn it into an argument with - as in project my own insecurities onto him, pick a fight and make him proove he loved me etc. Now, I still get a kinda twinge of jealously, but it pretty much resolves itself cos I understand it now.
Not sure if that makes sense.
I don't really get jealous of other ppls lifes, sucesses etc. We all our own journey and going through our own things. I don't hold value in financial success for financial sucess iself - to me its a means to an ends. I am inspired by ppl who follow their passions and find true happiness, who contribute to the world and who don't use the need for financial prosperity overrule the moral compass. eta: I didn't mean that as a crack to anyone - I just meant that noone would ever pick the ppl/lifestyle I am 'envious' of and those who I have no desire to be anythign like.
Last edited by Buttoneska; 04-04-2012 at 17:27.
04-04-2012 17:25 #5
i work very hard to not let my jealousies affect the way that i interact with other people. and for the most part i think i'm ok.
Although for the most part, its more insecurities than jealousies (unless we're talking money issues then i'm jealous. and i'll whinge to my bestie - but no one else needs to know).
i don't know. i don't think i let any of these issues affect my relationships? or my interactions with people.
04-04-2012 17:27 #6
I'm really not a jealous person at all. 99% of the time I can see some way that i am better off than the person that I'm 'jealous' of. Eg, I have a friend who is seriously the best looking and smartest person I know, but she's had horrible luck with men. Another who has had everything handed to her on a silver platter who will never gain a true sense of self worth because she'll never have to work for anything. Another whose family is really supportive but her husband is a real d!ck. Another who is super popular and well loved but he suffers from a mental illness. So if i meet someone new who seems to have it all, I know that there's bound to be something in their life that i'm grateful isn't in mine.
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04-04-2012 17:41 #7Senior Member
- Join Date
- Oct 2009
My issue was jealousy of those who get pregnant easily.
I don't think it affects any relationships. Most of my friends seem to be that way. I still see them (and do throughout pregnancies), I don't begrudge them it.
The only issues it has caused have been:
Crying secretly after pregnancy announcements (but I would never have let them see it).
Feeling frustrated with some of their advice - things like: "Well I was so relaxed, so I think that's why it happened first go. You just need to not think about it and it will happen." Although I am very polite and nice in response, inside (and later) I am thinking...
04-04-2012 17:41 #8
The only thing im jealous of is people who have friends that do stuff with them. I wish i had friends
04-04-2012 17:47 #9
04-04-2012 17:53 #10
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