Thank you so much to everyone who has replied. It's so good to hear your thoughts on it. Of the people close to me, they seem to be divided between shrugging it off as 'nothing' and not even thinking about it, or else being massively opposed to the whole thing (often for reasons that DON'T bother me)!
Rocky - the FS said potentially 4 left over, but as others have said there could be zero. It's really unknown until you do it. All depends on how many eggs grow, and how good those eggs are.
Buttoneska - that's exactly how my DH sees it too. He also pointed out that the contraceptive pill stops a fertilised egg from implanting (if one is released), which is not too dissimilar.
Thank you to everyone else too. All very helpful thoughts. Reducing stress/ thinking about it later is probably a good idea, but I didn't want to leave myself in a situation where I didn't know what to do. You're right that it might not even be an issue though.
I've booked an appointment with a psychologist through my obstetrician (they routinely offer them as part of IVF). I'm going to that tomorrow, so will hopefully have a chance to talk things through. At the moment it's all feeling a bit bleak, but I'm sure that we will come to terms with it, and move forward more positively.
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04-04-2012 16:19 #11Senior Member
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04-04-2012 16:30 #12
Girl X, if you don't feel you could donate - is there any chance they will allow you to take the embryos home once you decide to not have them implanted?
You could bury them under a special fruit tree or something of significance in your life?
Apologies if my post offends, I have no real concept of how the clinics etc work.
Best of luck! xx
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04-04-2012 16:37 #13Senior Member
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- Oct 2009
Thanks, Fiveinthebed. You haven't offended at all.
In answer to your question - I don't know! If we did let them 'succumb' then that's a nice way of doing it. I think at the stage the embryos are at, I don't think they are visible to the eye, as they would be a collection of cells, but maybe it would be possible in a container of some kind??
I think I would still face the same issues over letting them succumb in the first place, but if I could find a way to overcome that then it would be a nice way of going about it.
04-04-2012 16:38 #14
Girl X we had 2 frozen embryos remaining after our final IVF cycle. We chose to donate them to science. The information from our clinic was very good and I spoke to the relevant people who explained that the embryos are not grown at all. My embryos were only 2 days old and I personally don't believe that they were life.
The embryos I donated were to be used to research why frozen embryos have such a low success rate and to see what scientific improvements could be made to better this outcome. DH and I felt that by doing this we were helping potentially thousands of people achieve their dream of becoming a parent. A lot of incredible medical breakthroughs have occurred through studying embryos, and this is how we made our peace with it.
I couldn't donate to another couple - I have seen too many examples of bad parenting on IVF forums to know that the desire to become a parent, however strong, does not produce good parents. I myself make mistakes all the time. I just couldn't spend the rest of my life worrying about a child I had "out there", and whether it was loved and ok.
I hope this helps.
Last edited by Sonja; 04-04-2012 at 16:40.
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04-04-2012 16:46 #15-
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- Feb 2010
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04-04-2012 16:50 #16
We had 4 embryo's after our first cycle. The first transfer didn't work, our ds1 was the second embryo, our 3rd and 4th embryo didn't survive the thaw which left 0. With our second cycle we only ended up with 2 embryo's. Our ds2 was the first embryo and we have 1 embryo in the freezer. Whether we use it or not we aren't sure but if not we will have it destroyed because we wouldn't donate it. You just need to go with the flow for now and see if you have any remaining and decide when the time comes.
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04-04-2012 20:04 #17
Having never had any known fertility issues, and having never even considered IVF, my view comes from someone who hasn't even remotely been in this sort of position.
So, from that viewpoint... them being destroyed is no big deal to me, and I might even consider donating them to an anonymous couple.
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04-04-2012 20:11 #18
I haven't read the reply posts u got so not sure if someone already mentioned it but you can do mini ivf. They just use your normal cycle with no or very minimal drugs so you will only make 1-2 eggs so no left over embryos.
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04-04-2012 20:56 #19
We conceived dd on our first cycle in 2009. Had 1 frosty and it failed to thaw. So I spent from June 2010 until this January stressing over doing a full stim again and having excess embryos and facing this dilemma. By day 5 we had 2 embies left with only 6-8 cells each. I never thought I would go thru a cycle and not come out of it with any frosties or viable embies given how fortunate we were with the first cycle in 2009. I always thought any future cycles would be more successful because we had that first cycle to build on. So in my head I was imagining all these perfect blastos on day 5 but in reality it was so far from the case.
How very wrong was I. So I have learnt a valuable lesson - never worry about the "what ifs" until you are actually faced with that decision. Until you are holding all your babies and have a freezer full of frosties, just don't worry.
Now the excess embryo thoughts don't cross my mind. Ever.
I now spend too much time worrying if we will even get 1 viable embryo next cycle.
But I have come to terms with alot of things, today in particularly. I need to let go. I have to stop worrying - it just consumes me.
I also believe that what is meant to happen will happen. And it's not like you will have to make a split second decision to discard/donate them. They will stay frozen until you make a decision and come to peace with it.I mean, potentially you could sit on the decision for years until you find your way.
Good luck xo
Last edited by nicole83; 04-04-2012 at 20:59.
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04-04-2012 21:14 #20
Hey Girl X,
I also had some concerns about left over embies. For me, I feel that they are all potential babies and I was not comfortable with letting any left overs succumb and I'm not comfortable with donating the for science either. We decided that we would donate any unused embryos. I feel quite happy with the idea that even though it's tricky for us to have babies I could make extra ones for some-one else to experience parenthood. We aren't at that point yet though. We got 5 day 5 blasties. The first didn't take but I'm currently 9 weeks with the 2nd. I'm hoping I won't have to go through the whole collection process again.
I was also going to say something along the lines of what Poppyloppy said. You can ask for a lower dose cycle to make sure you don't get an excess of eggs. I know some clinics offer that for people who have religious/ethical concerns.
Good luck with your decision and I'm sure that talking to the psych will help you sort out your thoughts.
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