We are due to start IVF at the end of this month, and I am really struggling with the idea.
I have an ethical dilemma about the possibility of excess embryos, and I don't know how to feel okay about it. DH has no issues at all.
We wouldn't want to donate a leftover embryo, so that means leaving them to 'succumb'. I feel sick thinking about it, but also feel sick thinking of never having another child.
We've tried numerous other things to conceive but no luck so far.
I wondered what other people thought about this aspect, and how they would cope? My concerns aren't from a religious aspect- just the thought of destroying excess embryos.
Please also note, this is such a sensitive topic, and I mean no offence to those who have done it - in fact, I would love to hear from you. Please keep any answers respectful to those of us who have gone through it.
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04-04-2012 11:58 #1Senior Member
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IVF ethics - your views
04-04-2012 12:08 #2
If I was in your shoes I would implant them all either now or in the future or donate them to another couple.
I have no personal issue with destroying eggs and sperm but couldn't let embryos die.
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04-04-2012 12:27 #3Senior Member
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Thank you for your answers so far.
Goldylox - you're not an annoying poster at all!
I guess the problem for us in using all the embryos is twofold. One is that we might end up with, say, 5 extra ones, and definitely don't plan on a family of 7 (or more)!
The other is that this last year of TTC and treatment has been very taxing on us. We have both said that we never want to go through this again. I honestly don't know how we could.
And donating - well, my concern is having several 'biological' children out there that we don't know. I think I would feel as equally bad about that as I would not using the embryos at all.
04-04-2012 12:45 #4
Hi Girl X,
I don't know much about the IVF process, so please forgive me if I'm not much help here...
Did the doctors give you a rough idea as to how many embroys you may end up with? If you have extra, are they able to be kept so that if the first cycle works & you decide later you want a 2nd or 3rd child you can do so without having to go through the egg retrivel etc again?
Good luck with it all, TTC can really be a draining process. Its just not fair how difficult it can be. If our clomid doesn't work, we will need to move onto IVF too.
I would be the same as you, I wouldn't be able to donate them either. I wonder how many people normally end up with? I hope the doctors are able to give you some idea how many people normally have.
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04-04-2012 12:48 #5
Hi Girl X
You could always donate them to research. I don't face this dilema ATM because we had to thaw all our frostes for a TF but it will be a dilema in any futre cycles. I always said I wouldn't donate them to another couple but that changes every time I think about it.
I wouldn't be able to leave them frozen indefinately because it does cost $$ to store them. I don't like the thought of just letting them succumb they are potential babies.
It really is a hard thing to think about. Such a tough desicion. And a very personal one.
I did read somewhere (I think here on BH) that one lady had her frosties TF'd when she new it wasn't going to take because she just couldn't donate or let them succumb.
Last edited by LillyPonds; 04-04-2012 at 12:58.
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04-04-2012 12:51 #6
It all depends on how well you respond to the injections and how many eggs you get at EPU then how well they fertilise and then if they survive to TF. It's all a wait and see scenario. So trying to predict how many will freeze really is quite difficult.
I had 4 end up frosties but all but 2 failed to thaw. Some don't get any to freeze.
04-04-2012 14:12 #7
To stop this stress which is not good for ivf maybe just deal with the actual process of ivf first.. This in itself is a major learning curve.
I wish you all the best and hope you don't have to go thru this too many times.
04-04-2012 14:20 #8
Girl X I would cross that bridge honestly when you get to it. You may have 5 left over you may have none. I never had any left over. My last collection only 1 survived out of 7 or 8 cant remember now and this is the one that turned into my DD
Lets say you do have a fair few left over they keep them in a freezer for you anyway for a small yearly fee until you decide what you would like to do. You might go back in a year or so and use it.
SO in short it is not a decision you have to make now. You have plenty of time. I would use up any energy for the actual IVF process.
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04-04-2012 14:33 #9
I have never been in that situation and I don't think I would really know until the time comes. And like you said, its a sensitive issue so my thoughts are not intended to hurt anyone who thinks otherwise, its just my initial response.
I *think* right now as a hypothetical I would be ok with it. I would look at it as cells that can be turned into a child under the right circumstance or could turn into 'nothing'. I look at it that not all transferred embryos progress into healthy viable pregnancies or children. I believe that IVF is a wonderful tool that can assist ppl concieve, but I still believe ultimately the 'fate' of the embryo is with universe/god or whatever you call it. By the same logic, I don't feel 'not transferring' them is destroying a life so to speak.
I also think that in nautral siutations there are probably many, many time when fertilised eggs divide to a certain stage but never implant or develop into pregnancy. I believe lots of times women have 'regular periods' and probably pass 'fertilised eggs'.
But, like I said I have never been in the that situation so maybe I would feel totally different if I was? We TTC for 2yrs and I just fell naturally (IVF wasn't something we had considered for us at this point in time), but perhaps if we went down the IVF path I woudl not want to let the embryos succumb?
My MIL had all her kids using IVF- her youngest was 'due to expire' and she didn't wan tto 'let it summub' so she went back for number 3.
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04-04-2012 15:00 #10
It is very hard
We have 2 handsome sons via ivf and now feel our family is complete
BUT we have a tough decision to make because we have 4 frozen embies at the clinic. We aren't going to use them but at the moment I can't think what to do, we currently pay $150 every 6 months for storage. At the 5 year mark we need to make a decision or go before a review panel to extend. It is so hard!
Me personally, I believes our embies are life from conception, so very hard for me to think about
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