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  1. #1
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    Default MIL coming for birth of first grandchild: How long should she stay?

    Fuzzy, first grandchild on both sides, is scheduled to arrive by c/section on 9 May. MIL arrives from overseas on 6 May and leaves on 13 May. A night prior, perhaps two, she would be spending at her coast house, otherwise the plan is she will stay at our house while I am in the hospital and DF will stay between the hospital and home. Thought this would be fine, as I'll most likely be in hospital until 13 May and she will be a good support for DF.

    Now she is able to stay longer, until 18 May, so another week when I will be well and truly out of the hospital. As this is our first child, I am thinking we'll need some time on our own to, for lack of better wording - work things out for ourselves. DF thinks it will be good to have her around to "run errands" and so on, which I agree could be helpful since I’m have a c/section.


    Also DF will still be off work for that week so there will be three adults and a brand new baby in our little apartment (4 bed but SMALL), not much room to hide really. Though in saying that, I would be/should be comfortable sending her back off to the coast but in reality would probably be quite stressed out by the time I go to that point.

    MIL and I get along very very well, so it is not getting along that bothers me, more DF & I and Fuzzy getting to know each other in those first days and dealing with any feeding dramas etc with just us in our new family unit.

    So I am undecided as to whether her staying a week longer is a good thing or not as I can see good and bad points for both. She has said that if we don't want her to stay she won't be upset nor offended, and I know she won't. DF and I haven't responded to her yet as we talked it through yet, so I was hoping to get some perspectives from other hubbers. Thanks in advance

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    lovemybabies!  (08-04-2012)

  3. #2
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    This is very individual and you are going to get a lot from both sides.

    FOR ME, it wouldnt be an issue. I had my mum, dad, brother & family friend all stay with us in the first 2 weeks of DS's life, it didnt affect my bond or DHs bond with DS and having them around gave us more time to be with DS - my mum did all the housework, my dad did all the cooking, dinners etc. I know that this scenario is my parents, but if it were my inlaws I would also allow it. A week yeah - a month probably not.

    I know I am in the minority for this though, not everyone is as comfortable with having people at home straight after hospital and I can see their point.

    You have to do what you & your DH are comfortable with.

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    BluePixie  (04-04-2012)

  5. #3
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    It's great she is understanding and that you get on so be honest, tell her your not sure how you will be when you get home and if you think you need space you will tell her, my SIL was worried about her MIL staying and it turned she was just wonderful doing all the cooking/cleaning/washing and helping with the baby that they asked her to stay another 2 weeks!
    I would have been lost without my mum staying with me!

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    BluePixie  (04-04-2012)

  7. #4
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    I really don't think you'll know what you want, until you're there.. I had a horrible time breastfeeding and I didn't want anyone around at all. It was hard enough with friends/family who dropped by for a cuddle and to say hello. It was lovely to see people and show off the baby, but really hard when I just wanted to sleep.

    I didn't feel comfortable feeding in front of anyone except DH, so I wouldn't want anyone there. However, just to have an extra pair of hands to take the baby for a walk for an hour while you and DH have a snooze, is sheer bliss. Someone to come cook you dinner, sweep the floor and put a load of washing done, and then leave, is awesome. It's such a fragile time, for some people like me, I just really appreciated people coming and helping, and then leaving. I definitely wasn't up to entertaining people at all.

    Just my 2 cents worth. If you're friends with your MIL, awesome, she's going to love the responsibility of helping and she'll be so stoked if you ask her for help. They just want to help, seriously. So accept the help, but tactfully tell her if it's not working and you need your space. She's been there before so she should be able to accept that you want privacy and to get to know your family of 3.

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    BluePixie  (04-04-2012)

  9. #5
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    If it was me, I would want to have those first weeks to ourselves as much as possible. You'll have visitors ********* in and out the place anyways so that quiet time will be special

    In saying that though, I didn't have a c-section...good luck

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    I think if you feel comfortable and get along well with your MIL you will find there are some benefits to having her there a few extra days. As PP have said it is so nice not to have to worry about housework/cooking etc and you and DH can fully concentrate on your new little one.

    It sounds like you MIL is understanding that it is a precious time and sounds like she wouldn't impose herself on you if it made you uncomfortable. I spent a lot of my first week in my bed feeding and snoozing when bubs did that first week, so you can always close the door if you don't want company.

  11. #7
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    After having a Ceaser, I wished I had that kind of help around.... plus you get tired as you're not used to getting up at night... so daytime naps to catch up are great.. Anyway, MIL will be going back overseas, so who knows when she will see fuzzy again...? I think she will be able to tell if you need time to yourself.. i'd give it a go.

  12. #8
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    I had my mum stay for 3 weeks post birth and the entire IL family for 2 weeks ... = very crowded. Bub was first grandchild on both sides. For me it wasn't at all an issue and I really appreciated the help that everyone offered and the welcome distraction when I wasn't feeling on top of it all

    At the end of the day it's a pretty personal choice but you're lucky to have a good and open relationship with you MIL. Maybe just tell her that you'll take it as it comes??

  13. #9
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    I would have paid a million dollars to have my MIL or mum stay with me for my first week home now I look back. When I was pregnant I though exactly the same as you though, that it would feel cluttered and that we would want time on our own to bond and just veg, how things change when bub is actually here and you really do need that extra set of hands to either cook or just hold bub for a bit when you and your partner are absolutely exhausted.

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    For me personally having my DH home with me after I got home from hospital was enough. He was able to help out with DS and also do the things I couldn't do after a c-section (house work etc).

    My parents only live close by so didn't need to stay and just came to visit. They made sure not to stay too long and most times my mum would bring us a meal she cooked or would do some housework for us which was a big help when both DH and I were sleep deprived.

    I definitely would not have wanted anyone else staying in the house for those first few weeks home. Visitors were enough to deal with!

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