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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Apr 2012

    Default Unplanned pregnancy - confused

    Hi! I am totally confused... My period was due last Monday. I was on oral contraceptive pill, but was on antibotics for 14 days last month, also went away and didnt take pill a couple of days.

    Last Thursday I took a PG test and there was a faint line, I bought a different brand and on Friday morning I got another faint line, went to the DR Friday night and tomorrow morning I am having a blood test to confirm, and will see the DR Tuesday afternoon to discuss my options.

    This is so unplanned. I have a son from my ex husband who was totally planned, we tried for 12months and month after month was disappointment, just when I thought I could not fall pregnant naturally I fell pregnant, I was actually seeing a specialist the next week when I found out. It was the most joyous time.

    We split up 18months after my son was born! He is now 8.

    I have a great job, but parenting on my own is hard and financially while I get paid great, the mortgage repayments, car repayments and daily living costs leave worrying each fortnight how I can make my pay last the fortnight.

    I have been seeing my BF for 10months and he has spoken about buying a house for us to live in. I wont sell my place, it is affordable on my salary and my safety net if things dont work out. I am confident they will but I need my safety net.

    I told him Friday night and he is shocked, just as I am. I plan everything and so does he. At the moment I cant see beyond the year, usually I can see the plan for my future 5 years in advance.

    I am so worried about money. It sounds crazy, but I struggled for the first five years after I separated from my husband and only now feel like I can afford some luxuries in life but this still has me worried fortnight by fortnight.

    I am not 100% decided but I'm thinking of keeping this pregnancy because I am 36 years old. I wanted to be pregnant again but when a few more plans were in place - we were living together, had some sort of committment (either house or ring). My partner feels the same.

    Now my thoughts are about our relationship...he would prefer terminating and waiting till the plans are in place... he thinks I would get pregnant just as easily again. I am not so sure because of the first time trying.

    Does that sound like he is as committed to a relationship as I was? Truthfully maybe I reading too much into it, but I am confused and thinking so much can go wrong with pregnancy later in life... maybe I should risk doing it on my own, but I struggle with one child now financially.

    I'm so confused!!!

  2. #2
    headoverfeet's Avatar
    headoverfeet is offline The truth will set you free, but first it will **** you off. -Gloria Steinem
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
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    I'm sorry I have no advice but I could not read and not reply, I hope someone can help and you find clarity soon

  3. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to headoverfeet For This Useful Post:

    Magneto  (25-09-2012),mumtobe36yo  (01-04-2012)

  4. #3
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Country NSW
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Firstly, hugs to you.

    This must all be such a surprise and there are so many issues and worries to cloud things. Listening to you, I suggest you go with your heart and trust that things will work out.

    In my experience, there's never a "right" time financially to fall preg. (though the baby bonus is helpful now) but often the timing is right in other ways, we just realise so later!

    I think you might need to prepare yourself to go it alone just in case, but men often have a case of cold feet at first and come round later.

    I hope everything goes well and that you let us know how they're turning out.

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    mumtobe36yo  (02-04-2012)

  6. #4
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    *hugs* men can be funny like that. Ages ago my first 'scare' turned partner into an *** freaking out, then it was cleared and he was regretful wishing I was pregs. Then when I was pregs (unplanned) he was over the moon.

    If anything I think you should go with how YOU feel. If you don't feel you can go through a termination then don't push it and don't let him to. It's your body. Yes he has a say, but yours is more important as you will be the one living with the psych, emotional and physical scars.

    Finances... They're ever changing in my opinion. I'm now 21weeks and we have been living on one paycheck since December. I would've preferred to be ALOT better aswell, not worrying how to pay my next bill or the baby layby but this could've happened at any time in anyone's lives so I don't regret deciding to keep bubs.

    My parents was doing really well owned their own house, business etc. then when they moved interstate with me as a bub a truck took off with all their stuff, the new business turned them broke and they had to move in with my grandparents with me and had my little sister on the way. So even if you were financially stable, anything can happen unfortunately.

    Just work out what is best for you. How this will affect you psychologically and emotionally. Try and work out the relationship you have with ur bf.

    I think if you feel that you want another child and your age is a factor then I would keep it.. BUT it's your body, your life, your choice

    Tell him your feelings, decide IF he refuses to be apart of it, would you be able to handle it on your own? Work out your support system.

    Good luck *hugs*

  7. The Following User Says Thank You to Ahpez For This Useful Post:

    mumtobe36yo  (02-04-2012)

  8. #5
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Been busy today - finding out about maternity leave, what happens to my car packaged as part of my salary if I go on Maternity leave no pay... making sure I know all of my choices.

    My partner is worried because he is about to undergo a restructure at work and they have been brutal with other sections in his workplace. He won't know if he will still have a job until July.

    My Best friend came home from holidays today and I am going over in 5 minutes to have the girlie chat... She will be the only one who I will tell at the moment apart from my BF.

    Thanks for all your support.


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