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  1. #11
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    I have been told that having a chart with stars for good and bad behaviour might help. DS is only 2, so it wont work with him yet, but during a disciplining course a few weeks ago, I got this advice and it sort of makes sense.

    You starts the day with 5 stars. Every time he acts badly, you take 1 star off. Every time he does something good, you add a star. You then make a certain minimum limit with matching rewards. You count the stars together before bed and you discuss why he has earned or lost those stars....

    Ie: If he has between 5 and 8 stars, he gets to choose a fun (free or cheap) activity to do with you the next day (or something like that).
    If he has between 8 and 10 stars, he gets an extra desert the next day (or something like that).
    If he has less than 5 stars, he has a privilege taken away from him (No TV or computer the next day, or something like that).

    Yet Im also leaning towards seeing a GP and getting him to talk to a child psychologist. They might be able to tell you why he is acting the way he is and what kind of things you can do to try and turn his bad behaviour around.

    Goodluck hun

  2. #12
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    It sounds like you're in a really frustrating cycle at the moment. As children grow up, they grow into people. People who can be very different to us in terms of our view on things, reactions, etc. People with an agenda that they want to push, but without the maturity to pursue it reasonably! So they are a person with whom you clash, but also a child whom you have to grant tolerance in scenarios where with any other 'reasonable' person you'd tell them where to go.

    Obviously this isn't really an option and an aggressive cycle is being created that is not good for either of you. I think there have been some great suggestions on here - going and talking this out with someone (like a counsellor) may do wonders for reorienting your perspective and approach, as well as teaching you some as of yet undiscovered coping techniques for when he's really pushing your buttons.

    The important thing is also not to blame yourself for your actions of the past - all you can do is to try and address things now and for the future, as you're obviously trying to do.

    10 is a notorious boundary pushing age - it can't hurt to renegotiate how to enforce these with a trusted professional.

    Best of luck.

  3. #13
    Join Date
    May 2010
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    OK, I feel a bit like the big bad wolf but for me some alarm bells are ringing when you say you "hate him" a lot of the time. Is it at all possible that this is just normal 10 y.o behavior but you are so exhausted from parenting that you no longer have the tolerance to deal with these situations?
    Is it possible you have some depression or other problems that are impacting on your ability to cope with these situations at the moment?
    There is a saying that raising kids is like the emergency demonstration you get before a flight, you need to fit your own mask before you can help anyone else with theirs...
    I would consider some me time and looking at fixing the things that stress you in your own life, then you'll be in a better position to tackle these issues... That's what I've had to do recently, yoga has been a godsend for me


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