It sounds like you have been working very hard to find a solution to this issue. It might be worth seeing your GP about a referral to a child psychologist. A psych can help to figure out why this is happening, how to best address it, and can provide support as you work on this. There is a lot of evidence for behavioral strategies to assist with these kinds of challenges, and while other strategies can also help and are worth considering, It might be a good idea to consider including psychology in the approach early on.
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24-03-2012 11:14 #11
01-04-2012 06:55 #12
Omg you have 2 littlies that sound like my 3.5 year old??? She is ruling my life & nothing works. I have had her to a paed, child psych, and she is now receiving occ therapy. She has horrible night terrors. I have received an asd diagnosis for her being at the ADHD end of the spectrum.(not saying anything is wrong with your littlies). I have a ten week old and life is a struggle. I have learned a lot of good strategies off all the various people who have intervened which may work for you? Just pm me if you want to chat hugs - know exactly how you feel
07-05-2012 06:56 #13Member
- Join Date
- Apr 2012
Not sure how you do your time outs but this is what we do.
Step 1 - warning for unwanted behavior.
Step 2 - assuming they went back to continuing behavior they are taken to time out placed in the chair and informed why they are in time out. Time length is based on age. Time starts when they stay in their seat.
- the key during there time out is no communication with you. They will try to talk to you so that it doesn't feel like a time out.
Step 3 - time is up you go to them kneel down so you are at eye level remind them why they were in time out. You do not apologize.
Step 4 - the child apologizes, prompting may be needed. "Tommy you need to say your sorry for hitting your brother."
Step 5 - hugs and kisses. Again the parent never apologizes for putting the child in time out.
In the case where the girls decorated the toilet I would make them clean it and inform them if they did it again they would receive a time out. Water and a rag would be fine I could sterilize it when they are done. I would watch them clean the toilet to make sure it didn't make a bigger mess.
Not sure of age but if they were receiving an allowance, they would have to pay me to replace the wasted toothpaste.
07-05-2012 07:15 #14
If they are sensitive to 220 there is a fair chance other food additives and preservatives are affecting them too. Overall, be consistent. Pick one method of discipline and stick with it. Always follow through with threats to punish. No point threatening time out if you are not prepared to do it in public etc. Good luck!
07-05-2012 07:28 #15wishes she was a glow worm. A glow worm's never glum, 'cos how can you be grumpy when the sun shines out of your bum?
- Join Date
- Apr 2012
- Under Your Bed
Do what super nanny does. Have a time out mat or chair and just keep putting them there until they stay on the spot and if they are screaming while doing it buy ear muffs and keep them there till they have stopped. Mab get gates for the kitchen. Or try puttin them in daycare a few days a week so they can teach them to and it wears them down
07-05-2012 07:38 #16-
- Join Date
- Apr 2012
One thing I'd suggest is consistency. Perhaps your chopping and changing methods too quickly? Eclectic has given some great advice re time out. If your kiddies are screaming then let them know time out doesn't start until
They stop and are sitting quietly. It may take a few days of screaming and headaches but they will learn. Once they are sitting quietly I think time out is only supposed to be or minute per age.
If the kiddies are making a mess, until they are under control could you put a lock on the fridge/lock toothpaste away etc?
07-05-2012 07:59 #17
i recently wrote a report on this very topic as an assignment and after researching this topic from an evidence based perspective, i can recommend the following;
time out - (Important to remember its not a punishment, the meaning of timeout is timeout of attention and is the opposite to timein i.e. time with attention - so the attention is the key point - which takes me back to my original point that it is not a punishment, but rather a learning tool). Children that age will do what gets attention (good or bad they usually don't care, all attention is good for little kids). Don't use the bedroom, find somewhere else to use and be consistent and do it in a timely manner so they associate it with the bad behaviour, you would be surprised at how effective this method is for very young children.
reinforcement - ignore some bad behaviour and reward good behaviour. At around age three they can understand alot more, so you are able to explain to some degree bad behaviour and good behaviour - but children essentially do what works, so catch them doing good stuff as much as possible. This is based on the "matching law" which states, the relative rate of one response will essentially match the rate of reinforcement, i.e. the more you give attention to some behaviour the more it will happen.
Try not to use "don't"…kids find it hard to get their head around it, much better to use "do" like "do be gentle, do be careful. do be nice, do wait for mummy…you get me. Tell them what you want them to do, not what you dont want them to do.
Have a look at positive parenting, toddlers and beyond. They have some good tips and you can talk to other parents using these methods. They are so succesful that the government sponsors these programs to prevent behavioural problems early on.
and here is the government sponsored program called triple p - you can sign up and do these classes, they are extremely effective.
Empirically speaking, smacking is pretty ineffective in shaping behaviour in the long term, and most studies show no prosocial behaviour as a result and there are loads of studies showing correlations with anti social behaviour - its seen as the least effective type of discipline for most kids. Regardless of moral arguments or opinions on whether it is right or wrong, my comments are only in relation to its effectiveness, the other side of it is up to the individual to decide.
I reviewed around 50 studies on child discipline, so I have spent quite a bit of time on it and i also have a two yr old…so i know first hand how hard it can be.
The other thing to remember is kids around 3 are just learning to regulate their emotions internally i.e themselves, prior to this they really need mum to help them regulate their emotions. So its still early days, and i am sure you are doing a great job.
If you are interested i'll send you my report and you can read the whole thing, but the key aspects are above.
Last edited by Ulysses; 07-05-2012 at 11:18.
07-05-2012 08:12 #18
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07-05-2012 10:51 #19-
- Join Date
- Nov 2006
> Smacking is pretty ineffective,
My second child did not cooperate with time-out at first. It was utterly ineffective.
But a few smacks (and mostly just warnings of smacks after that) brought him into line, so he accepted time-out.
Think of it as a pump-primer. You need not smack for everything, just a little to make other disciple methods effective.
Of course YMMV - it is not needed for some, and probably not enough for some.
07-05-2012 11:05 #20
There's a show I've watched a few episodes of that I thought was great. I've seen the full series for teenagers, but should really buy the kids season.
It's called the Politically Incorrect Parenting Show and is hosted by a psychologist/comedian.
It's worth a watch.
Other than that, we have similar problems. I'm exhausted from maintaining consistency.
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