Don't know if anyone is going through, or has been through, anything similar but this is really getting me down.
The last year and a half DH seems to ignore the fact that I exist in my own right as a person. He never seems to want to talk to me, hang out, watch a dvd or even eat dinner in the same room. He never initiates sex and I have to harass him for it. Most nights he won't even come to bed with me, he sits up in the lounge room using his laptop and falls asleep out there. I don't know what's wrong with me but it makes me feels so undesirable. I wanted my husband to be my best friend and someone who I could talk to and spare time with. It feels more like we are flatmates who have children together. Last year I had a 'fling' of sorts with a male co-worker, I guess a short lived emotional affair, he seemed interested in me and wanted to talk and I loved the attention and the fact someone wanted to hear what I have to say. I severed all contact when he tried to kiss me because it was a boundary I didn't want to cross but it was really a wake up call that something is missing at home.
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20-03-2012 18:09 #1Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jan 2006
My DH ignores me
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20-03-2012 18:20 #2
Have you discussed it with DH? If so, what does he say?
Not being desired by the one you desire most really hurts :-(
20-03-2012 18:24 #3
That sort of behavior has gone on WAY to long IMO!!
I would have addressed this sort of treatment after a few months not a year and a half!!!!
He sounds like he has checked out majorly and you need to do something ASAP to fix this!!!
Why not write him a letter about it all and ask him to speak to you when he is ready? Confronting him might seem like an attack and you prob won't get the answers you need!
Until you know WHY he is acting this way you can't fix the problem.
Does your DH know about this emotional affair? To me that would have rung alarm bells to try and address the problems in my relationship if I was seeking attention elsewhere!
Good luck, I hope this can be sorted
20-03-2012 18:31 #4Guest Guest
I've been through something similar. You need to communicate, he probably doesn't realise how bad it's gotten or could be feeling down about stuff and also needs to talk.
Talk talk talk, don't let him ignore you when you try and don't do it in a blaming way either, just start with 'this is how I've been feeling' and don't tell him about the affair not yet.
20-03-2012 18:33 #5Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jan 2006
I have tried talking about it to him but he either gets defensive or says it's completely normal for someone with as many kids as we do. His first marriage failed and apparently just broke apart, they wouldnt spend anytime together. Yes, he knew about the emotional affair and even the kiss and he said I was a bit silly but didn't really get angry.
He thinks it is a sex thing, but really it's everything-- I want someone to spend time with, who wants to spend time with me. He always asks how I can be lonely when I spend time with the kids in the day but I really yearn for adult companionship.
It really hurts when someone who is supposed to love you doesn't seem to like you.
20-03-2012 18:59 #6
20-03-2012 19:11 #7
will he go to marriage counseling?
20-03-2012 19:12 #8
You poor thing, sending you heaps of
Please don't feel that its your fault, this is something that has obviously been going on a while. I agree with what some of the others have said & agree you need to talk to him asap. Explain that he needs to talk to you & how hurt you feel & that you also deserve to be treated better. Is it a possibility to get family to watch the kids so you can have time alone to speak openly with each other? Would he be open to regular date nights, even if its once a fortnight where you can have some time alone with just each other?
If nothing else works, would you be willing to consider relationship counselling?
Good luck, hope it all goes well & you get to talk to each other about how you're feeling.
24-03-2012 23:19 #9
I guess I would be trying to find out what his expectations are in a marriage and what expectations he has in a family unit. Does he believe that once a woman is a mum she can no longer be a partner? Is this the kind of relationship his parents have? I can understand being lonely in a relationship and it sounds like this is really important for you. You have let him know what you want/expect/need- what does he want/expect/need?
25-03-2012 13:42 #10
Maybe he is plain tired and needs some space to himself? We talk a lot about mums needing me time, dads need it too, especially when you say he thinks it's normal for people with as many children as you have.
You can't nurture others unless you have nurtured yourself, which I have only learnt recently
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