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  1. #1
    Join Date
    May 2011

    Default Df and anger issues - what to do?

    My df and I seem to be going through a regular loop of arguments. There have been times where I have just wanted to give up on us, but we truly do love each other and I don't feel as though I can give up on him. Our argument (or his anger) usually start over nothing. Like me hanging up on him when the call connection was bad and I couldn't piece two words he said together. If I explain this I get a 'whatever' as if I'm making it up an lying to him. Actually, every time I explain something to him I get this response. When we have had arguments previously I have suggested counselling. He had seemed somewhat open to it at one point, but the last few times I've suggested it I totally get shut down. I used to have to see a counsellor for the type of work I do, and he got angry at me for it because i told him i had spoken to the counsellor about my life out of work! If he's angry at me or we've had a fight he puts on a face and plays happy relationships when we are around others. And god forbid I talk to any friends about our relationship because it's none of their business - its out relationship. So apparently, I'm not allowed to discuss my feelings with friends. He's been getting worse over the past few months and im just looking for something to do to help him. He's just developing the worst temper and I don't understand where it has come from. We have an 8 month old son and I know that it's said that a lot of relationships go through bad patches in the first 12 months after a new baby. But this is just ridiculous. I don't instigate arguments with him, and I have started standing up for myself a lot more when we do argue. Though last major argument he did insist that 'I do as he says' and 'its his way or the highway' which I told him to get out of his system because that's not how relationships work.. When he starts one of his tirades I never get accusatory of him or say anything nasty to him but it doesn't seem to diffuse the situation. He is also agitated at me for not working full time as I'm not making the maximum amount of money that I would if I were to work full time instead of spending time with my baby. I'm a very laid back person an just take things how they come, and he seems to be turning more and more into thi person that snaps over nothing Does anyone have any suggestions of things I can try with him, or 'it gets better stories' or anything to console me. Please?

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    Hey I can't say I've encountered this but I just wanted to bump your thread I hope you can work through it. Honestly I just wouldn't tell him your talking to a close friend.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Hugs for you. I have been through a pretty similar situation with my DH and yes his anger became terrible and he developed a disgusting temper. I think our daughter was not quite 1 year. We went to counseling but it didn't help for us as we still couldn't understand each others perspectives. For him he was struggling with me becoming a different person as a mummy. I went from full time career motivated and climbing the ladder fast in our industry to not giving a crap about that part of my life anymore. I went back to work when DD was just 12 weeks old and it started to take its toll on me when she was about 6-8 months and I stopped enjoying work but i couldnt stop working because we couldnt pay our mortgage without my income. DH couldn't understand how I could change so much and how all the things we had planned to have and do could not matter to me anymore because all that matter was spending as much time as possible with my baby. in the end he went to the Doctor as he said he knew his temper was terrible and he couldn't control it , he just felt so angry all the time. The doctor prescribed him some medication to help with his temper and it did take the edge off. he was on the medication for about 6 months I think. He was very jealous of DD and struggling with going from being the most important person in my life to the second most important. Unfortunately for us it was s long hard road and it's only in the last few months we are actually enjoying our relationship again and that has taken making life changing decisions to sell our house and move interstate to an area cheaper to live so that we have less financial stress and I can work part time ( DD is now nearly 3). DH has finally realised that life is different now to what we originally planned because yes my wants and priorities changed but it didn't have to be a bad thing. My advice to get serious about getting to the bottom of what's causing his underlying anger, make changes where needed and maybe see his doctor if his temper is out of character and a real issue. don't let things go for to long because when arguments get heated and frequent things often get said that can't get unsaid and puts a scad on your relationship.

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