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  1. #1
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    Default I want another child but my partner doesn't as he has 2 other children

    What is everyone's thoughts on this issue? I have an 18month old DS with my DP and my DP has 2 older children from previous marriage the gap between our child and his other 2 is 11 and 12 years! I want just 1 more so badly and i really want a younger sibling for DS but DP says he doesn't need any more as he has the 2 older step brother and sister but i think the age gap is huge am i being unfair for wanting 1 more of my own?

  2. #2
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    No, I don't think you are being unfair, I think he is being unfair. So he has 3 kids, good for him... but you want 2... so why does his feelings count for more than yours?

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    Thank you im glad someone agrees with me. I think it's not my fault he has 2 children from a previous marriage so why should that have to affect my life of not having the family i have always wanted. Im not going to give up tho because this is something i really want.

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    I totally agree with you. I would not be giving up, and think it's unfair of him to expect you to just dismiss your feelings about having another child simply because HE already has 2 others.

    I also know first hand that having 2 much older half siblings can not even come close to comparing to growing up with your own brother or sister! (I have 4 much much older half sisters who we have very little to do with, and a brother whos only a few years older who is one of my best mates. It does not compare!)

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    Yeah i think your totally right. I have a younger brother and an older sister and we are only 2 years apart and very close i want my DS to have the same when he is older. My DP tries to use the fact that sometimes my DS stresses me out somedays against me he say's you get stressed with the one you have why would you want another one which i think is unfair im sure everyone get's stressed from their kids sometimes. I say to him why did you have 2 kids with your ex wife and only 1 yr apart he say's well at the time we wanted a sibling around the same age for DD how unfair is that to me that's exactly what i want for our child!

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    So its alright to dismiss your partners feelings on the matter? You cant have a go at him for being unfair when you are also being unfair. You both want different things.

    Did you discuss how many children you would both want when you first got together?

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    Yes we spoke about children very early in our relationship as he had two children i wanted to make sure he would be willing to have more as i wanted kids he told me yes, and we have also been together for 8yrs now. I don't believe im being unfair as we can afford another one, i would be the one carrying the baby and giving birth so it's not like he has to do any of that and we have a big house so enough room for another one and i have always done everything for my DS got up to him every night from day one my DP has never had to and he has never even changed a dirty nappy or ever bathed him so it really isn't going to make that much difference to his life the way i see it is what is just one extra child to make me happy and have the family i have always dreamt of after all you only live once!

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    wow ..never changed a nappy..I totally wouldn't want more kids with him!!

    Would you really want to have another when you know the man you love doesn't want to?

    Find out why he doesn't want another ..

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    I dont know that we can come on here and say he is being unfair. He has 3 kids and doesn't want another. Did you discuss how many kids you guys would like before you had the first? How old is he? Maybe he feels he is getting too old for more babies?
    Just because you don't agree with him doesn't mean his feelings are invalid. And as far as how his life wouldnt change much, like the PP that would be a reason for me not to want more kids with him. It actually sounds as though he agreed to one kid because you wanted it and now he is done.

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    No there was never an agreement to just have one he did just asume that we were only going to have one even tho i never said i only ever wanted one. And i think this isn't just all about me or him what about our DS not having a sibling close in age he would miss out on a real brother or sister from the same parents. I suppose all there is left to do is talk about it and decide what we are going to do.


 

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