As the title suggests wanting to know how you coped with your pregnancy after losing an angel?
I lost my little angel in Oct last year, I'm currently 6 weeks pregnant and I can't stop thinking that it will happen again.
Thanks in advance.
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15-03-2012 23:17 #1
Pregnant after stillbirth, how did you cope?
15-03-2012 23:48 #2
Oh ms V!!!! Bless your heart that your pregnant again!!!! I often think about you my love and am praying for a beautiful stress free pregnancy for you!!! Xxx
Lucy Alys (July '06)
Minnie Audrey (July '09)
Pippi Violet (oct '11)
16-03-2012 11:23 #3
Thanks shinebrite, I'm trying but it's not easy.
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16-03-2012 12:27 #4
Mrs V - I'm sorry to read about your heartbreak - but how wonderful, a new blessing on the way!
I havent been through what you have but when I lost our first baby at 13ish weeks & fell pregnant again all I could think about what the previous pregnancy. I felt like it had tarnished what is meant to be such a beautiful time.... Im sure your OB or Dr will be monitoring this pregnancy very closely because of what happened. And if they seem too blase about it, put the preassure on them. if you want a scan every week, ask for it!!!
I know I cant even begin to imagine what pain you have been through but I guess one way of looking at it in a positive light is that you now have a beautiful angel watching over you....
Be kind to yourself & I wish you all the best with this pregnancy.
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16-03-2012 13:02 #5
Firstly HUGE for your loss.
Secondly, on your new pregnancy!
I didn't lose my angel via stillbirth but Idid lose my first pregnancy at almost 12 weeks just over two weeks ago so to some degree I can understand your feelings. I went and saw my regular counsellor two days ago and she has a knack for getting me back on track. I don't know how she does it but she does. All I can suggest is that maybe the fears will never go away but you can choose how you react to it. That's all you can do. Easier said than done you say? Well not really ... I absolutely hated with a passion seeing any pregnant women. I was secretly cursing them and wishing it was me that was pregnant. Last night my DH and I went late night shopping and for the first time in over 2 weeks I didn't feel that desperation I was feeling when I saw a pregnant women. I was able to look at her and rather than feel down and say to myself, "I wish that was me" instead I looked at her and was able to change my reaction to it. Instead I said to myself, "That will be me again but this time I will carry to full term and deliver a healthy baby". I know it sounds incredibly simple and maybe even silly, but it really does help. It's all about how you choose to react and what you choose to say to yourself.
As for your question what if it happens again? Well what if? What can you possibly do about it? You are not responsible for the still birth of your angel baby and you can not ever be responsible for another one if you were to have one again. There is nothing that you did that caused it and there is nothing you can do to prevent one. I can't promise you that it won't happen again, but I can promise you that you can fall pregnant (obviously ) and right there you've conquered half the battle and that is awesome!
I know that being positive is hard. God knows up until I had my session with my counsellor I was all kinds of negative but she made me see that I'm not doing myself any good by thinking that way. I can't control the outcome of any future pregnancy, I can only do all the right things by my baby and my body and hope for the best. If we were unfortunate enough to lose the next pregnancy well then we just try again. It's not my fault. It's not DH's fault. It's nature unfortunately ... I like to think that my baby saved me. This is going to sound really silly but I had severe bacterial vaginosis and recurrent UTI's for 12 months prior to my pregnancy and all through my pregnany. I was at my wits end and felt out of options. I had seen ever specialist you can possibly imagine and no one could help me or tell me what was wrong with me. I prayed for a miracle to find some answers and then I lost my baby. I was devastated but after the D&C every single symptom I had of these infections has disappeared. Two weeks on and my various disturbing symptoms are still completely gone and my tests are normal. Doctor can't explain it but I can .. my little angel saved me .. it's just unfortunate he had to pass away to do that. That's why I call him my little
I guess I'm just trying to make the best of a crappy situation and it's certainly made me re-evaluate my priorites. I desperately wanted a boy and admitted I would be disappointed if I had a girl. after what's happened, I sincerely don't care. Boy or girl I will be stoked either way and I really mean that.
What happened to you is not fair. It sux and it's a tragedy but it doesn't mean it will happen again. Try to find your silver lining as hard as that may be .. guaranteed your little angel would want you to
Best of luck in this pregnancy
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17-03-2012 21:36 #6Senior Member
- Join Date
- May 2007
How do you cope? Well Im not sure, you just plod through it. I personally am still pregnant so havent reached that happy ending yet, so I get there with this pregnancy.
I know why I had a stillbirth (incompetent cervix for unknown reason) and Ob is doing everything to prevent it happening again. Before I got preg it was really important for me to find out heaps of information on my condition, I needed to know I could have a successful pregnancy, as like Im sure you don't, I don't want another stillbirth.
So I have lots of scans to check my cervix (which is normal management for IC) and I see my Ob every 2 wks and I find that really reassuring as I can ask lots of crazy questions! He is also very happy if I call him at any time with any symptom that I'm unsure of, Ive only called once but its nice to know he is there.
I wish you a cruisy pregnancy with a healthy bub at the end!
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18-03-2012 22:28 #7
Thanks for the replies.
I am coping with what happened, my precious DD was what kept me going those first few weeks. Not to mention my DH was just so strong for the both of us.
I know this time I won't be able to enjoy my pregnancy, that's why I started this thread to get others ideas on how they coped through their pregnancy.
We don't know why it happened, they did find a deletion in the babies 2nd chromosone pretty big too. They initially thought had he survived the birth he probably would have died within minutes. But after testing DH and I they found I carry the same deletion and can't really explain it. I have no known disability they would usually encounter with a deletion this size and were pretty surprised. There are no other documented cases in the world they can compare it to, so they're going to keep following my progress this time round and documenting everything. They explained that in genetics they find out new things everyday and not everyone reacts the same way to the same genetic abnormality.
So basically they can't tell me that no that wasn't why he died or yes it was why he died, because I'm living if that makes any sense.
I'm going in for my first scan tomorrow, wish me luck.
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18-03-2012 23:34 #8
I'm thinking of you MsV and sending you lots of love. Please let us know how your scan went. I really hope the doctors can put your mind at ease and that you can enjoy this pregnancy without worry.
Please keep us informed xoxoxo Mary.
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18-03-2012 23:48 #9
It was vary hard that's for sure!
I lost my DS at 39weeks in 2007. I've had two healthy babies since then and I stressed soo much thought their pregnancies (alot more in my first pregnancy after jaxsons birth though) I made sure they tested for everything and was 'the annoying patient' at my hospital! I actually called the doctor and went in for a scan 6 times (crying hysterically all the way there- thinking it had happened again) and got them to check all was well.
I font have any ways to cope I'm sorry it's just pushing through u guess everyone will tell you a million times that it won't happen again but because jaxson was my first I just couldn't believe it and was never 100% sure I would get to being him home.
One thing was I went out at 9 weeks and bought the new baby an outfit, I thought at least if something happens to this baby then they had at least one possession and it would always be theirs & no other babies
Anyway I'm sorry I'm rambling, hope all goes well keep us updated
18-03-2012 23:49 #10
Please excuse my spelling mistakes I'm on my phone!
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