I hope I'm posting in the right area.
Just wondering if anyone has or is feeing guilty about being pregnant when someone around you is struggling to have a baby?
I found it so hard to be pregnant around my sister and our family because she is going through IVF. This year my husband and I have decided we want to try again for bub number 2 and the thought is bittersweet because my sister still doesn't have a bub. I dread telling her because last time she got so upset and cried. When your pregnant you feel like you just want to tell the world but I just feel so guilty and can't enjoy it. Even though I know I'm not doing anything wrong and just want to continue my little family.
I guess I just need reassurance. I love my sister and I want the best for her she's my best friend but it's so tough on this side too.
Just hoping I'm not alone?
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12-03-2012 20:52 #1
12-03-2012 22:59 #2
I've not actually had anyone THAT close struggle, but I have had 2 friends who couldn't fall pregnant, and I just fell so easily and quickly, I did have guilt. Lots. I had guilt for strangers who had trouble too. An ad in the local paper calling for an egg donor made me cry.
It's completely normal to feel that way, I think, the same as it's normal for your sister to feel upset.
Maybe a hubber may have a hint on how to tell her extra sensitively? I can't imagine you being insensitive though, being that you started this thread.
I personally think being honest with her would help. I'm a huge believer in putting all your cards on the table. But I don't know, because I've not been in either of your situations, and i dont have a sister, so I cant even begin to imagine that bond, so I really don't know how it would feel, or what that would mean for you both.
I hope she falls pregnant soon. Xxx
All the best with #2!
Last edited by Daydream Believer; 12-03-2012 at 23:01.
12-03-2012 23:09 #3Senior Member
- Join Date
- Oct 2011
I did this last pregnancy a good friend has been trying for years so I felt bad talking to her about it but she was fine with it
12-03-2012 23:22 #4
I've been on the other side of the coin. Everybody around me fell pregnant with a sneeze from their husbands and I was struggling with IVF. It's a bit different because it's your sister so you would see her cry as you are close. I wouldn't let anybody see me cry.
All I wanted to say is I have been where your sis is and I say just be really open and honest with her. Tell your feelings and tell her your trying. I found it even harder finding out people or family were to scared to tell me all about their baby plans etc.
Good luck. I am sure your sis will be preggers soon hopefully you ll both be pregnant at the same time
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12-03-2012 23:22 #5
She probably will cry but she will also be so thrilled to be an aunt again at the same time. My guess that part of the reason for her being so upset is that she will also be upset and angry with herself for feeling the way she does.
I suggest telling her sooner rather then later. Make her feel part of the "secret" feel included and special . It may help a little.
13-03-2012 00:14 #6
I also suggest telling your sister over the phone... someone very close to me had been trying for 4 years and in that time I had 2 kids (even though DS2 took us a year to conceive) and I decided to tell her over the phone so that she didnt have to pretend to not be sad. She said she was grateful as it gave her the room she needed to deal with her emotions privately.
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13-03-2012 08:32 #7Senior Member
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- Jan 2012
13-03-2012 11:10 #8
When we where trying last time I told her that we where trying, as I didn't just want to go surprise I'm pregnant. I told her over the phone as I thought that would be easiest for her. She didn't cry over the phone to me, but later I was told that once she hung up she burst into tears. I thought this was the best way to go about it, some warning so there was less shock when I announced our news and over the phone so she had time to absorb the information by herself. I might go about it the same this time, if that's what people recommend. Thanks ladies
13-03-2012 11:34 #9
13-03-2012 12:20 #10
I'm in the same position, DP and I have just started trying for our #2 and BIL and his wife have been actively trying for over 6 months without any luck. I'm actually terrified that I'll fall before them!
But the other side of it is you can't put your life on hold - its just a hard situation for everyone.
I think just being open and honest is the best thing in this situation
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