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  1. #51
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    This has become quite confusing. I may be jumping the gun a little here - but it seems to me as though the OP's second post is just trying to justify the first. So it's not a mother wanting to live out her dreams, it's for the safety of the child now? And it just conveniently fits in with the mother's childhood dream?
    Perhaps if the second post is also true, the question should have initially been more to the tune of "would you leave the country (and one child behind) if your child was in danger?"
    Just a thought...
    Last edited by nicoletta; 10-03-2012 at 22:14.

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  3. #52
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    Quote Originally Posted by nicoletta View Post
    Perhaps if the second post is also true, the question should have initially been more to the tune of "would you leave the country (and one child behind) if your child was in danger?"
    Just a thought...
    Yes

    The two scenarios are totally different and will of course affect the readers opinions...I hope the op comes back to clarify as im confused and now curious as to what's really going on...



    •Sent from my iPhone•

  4. #53
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    Bubbygirl:

    I havent read all posts, so I might be missing something.

    I have read of a case where the mother wanted to move overseas (home to family support) with her two children but had one fob refusing to allow it.

    The court ruled in her favour to avoid separating the children.

  5. #54
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    Quote Originally Posted by 4underfour View Post
    I'd liken it to putting the younger one up for adoption. You could do it, but don't expect any relationship with the child in the future. And you couldn't expect to come back in a few years and regain half custody. That wouldn't be fair on the child or its father.
    Fathers can and have managed to do this, why not a mother?

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  7. #55
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    OP, you've presented two completely different scenarios. Even the name of the post suggests it's a decision between the child and the parents dreams.. If it was a choice between one child's safety and the other child that would receive completely different responses...but I suspect you know that. I'm going to reply to the original post.

    I think when we have children, 'accidentally' or not, we take on certain responsibilities. Yes, it's difficult, but we can't have everything we want in life. I was a single parent for 7 years. I was alone from the moment I told my partner at the time that I was pregnant. At that time I had saved $10K to travel Europe and then settle in the UK for a two year working holiday. That was my dream. When I became pregnant I needed to reassess. My child became my priority and I used the money to buy a car and baby furniture instead.

    Three years later I met a man from the UK and he asked me back to his country to live with him. I wanted to so badly, but my ex refused to allow my child to go with me. As hard as it was I had to once again reassess my dreams. There is absolutely no way I could have left my child behind to follow my own agenda. Did I feel trapped? You betcha. But in my experience the trapped feeling comes from a lack of social support, and that's a society problem. Comes back to the 'village' theory.

    I still have my dream of going OS. I'm married now and having baby number 3. My dreams are still there, though a working holiday is out of the question. I will travel, but it won't be at the expense of my children's emotional health. I know there is that 'what about me?' feeling, but I'd rather it was me feeling that than my child.

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  9. #56
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    Like others I am confused as to which scenerio is true but I have been thinking more about the original post and decided that the child might actually be better off being with the father than growing up with a mother who might resent them for taking away what she (the mother) believes is a dream that has to be fulfiiled.

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    Honestly? I would think that person to be quite selfish.

    I'm sure there are lots of parents who would love to live oversease, heck even travel overseas might be nice! But we don't, because we have children and we put our children first. Overseas will always be there later, it's something that we can do at a later date. Puting anything above the child, is selfish in my opinion.

    I also don't think it's the 'system'. A child has the right to be brought up by BOTH their parents and a child has the right to be a priorities in each parent's life. This isn't a 'system' this is basic rights.

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  12. #58
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    Quote Originally Posted by Misschief View Post
    Bubbygirl, how old are these kids?
    Her kids are 8 and other is about to turn 4.

    Srry im only giving info that shes feeling comfortable with.

    The country she would move to is the her dream country. (not the actuall leaving just for a dream)

    Her eldest is 8 , she is the one threatened.

    Shes at that point where she just doesnt know what to do any more.

    She herself is 29. And is sick of living in fear.
    I asked her to sign up her to make it abit more useful to her but she doesnt want to make a profile and risk any security on her and her kids.

  13. #59
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    I don't think it's right, but sometimes people do the wrong thing because they feel it's the only way they can go on.

    Go overseas for a few weeks, sure - I would hope that might be a better compromise.

  14. #60
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    Im just wondering how someone can "just" move to a "dream country" like that unless they are a citizen or have a VISA?
    My dream country would be Jamaica (with the finest rum and beautiful pristine beaches), but I doubt they'll let me live there and get me a job, simply because its my dream to live there.....


 

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