I'm in two minds. Firstly, I think badly of fathers who run off overseas away from their responsibilities. So I can't help but apply that to a mother too. I see it as a weasels way out.. I wonder do they have a strong bond with that child if they can leave them behind? It just doesn't seem very responsibile, and despite our dreams, we as parents should be putting our childrens needs first usually.. And I know I would struggle to forgive my mum or dad if they left the country. Changing the custody arrangement is one thing, going across the ocean is another. But then on the other hand, if someone is depressed and struggling to be a good parent and has more support and opportunity elsewhere, maybe it would be better in the situation.
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10-03-2012 16:57 #41Senior Member
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10-03-2012 17:37 #42
Just know that if this woman did leave her child and later wanted to come back and regain custody it would be exceedingly difficult if not impossible. The father, if he chose to would have two potent arguments in favour of him keeping the child. Firstly, courts hate splitting up siblings and her doing this would be seen in a bad light. Secondy, she chose to leave and 'dump' the child with the father. Not my opinions as I dont think I know enough to give a well rounded opinion but just some things to consider for the long term.
I do not envy this decision. My mother after her divorce was in a bad way and had to move to another city. She bought tickets for her 4 kids and three of them chose to stay with thier grandmother. It broke her heart to do but she would have committed suicide if she did not move away. It took many many years for my siblings to regain a relationship with her and they still blame her for most of what goes wrong in their lives (i dont really agree with that bit). Me personally, I only a direct fear for my life or the life of my child could make me even consider it.
10-03-2012 17:38 #43
To answer the actual topic question then my child hands down every time. But doesn't sound like this is the issue sounds like you are generally concerned about your older childs safety what is it that you are so worried about sounds like a tricky situation all round but I could never ever actually physically leave my baby behind ever it's like leaving part of me behind just couldn't do it.
10-03-2012 17:46 #44
Just to clarify op, the mother would take the oldest child overseas and leave the younger one here. The older one is the one at risk so you are removing them from that risk.
I'd liken it to putting the younger one up for adoption. You could do it, but don't expect any relationship with the child in the future. And you couldn't expect to come back in a few years and regain half custody. That wouldn't be fair on the child or its father.
10-03-2012 17:52 #45-
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- Sep 2009
Bubbygirl, how old are these kids?
10-03-2012 18:57 #46Senior Member
- Join Date
- May 2009
Just because she moved overseas doesn't mean she stops being a Mum. She could ring (or skype) her child every night, and allow the syblings to keep in touch via media also.And if the father decided to try and prevent this important contact, she could petition the courts for the child to join her and sybling in their new location.The system prevents the child from being moved overseas without permission. And to get permission I would assume the court would need to be shown a stable environment for the child to go to. Therefore she would need to move first, set up a stable home, then petition the courts for the child to join them.--------------And my view is that the system is wrong preventing the custodial parent from moving the child occasionally. If the other parent wants to be in close proximity then they could move as well.Exception: I do think there should be a restriction against frequent moves (if the non-custodial parent is following also), something like:* not less than twelve months since the last move, and* no more than three moves in five years, and* no more than four moves in ten years.
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Stiflers Mom (11-03-2012)
10-03-2012 19:18 #47
I'm confused. So the country she is living in (I'm assuming australia?) is dangerous for her first child. This is all a different kettle of fish to the first post that the father won't let her (is this you??) take the younger child.
A bit more clarification might help people give their opinions...
10-03-2012 19:28 #48
I haven't read all the responses but I don't think it's right to separate siblings. I also don't think it's the right thing to do leaning a child behind.
My mother in law broke up with fil and left Dh when he was six and went to India to follow her dreams. Not cool in my book
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10-03-2012 19:42 #49-
- Join Date
- Feb 2010
- Home, where my life lies waiting, silently, for me.
personally I couldn't leave my children, either with their father or anyone else.
I wouldnt judge someone else who made that decision.
personally (and I am in this situation) I would focus on the kids, knowing that ones they are at school I would have more freedom, and save up, then travel while they were on access visits/with family. (in my case its surgery, but I cant do it until Im finished with babies, so I understand the frustration, but I know in 5 years I wont be pregnant or breastfeeding, so I can wait)
10-03-2012 20:24 #50
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