So some of you may already know that I lost my angel just over a week ago through a missed miscarriage at just shy of 12 weeks.
I was fine, I truly was. Sad of course, but had come to terms with the fact that my little Noah just wasn't meant to be. But yesterday and today have been super hard! All of a sudden I'm crying easily and wondering how he would have turned out. Would he have been naughty or cheeky or funny or just plain too cute for words? Would he love me as much as I already love him? Why was he taken from us? Why couldn't he have stayed? God knows I wanted him to stay more than anything I've ever wanted in my life.
I feel like there's something missing .. like a part of me is gone forever. I want nothing more than to be pregnant again
I was that person that wold let everyone know that I NEVER wanted children. It just wasn't for me and I couldn't picture myself ever giving up me "me" time. My mum said to me one day, "When you meet the man for you, you'll want children. Believe me." She told me this while I was married to my first husband and still saying that I never wanted children. Gee thanks Mum! But how right she was. I met my now DH and all I want is to extend our little family and make it bigger and better! I want nothing more than to give us the gift and blessing of our own little bundle of joy.
I can't look at a pregnant woman without tears welling up in my eyes. I look at little babies and feel a longing in my arms to hold one of my own. My heart aches for my own little bubba and never in a million years did I think for a moment I would ever feel like this.
Anyways I'm rambling .. this is going to sound really dumb but many many years ago a psychic told me I would have my first born at the age of 33. I turned 33 in January and I was pregnant and thinking "Wow! Maybe that psychic was right after all when I had scoffed in her face at the time". Turns out she was wrong. I couldn't possibly have my first born at 33 now
Stupid to be upset over that I know but I guess in my heart of hearts, I hoped she was right ..
Thanks for reading and sorry for the long rambling post.
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09-03-2012 09:17 #1
This sux and it's not fair!
09-03-2012 09:42 #2
I know it doesn't really help, but *hugs*.
09-03-2012 09:49 #3
Massive hugs to you!!!
I lost my angel baby exactly the same as you and still had no idea until my check...
No emotion you feel is silly. Try and be kind to yourself and acknowledge every emotion you feel. It's amazing what comes to the surface at such a heartbreaking time and what our minds remember...
I am so, so sorry this has happened to you...
09-03-2012 10:29 #4Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jan 2011
- Central west NSW
First time mummy, I am sorry for your loss, sending big hugs to you dear.
I lost triplets 7 weeks ago and have been coping ok, after a few much needed outbursts and more than a few tears, I went and bought three little teddy bears and put them on my bed. So everyday i make my bed i get to love and play with them, and position them. It sounds a bit childish I know but im in love with these three cuddly teddies. And every night when I move them to get into bed i give them all a big hug.
A phsycic told me id have only one more child with my new partner....we did ivf and I only have one embryo left. Maybe she is right... who knows. But your 33 until next January so maybe your physcic will be right too.... positive thinking and good vibes for you.
09-03-2012 17:07 #5Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jul 2011
oh you poor love, i think i'm as miserable as you are today too! would be nice if we could just sit and have a cuppa together. i took 2 days off work to recover mentally from my m/c on monday, and to be honest i did cry that day, but each day gone by i get sadder and madder. i was unfort still on the TTC and conception part of bubhub and someone announced their BFP and it made me start to well up that "i want to be the pregnant one, and i was on monday".
life does suck sometimes, but i do love the idea about the teddy bears and giving them a hug goodnight.
my gym chose the worst day to call as ask about how my gym goals were going and how my membership is almost up in a month. i felt like saying "i'm bleeding and wearing the chunkiest of pads right now, a work-out is that last thing on my mind". but i just said it was fine.
10-03-2012 10:19 #6Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jan 2011
- Central west NSW
Merri big hug to you too dear.
They say it gets easier as time goes by, but it does make it harder when people around you are announcing all the time. My youngest sister is 8 weeks pregnant and when we talk i cant help but compare how far I would have been.
I must admit your chunky pad comment made me laugh. Im having my first period since losing my pregnancy and feeling rotten... and have the chunky pad to boot!
The Following User Says Thank You to dextersmum For This Useful Post:
merri berri (10-03-2012)
14-03-2012 10:04 #7
dextersmum I'm so sorry for your loss. Loosing one is hard enough but three? It's simply not fair I say. . Thanks for the positive thinking and good vibes. I know it's silly to bank my hopes on what a psychic told me more than 5 years ago but I really hope she's right as I would love to give birth in December of this year. March is my last hope of that happening so I ovulate before the end of this month.
Merri berri I'm so sorry for your loss also. It really really sux. Not a day goes by where I don't think of my litte bubba and wish he was still here. I hate looking at pregnant women and whenever anything pregnancy/baby related comes on the TV i have to look away. It hurts far too much!
Today is another crutty day I guess .. here's hoping it gets better and here's hoping I ovulate really really soon!
14-03-2012 10:08 #8
Eko and jacksnjeff thank you so much for the virtual hugs. Believe it or not they actually do help. right back at you all!
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