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  1. #21
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    Mar 2007
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    I wish I had your strength to be honest with myself like this about 8 years ago..

    You can't fake something that isn't there and I truly believe that staying with someone just out of fear of hurting them can only lead to more unhappiness. His heart will heal and eventually he'll probably come to realise that although you have caused sadness in him now - you've actually spared him deeper heart ache later down the track.

    It can't be easy for either of you. I hope you both start to smile again soon.

  2. #22
    Rutabaga's Avatar
    Rutabaga is offline Getting it together, one day at a time.
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    Oct 2011
    Rural Darwin
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    Just for you. Keep going and be strong. I hope everything happens smoothly.

  3. #23
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
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    He just text me from work saying he feels lost today... I feel so terrible, I know this is the right thing to do! I wish he was just mad with me, its killing me knowing I'm breaking his heart.

  4. #24
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    The Kimberley WA
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    Quote Originally Posted by chubby bunny View Post
    He just text me from work saying he feels lost today... I feel so terrible, I know this is the right thing to do! I wish he was just mad with me, its killing me knowing I'm breaking his heart.
    Being honest and open with him was the best thing. You need to think of yourself, it's a terrible time for him no doubt but he will move on. You are obviously not happy with him nor do you see a future with him so it's time to move on yourself and start afresh.

  5. #25
    tiggerfields's Avatar
    tiggerfields is offline Priestess of Kult K'iesha... Mooo!
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    Apr 2011
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    I'm sorry you find yourself in this situation. I know how very hard it is. I'll tell you my story in case it is helpful for you.

    I left my first husband around five years ago. I knew I wanted to leave him about 18 months before that, but I had just got pregnant and so we decided to keep trying for the sake of the baby. It limped along for the pregnancy and the first year of DS's life but all the good will in the world couldn't save what was broken.

    He was broken by it. He really REALLY wanted to save the marriage. But I was done. And no way on earth could I stay.

    I was quite frightened to leave as he was a very dominating person. He was VERY definite that he wanted us to stay together. So it took me a long time to get the courage together to tell him I was going.

    What saved me was forming a good relationship with a wonderful relationship counsellor BEFORE I left. Having someone to discuss the breakup with before, during and after it actually happened was an invaluable resource. I credit my counsellor with the fact I am here and functional today. He was WONDERFUL. I can't tell you how much it helped.

    SEcondly I prepared my family and friends before it happened. I discussed it with them when I was thinking about it and they were ready to catch me when I fell down once it all happened.

    Finally, I'd begun researching the legal aspects so I knew what I was in for and had decided what I thought was fair and what I was entitled to. Also in terms of Centrelink payments, etc.

    All this may sound calculating and yep, it was. But I think it was sensible. Whether or not I'd prepared for the outcome before it happened, it would have happened anyway. And given you're posting here, I'm guessing you've considered this very seriously. My advice to you, if you've definitely decided to leave, is to do some of the groundwork before you actually up sticks and leave. It will make it so very much easier for you once you do.

    I am now very, VERY happily re-married so never doubt this kind of thing can end well

  6. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to tiggerfields For This Useful Post:

    katzdreams  (05-04-2012),onkybear  (14-03-2012)

  7. #26
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Couldn't read and not say something.

    Tiggerfields has some wise words.
    Make sure the first thing you do is speak to a family law solicitor before you make any financial decisions and espically before you leave the family home.

    I left my marriage about 3 years ago, and broke his heart. We just weren't working and I was so over feeling trapped. After the million-a-day txt messages and tears it turned VERY nasty. Thats why its important to get your legal advise sorted first and then go to a counsellor and get a plan of action in place. When you do leave, you will probably feel a little 'lost' so a written plan of action that you can follow will become your bible (don't forget to jot down the reasons why you left too!!).
    I feel your pain and how raw it feels to hurt someone, but you have the rest of your life ahead.... and I don't believe in being a marriage-martyr.
    If you can, try and sell the house so all connections to him are broken. Be strong and remember to look after yourself and get plenty of rest.

  8. #27
    LifeInShadesOfGrey's Avatar
    LifeInShadesOfGrey is offline Just a little bit silly :)
    Winner 2012 - Best Username
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    Feb 2011
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    I think that you have done the right thing. I know you feel bad for upsetting him but at the end of the day it sounds better off, if you guys were apart.

    To me cheating is a deal breaker immediately. No second chances. BUT Ive been on the forgiving stick too with slip ups/relationships and forgiven an ex. However I think that sort of behaviour does cause you to 'check out' emotionally.

    Just concentrate on the legal things and be swift about it. Things can turn nasty quickly and you want to make sur eyou are prepared incase they do.

    Just hang in there and I'm around if you want to have a chat just pm me.


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