+ Reply to Thread
Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 25
  1. #1
    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    Posts
    4
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked
    0
    Reviews
    0

    Default Concerned

    Hi Everyone,

    I am a bit concerned about my 3yr old stepchild.
    Keeping in mind that he is a toddler so bruises are expected.
    We’ve noticed that she never wants to go back to his mother’s, she went through a phase of constantly telling us that every bruise is from her mum.
    My partner spoke to the ex – understanding that if she is naughty sometimes a smack is necessary to which she replied that she hasn’t smacked him in over 2 months she now puts him in his room and cry it out.
    If she thinks she is in trouble she runs to a corner and cries hysterically and its only when she calms down that she tells us she was naughty.
    Of late she has mentioned little things like “mummy doesn’t talk to me” or “I don’t want to go home cos mummy is always angry”
    But the latest is “when nobody is around mummy is mean”

    While we are bit concerned in how to handle this, is it possible we are making a big deal out of nothing? Especially when we don’t have any proof just the words of the child.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Posts
    3,678
    Thanks
    788
    Thanked
    1,847
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    it's a very tricky one.

    Do you have 50/50 care? How often do you see her?

    Is the mum under new pressures or anything that could be leading to big differences in her home?

    Is the mum single or repartnered?

    Does your DH have a good relationship with her? Could he have a coffee with her and tell her what the child is saying?


    DS used to say that sort of stuff about ex when he stayed with him...said he was mean/grumpy etc I asked ex and a lot of things were fabricated or exagerated.

    It's tricky, you don't want to not react and have it be something...and you don't want to talk to her and possibly make it worse.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Posts
    6,728
    Thanks
    663
    Thanked
    862
    Reviews
    15
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    It is difficult to say if their is abuse or not, I would just keep your eye on it.

    My step son went through a similar stage around 6 months ago, pretty sure I posted on here about it somewhere, he would come with bruises, hate going home, would scream hysterically my partner would have to tell him he was taking him somewhere else but once he recognised the area he would realize he was going home, and would get extremely emotional. I think it's easy to just assume the worst, but in out case I don't think it was, step son is 4years now and tables have turned and he is now quite difficult for us, he gets emotional when he gets dropped off here, becomes quite resevered and timid when he is in our care. I think some children just deal with all the emotions of being in a seperated family different, some adjust quite easily others don't. How is your relationship with Biomum? I honestly feel like a civil relationship between seperated parents is the best thing, you don't need to be best friends, but at least be on the same par with parenting techniques and being able to communicate makes life so much easier. Goodluck, I hope your stepchild settles down, but definietly keep an eye out because it could be abuse but it may not be.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Posts
    5,687
    Thanks
    1,089
    Thanked
    4,059
    Reviews
    3
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    Gender identity crisis?

  5. The Following 11 Users Say Thank You to BlissedOut For This Useful Post:

    *Cj*  (09-03-2012),CMF  (09-03-2012),Crazyfamily  (08-03-2012),IndigoJ  (09-03-2012),KillerHeels  (09-03-2012),kriista  (08-03-2012),LoCo  (08-03-2012),Lulu56  (09-03-2012),Luna Lovegood  (08-03-2012),Ra Ra Superstar  (09-03-2012),ShanandBoc  (13-03-2012)

  6. #5
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Posts
    6,728
    Thanks
    663
    Thanked
    862
    Reviews
    15
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by BlissedOut View Post
    Gender identity crisis?
    I was kind of wondering the same thing!

  7. #6
    Join Date
    Sep 2011
    Location
    Adelaide
    Posts
    573
    Thanks
    90
    Thanked
    120
    Reviews
    40
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by BlissedOut View Post
    Gender identity crisis?
    I was getting confused and thinking "wait is this child a boy or girl."

  8. The Following User Says Thank You to Missemzy For This Useful Post:

    NancyBlackett  (08-03-2012)

  9. #7
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Posts
    2,131
    Thanks
    5,121
    Thanked
    1,220
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Write down all of the instances and take photos, just in case. Can you increase your time with him/her?

    Hope it turns out to be nothing...

  10. #8
    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    Posts
    4
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked
    0
    Reviews
    0
    oops - Her!!
    Dunno where the "him" came from lol

    No the ex and my partner do not have a good relationship. he tries to be civil but she wont have a bar of it.
    She also hates me so if im there to pick up the little one she is even more rude to my partner.
    no idea if she has a partner nor do we know where she lives (the pickup point is a mutual place) and she refuses to even adivse what suburb she lives in.

    My partner tried talking to her when the little one was saying "mummy went bang" on her leg etc and then next time we seen her she was would show us her bruises and say she fell.

  11. #9
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Posts
    3,678
    Thanks
    788
    Thanked
    1,847
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    sounds like there is a LOT of bad history and a lot of tension going on in the present...and the lil girl is the one suffering.

    Keep notes of things, but also keep in mind she sounds very confused and may well be saying the same things about when she stays with you.

    I know nothing of your partner...but, i would tread carefully if i were you, sounds like their break up/relationship was pretty bad.

    Also, put the little girl first...If you being there makes things more tense, i would not go along.

  12. #10
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Location
    Perth
    Posts
    154
    Thanks
    53
    Thanked
    31
    Reviews
    0
    Sounds dodgy. Your partner has the right to know where his own daughter lives, and to be able to see for himself what sort of conditions she's being raised in.


 

Similar Threads

  1. Should I be concerned...
    By SBear in forum Pregnancy Loss Support
    Replies: 13
    Last Post: 17-06-2012, 20:02
  2. Concerned
    By Elise2012 in forum Pregnancy & Birth General Chat
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 13-01-2012, 16:42

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
FEATURED SUPPORTER
L'il Aussie Prems FoundationAn Australian charity supporting families of premature babies & children. The charity assists families who are at ...
FORUMS - chatting now ...
❤Joyous June/July TTC!❤Conception & Fertility General Chat
Do people suck...?General Chat
Food and Mood studyResearch Help
Preparing for a NICU babyPregnancy & Birth General Chat
Do you think this is rude?Issues with Family Members
IVF Babies due Sep/Oct/Nov 2017 #2pregnancy and babies through IVF
REVIEWS
"Made bed time less anxious"
by Meld85
My Little Heart Whisbear - the Humming Bear reviews ›
"Wonderful natural Aussie made product!"
by Mrstwr
Baby U Goat Milk Moisturiser reviews ›
"Replaced good quality with cheap tight nappies"
by Kris
Coles Comfy Bots Nappies reviews ›