I feel embarrassed to even post this here and I hope that nobody will rip my head off, but I found out yesterday that we are having a boy and I admit to feeling a sense of disappointment, even of loss. This is only our first baby and we plan to have two, so I hopefully have another chance for a little girl, but I never imagined myself being the mother of a boy and I'm finding it quite hard to come to terms with.
I am happy and thankful that he is healthy and that we were even able to get pregnant at all, but am just disappointed that he is a he. DH is happy that it's a boy and he's quite offended that I am disappointed. He asked me what was so wrong with boys and it was very hard to answer! I don't think I even have an answer and I know in my head that I'm being silly, but my heart was set on a little girl.
Has anyone else felt this? And will I feel better after I let it sink in? I feel totally deflated now. Please tell me what is great about little boys to warm me up to the idea!
+ Reply to Thread
Results 1 to 10 of 28
08-03-2012 12:03 #1Senior Member
- Join Date
- Aug 2011
08-03-2012 12:18 #2
Your not alone gender disappointment is something a lot of us have been through.
I took ages to come to terms with this one being a boy. I had my heart set on a girl to balance my family I already have 3 boys an 2 girls an I know this will be my last, also I always imagined a little girl with brown eyes an dark hair, my other to girls from my previous marriage both have blue eyes, this ones dad has brown like me so thought I would finally get my mini me.
But saying all that boys really are great they will always have a special bond with you an don't turn into hormonal monsters at 12 like girls.
Feel free to message me if you want to chat. ((( hugs)))
The Following User Says Thank You to madjedjjlill For This Useful Post:
08-03-2012 12:26 #3
I could have written your post almost word for word!
I found out on Tuesday that we're are expecting a boy - should be excited right? WRONG! I really really wanted another little girl - but I think my reasons are purely selfish and un-justified.
If we had another girl, we would be financially better off (I kept ALL of DDs things as I just assumed it would be another girl - DH had a daughter from a previous r/ship, then our dd together... So the logic was there...)
I'm scared of having a boy. What if I can't bond with him, what if I don't know what I'm doing? What if he isn't anything like DD - will I be able to cope with a boy?! The fact that I'm going from 1 child to 2 is scary enough - but now throw a boy into it!! All the names DH likes, I don't and vice versa... Why could he not just be a she!!!
DH is over the moon. I think he's slightly disappointed that I was disappointed at the scan, but I can honestly say 2 days on - it is getting better.
Everyone I've spoken to says that it's completely normal and once he arrives, all my concerns will fly out the window.
I think I knew in my heart it was going to be a boy - I just didn't want my head to admit it! (the weird part is tho - when pregnant with DD I was CONVINCED she was a he. In fact it was the first thing I asked once she was born. But I wouldn't change her for the world!)
I would give it a few days/week, let it sink in. Head to the shops and buy yourself a cute little blue outfit and let yourself fall In love.
But let it be known - your not alone in your thoughts! *hugs*
The Following User Says Thank You to stretch For This Useful Post:
08-03-2012 12:35 #4
I have a little boy and I would have to say u have such a wonderful bond as mother and son. They are mummy boys. My son is 3 this year I wanted a girl but I wouldn't never change it now. I am having a little girl now and am stoked. Let it sink in and believe me u will love him
The Following User Says Thank You to Koop09 For This Useful Post:
08-03-2012 12:36 #5
Its natural, and its normal, dont feel bad, try your best to work through it, most of the time (a lot of the time) once that bubba is in your arms, it melts away and u wont be able to imagine it any other way.
08-03-2012 13:26 #6Senior Member
- Join Date
- Aug 2011
Thank you so much for the reassurance everyone. I have never heard anyone express that they are feeling like this before, but it helps to know that I am not the only person who has ever experienced it.
08-03-2012 13:33 #7
I think it is pretty common, and not something you should feel guilty for. I was stoked when I found out a had a boy in my belly and I think I would have been disappointed if it were a girl. My cousin is due in a couple of weeks and desperately hoping for a little man. They didn't find out the sex because after having nieces and nephews she is totally set on boys, and hoping that if it does turn out to be a girl she wont care when she has her in her arms.
08-03-2012 13:37 #8
I fear gender dissapointment next time around. (two. boys, hoped for girls each time) so we wont be finding out until the bubba (when there is one) will be here, because i know when im handed the bundle ill be happy no matter what
08-03-2012 13:39 #9
I found out Tuesday that we are expecting another boy.. My third. I was a little disappointed as I was hoping for a girl.. Everyone kept saying that it will be a girl, so I kinda expected it to be a girl.. I had a little cry Tuesday night then Wednesday afternoon, the cutest little pumpkin patch outfit arrived in the mail ( I bought it on eBay) & instantly imagined my lil baby boy wearing it. It was then that I felt this huge amount of happiness surge through me & now I'm like omg I'm having a baby boy & I can't wait!
I'll tell you what, my two boys are such sweethearts, they are so caring & loving & I'm so happy now to be having another one..
It's ok to feel upset, it will pass though, & when u are holding him in your arms, you will think that you couldn't possibly imagine your life without him. X
08-03-2012 13:54 #10
I feel so stupid and guilty considering I do have daughters and there are people out there who only have children of the same gender and are desperate for the opposite, but I just can't help feeling the way I do
Your post makes me feel not so alone!
OP - what you are feeling is extremely common and nothing to be ashamed of. I have no doubt you will love your little boy just as much as if he was a girl. It really isn't about the child you are carrying, but about the hypothetical one you aren't. If that makes sense?!
Shapland Swim SchoolsSemi private learn to swim classes for a maximum of 3 children in specialized heated teaching pools. Our swim schools ...
LATESTToilet training: when is the best time to start?Why it is OK for your child to be differentWhat is a blessing way? How is it different to a baby shower?
POPULARWhen can I start giving chores to my children?New baby nursery checklist – a guide to newborn essentialsWhat to pack for labour and hospital – a checklist
FORUMS - chatting now ...
Tell me about Ringwood/Donvale etcGeneral Chat
Really fast letdown causing vomiting?Breastfeeding Support
IVF babies due Sep/Oct/Nov 2017pregnancy and babies through IVF
Birth marksGeneral Health
April/May TTC group chatConception & Fertility General Chat
IUI QueryNon-IVF fertility assistance
DS development concernsGeneral Parenting Tips, Advice & Chat
WOW what a shockWorking Hubbers - Employed
Mixed slumber partyGeneral Chat