I dont think I am strict, but I do expect a lot. I expect her to behave perfectly 99% of the time, and she does. I do tend to find though that if we relax for say the school holidays, she does tend to become rather cheeky and needs to be pulled back into line.
I have never smacked her and I have sent her to her room maybe 3 times in her life,so some would say I wasnt strict but the mums that know me think im too hard on her.Mistakes are not tolerated more than once. I do come down on her like a tonne of bricks if her school work isnt up to scratch or her room is a mess. It is not acceptable to me. I sit her down and we have a lengthy conversation about why it isnt good enough. I must bore her to death!
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07-03-2012 10:02 #11-
- Join Date
- Jan 2012
07-03-2012 10:37 #12
I think I am fair but Firm. I do give grace sometimes, Eg, you are on a computer, ds and tv ban for the week, than I may lift one thing or give a day off if I can see real repentance.
07-03-2012 10:38 #13
Do we have very strong boundaries... absolutely. Do the boys know their boundaries? For sure.
Am I punitive? Not in the least.
I think my kids are awesome. Sure they're busy and full on, and often cross the line.. but they're kids, and they are in the process of learning how to make good choices and how to make reasonable compromises. They are in the process of learning how to deal with conflicts and frustrations and disappointments.
DO they behave well most of the time... not really. But they are learning.. and I would MUCH rather a 7yr old who stands up and yells "I am getting extremely frustrated that you keep interrupting me, Gabriel!!!! Mum! Can you help sort this out?!!" Than a 7 year old who pushes him and tells him to "get away you little pain"
So I suppose the answer is we have strong family values, which I expect to be upheld.
Including me... which means I apologise too.
07-03-2012 10:49 #14
I do what needs to be done with the child I was given. Yes, that means being strict in some areas, letting go in other areas, but I have never been anything but fair.
07-03-2012 11:36 #15
We are strict in some areas, pretty relaxed in others. We follow through on punishment and expect our rules to be followed. Dd just learnt big time about rules this past week and has just come off her being banned from her dsi. She has chores as she's almost seven and rules that apply just to her.
We get told we are harsh and too strict and in the same breath are complimented on how well behaved and well mannered our children are.
07-03-2012 12:08 #16
07-03-2012 12:13 #17Senior Member
- Join Date
- Nov 2007
I was pretty lucky to grow up in a very easygoing family, I don't recall ever even being yelled at once. I do always find it interesting on 'wife swap' that the children of the stricter households find the change really difficult and want to go home where there's (often OTT) rules and expectations.
My Mum did grow up with overly authoritative parents and she swore never to do it to us. Her mum is quite lovely... her dad is another story when it comes to children.
07-03-2012 12:30 #18
I HAVE to be strict with DD because of her personality. She is the very definition of "give her an inch and she'll take a mile". Looks for any sign of weakness and gets straight in there to exploit it.
She started school recently and she is absolutely loving it, she thrives with rules and boundaries and knowing what is expected of her.
I'll admit that it doesn't come naturally to me. I'm more of a "go with the flow" type mum. Some days I feel like letting her get away with more, other days I have a much lower tolerance. It does confuse her and causes problems and I have to try really hard to be consistent.
It's a lot harder when there is no set routine with visits to her dad and every week is different.
07-03-2012 12:35 #19
hi, I have raised four children, with equal love and discipline, but with different methods and different expectations. Each child is different, the family dynamic is constantly changing, I had boundries, never bothered with star charts, sometimes did a time out, or grounding when they were older. My kids are all grown adults and Im proud of them and I love being with them. My grandkids are totally spoilt, I love them more than life itself, and I dont care what anyone says. Boundries are important, but ' maximum affection' is what kids need. Marie.
07-03-2012 12:40 #20
DD is only 22mths so I haven't had to be *strict* yet. But I definitely acknowledge the need for consistent boundaries. At the moment there's not much that's off limits at our house. But, for things that are off limits (e.g. wandering around the house eating, standing on furniture) then she gets one warning and then calmly removed from the situation. She is not easy to distract at all unless she is removed so this works for us. Sometimes it results in a little yelling/crying, but often she doesn't seem to care - I think often she is just trying to test the boundaries to see what the consequences are.
I hope as she gets older I can be consistent and fair and that will help her grow and learn.
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