do you believe that forming boundaries at young ages, and setting consequences will help your child learn to behave later in life , by setting the groundowrk i guess, or do you think it will make them rebel?
i am fairly strict. like if i ask them to do something and they don't i give them a choice...do as asked before i count to 3 or go to room or something else that suits (pack away room or such and such toy will be put away).
i do try and see what they are doing first before getting too mad as i find i was getting mad all the time. but if i see ds climbing up on the bench i try to find out why he is doign it first. if it's for something that isn't him being mischievious then i offer to help and give alternatives for next time. if it's naughty then i get him down straight away and he wil kick and scream which results in being sent to time out.
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07-03-2012 07:19 #1
how strict are you with your kids, andn why/why not?
07-03-2012 07:49 #2Senior Member
- Join Date
- Dec 2009
We are quite strict with fair boundaries and fair punishments when boundaries are broken (time out) and lots of rewards for good behaviour. If you can't get your child to listen to you and behave at 2 (within reason of course as 2 year olds are 2 year olds) what hope do you have in getting them to listen at 13. Rules, rewards and punishments need to be age appropriate to be fair but to let your kids run wild with no rules/discipline they will always be wild and god help society when they are teenagers.
07-03-2012 07:50 #3
I have boundaries and rules but I admit I'm pretty soft. DH is the disciplinarian (and even then he doesn't smack). That comes from a painfully strict upbringing where I felt like I was in this constant state of anxiety trying to get everything right and not get in trouble.
Never would I put my kids what I went thru. While children do need boundaries there is a middle ground and sometimes kids need to just be kids.
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07-03-2012 07:56 #4
We have boundaries but I'm not strict. I try to be as fair as possible. I draw the line at hitting, biting, pushing, screaming, yelling, and general aggressive behaviour.
07-03-2012 07:59 #5
We give DS boundaries and expect him to respect others, but I also pick my battles and am not on his case 24/7.
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07-03-2012 08:09 #6Senior Member
- Join Date
- Nov 2007
I can be a softie but I'm sure my friends probably see me as a big meanie lol.
I have a strict bed time for DS, I won't let him act feral in public and I won't let him be so loud or overbearing that the rest of the household is uncomfortable. We have rules like not running in the house and I don't want to be his friend but more importantly, his mother.
He's a great kid in saying that and it's not often that I have to remind him to watch his behaviour.
07-03-2012 08:13 #7Senior Member
- Join Date
- Dec 2008
I am strict but I know that word is looked down on by other parents I know. I am firm and have set boundaries but my oldest child is only 4 and its not like I stand over him drilling him for breaking the rules or anything.. I don't like to be a control freak either. I have done a few parenting courses as part of my job and study and one thing I have taken from them is that children need their parents to be firm, in control, rational, and have clear boundaries. This makes them feel safer and have a clear idea of what is expected of them.. This doesn't mean they won't test boundaries etc but if parents keep moving the markers and changing the rules then children feel that there really ARE no boundaries (hello my entire childhood) . On the other hand, "ruling with an iron fist" or whatever that saying is, I don't think is helpful either.. Parents need to be fair and kind too in my opinion. Its pretty much a big challenge for me to strike that balance
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07-03-2012 08:24 #8
We have A sticker chart in our house.
one for ds = 5
and one for dd = 3 half
if they have been well behaved all day then a green sticker is awarded.
if someone miss behaved, they are given one chance and if they miss behave again then a green sticker is taken away...
in the event of no more green stickers left on the chart, and they miss behave again, a red sticker is given. for every red sticker they get a talk explaining what they did wrong and if they get 5 red stickers then they have to spend time in their room (this is rare.)
alternatively if they are awarded 5 green stickers then they get a small prize eg a lolly or something.
if they get 10 green stickers then they get to choose a big prize eg going to the zoo or bowling! right now ds has 10 green and dd has 9 green stickers by the end of today she will most likely have 10.
this really works for us :-)
and the kids really respect and appreciate it to. we very rarely have to take green stickers away. :-) they have improved so much since we made them.
07-03-2012 08:29 #9
07-03-2012 09:48 #10
Ds is a good kid and rarely needs reminding to do things and obey the rules, his one thing is he has to learn to acknowledge people when they speak to him... He hears it, he just doesn't respond so it appears he is ignoring people.
Ds's is a different story. Needs constant reminding, can not do things without 60 reminders. I am not a patient person and it baffles me how a 6 year old who is required to open his blinds and window every morning can just "forget" u do it every day! How do u forget, it's built in! Does my head in.
I am strict in regard to house rules and behaviour, but I do not smack or ground them. I use time out and if I am at my wits end I take toys away or the child misbehaving will miss out on an activity for the first ten minutes or something.
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