Hi anyone, My name is Jessica and I have depression. I have haf depression for a very very long time and no matter what I do, that black dog always seems to find me. I wish i knew why but there are no answers. I have started drinking again and although I know I can't it brings some relief for awhile although I always end up here, sad and lonely and thinking about my life. I am 27 and have been depressed for half of my life. When does it stop? My depression is cyclical and I usually always know when the darkness is coming but not this time. It seems I was long over due and this time I didn't get a warning. I just can't move on from this. I am tired of playing this game. I wish my parnter could try and understand me but he doesn't. I can't tell him how I am feeling because I always get the same response " I am sorry but I don't know what to say" How about telling me everything will be ok and I will always be here for you!!!! My partner has no empahty and cannot understand the magnitude of my depression so why bother talking to him in the first place? I guess it doesnt make it any easier when I can't even explain my feelings, why I feel this way and what I can do about it beucase honestly I have no answers. And you say it and I have done it, medication, stays in mental health units, psychiatrists, psychologists, social workers, nurses, doctors, naturopath, I have tried it all. What is wrong with me? Why do I always end up like this even though I run and run to try and get away from it? Oh dear, I am so sorry for rambling. I must sound like a crazy person but it is hard not to think like one sometimes when this is what life can dish out to a person. What is next for me, full blown insanity, or a life with highs and lows that don't fall above and beyond the intensity of others lives? I am sorry, nothing makes sense anymore
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05-03-2012 23:42 #1
oh no!! the black dog has found me again :(
06-03-2012 00:02 #2Senior Member
- Join Date
- Sep 2005
06-03-2012 00:07 #3
I'm so so sorry you're feeling this way (again). I can definitely relate to some of the things you have said but cannot imagine others.
I know you said you've done it all, but just want to ask - has your partner/hubby gone with you to any counselling sessions? Does/would he make that much effort to try to understand you, to help you?
I hope you can get thru this hard time again. I'm totally against cruelty to animal but I hope the black dog goes missing ;-) xxx
06-03-2012 00:18 #4
So sorry you are feeling this way. I have never suffered from depression. But I have family members who do and I can only imagine what it must be like for you.
A few of your words sparked in me the thought of bi polar. Have you ever looked into that as a possibility? Bi polar 2 doesn't have the huge manic highs like people associate with bi polar, but it does have the cyclic lows. After battling with what everyone diagnosed as just depression for about 10 years, my sister in law was finally diagnosed with BP2 and is now very stable and happy on the correct meds. Just food for thought. Hope things improve for you. Don't forget that there Are a lot of resources for support out there if you need them.
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