I cannot think of any occassion when I have trusted my intuition and regretted it.
I can think of numerous occassions when I went against my intuition and explained away a situation or talked myself out of something and then regretted it.
Mother's intuition is strong.
What you are describing are warning signs we've all been told to look out for. It might not be obvious to everyone, but predators are usually manipulative and groom parents and children for abuse. They need trust from parents and kids and they need access in order to abuse.
Keep being vigilant! Definately set boundaries with him too so that he knows you're watching him. If you aren't facilitating the interaction, you set boundaries and its obvious that you're not playing the game, your kids are far less likely to be the target because there is no opportunity to groom and escellate the behaviour. Even if it is innocent, you're uncomfortable and the behaviour is unusual and you need to set boundaries.
I would rather be a b1tch with safe kids than to be nice and polite for the sake of not upsetting a predator.
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07-03-2012 15:26 #71
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07-03-2012 15:36 #72
Thankyou MMellisa that's exactly right. The man who abused me for YEARS as a child was close to my family and everyone thought he was just a nice man who really likes kids
I just don't see how or why lip kissing or bathing young children is nessicary in order to show love and affection I just don't, like at all. You can be playful with kids and involved in their lives without such physical intimacy.
07-03-2012 21:37 #73Senior Member
- Join Date
- Feb 2005
I wouldn't let him kiss on the lips, go to the park alone with them or bathe them. Its all baloney. I wouldn't make any excuses for him either.
A little bit of affection is ok, but thats all going too far.
01-04-2012 21:56 #74
I was abused at 3yo by my father's stepfather (so my step-grandfather). My parents had NO inkling from him at all, no suspicions, nothing. Then once a doctor saw me and started asking questions about some physical and behavioural abnormalities, my parents FREAKED! I had only been with them and both sets of grandparents. A family friend (of my dad's mum and step-dad) called my dad over and said they had suspected Mike was "odd" for years (the step-grandfather) and had stopped their children going there unsupervised. My dad started remembering things about his step-fathers relationships with his daughters (one of whom committed suicide at 16). Unfortunately, most abused children were abused by family members of family friends.
I am saying this as an abused child, and hence an extremely cautious mother. Be vigilant, and I would definitely say something. DH's support or not! My DP thinks I overreact when it comes to my DD's stepgrandfather (see the correlation here people?) as he was asking COMPLETELY inappropriate questions about labour, induction and breastfeeding, constantlyyyyyyy! So I'd say stick to your guns, in the end a bit of arguing with DH is better than something happening. It tore my parents marriage apart. My dad has only just recovered (I don't think fully either), so in the end you're protecting DH as well!
MIL knows my background but says "we can trust her"...in my experience - it's quite often the one's you think you can trust that do the most damage!
01-04-2012 23:07 #75
01-04-2012 23:29 #76
I think the stats say something like up to 25% of children will be sexually abused at some point, it's not just some random thing that rarely happens. I think its understandable that parents are almost hyper vigilant about this issue. Also re the comments about 'would you feel the same way about an aunt' - again with the stats - well apparently women make up like 0.5% of convicted pedophiles. Sure there could be more, but with those kind of stats in mind, it makes complete sense that ppl would be generally more alert around men showing an interest in children opposed to a woman doing the same thing, sad but true and justified IMO.
Glad to hear you've followed your gut on this OP.
Last edited by bada; 01-04-2012 at 23:42.
01-04-2012 23:37 #77
Have you brought this up with him?
I would imagine if you have a creepy feeling about him, he is in fact a creep. Gut instincts are often right. However, there is the small chance he is over affectionate and inappropriate. Call him on it, then you will know by his reaction.
The other thing to consider is that the majority of men are all too aware of how their interest in children may appear. For better or worse, most restrict their behaviour, worried that someone might think the wrong thing about them. I would be a bit concerned about someone who didn't think that way. I have actually had to encourage my little brother to be more affectionate with my kids. I think he was scared to and they thought that their uncle didn't like them much.
Last edited by Opinionated; 01-04-2012 at 23:50.
14-04-2012 18:46 #78Junior Member
- Join Date
- Feb 2012
I have been in this predicament my self and let's just say I'm sorry I had no place to turn to have someone tell me about my gut feelings. What ever you do dont end up in my situation where all we can do is try repair the damage done to our children. My brother sil and my mother no longer talk to me because my sf was arrested after my sons disclosure but I'd rather that than my child's abuse continuing. They have all abandoned us and I quote say its a lie but I can assure you it's not. I am so angry with myself for not acting sooner on instincts alone. But with all I now know about abuse in general after the fact it was yelling at me in the face the whole time and it now all makes sence. I trusted that if my mother was there nothing could happen and also thought that this man loved them too much to hurt them. These sorts of people will do many thing to gain trust and yes they are good with kids in public that's how they get your trust. All too willing to help in any way eager to get time alone with your child even when the child says they don't want to. Don't risk your child. It only takes 5 seconds to dramatically have their lives ruined for ever!
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14-04-2012 19:07 #79
all I can say is, do NOT leave these children with this man unattended - it is far better to hurt this guys feelings & be wrong than to have your children molested & lives ruined forever. I will not go into details of my own experiences or other people close to me but suffice to say intuition in these circumstances is key…….your mumma bear instincts are there for a reason & it's your job to look out for your babies even if adults egos aren't being stroked.
You sound like a good mum. Stick with your inner guide, when it comes to people sometimes words cannot explain things & theres something you can't quite put your finger on…..very rarely have I had this feeling (if ever) & been wrong & i am sure you are the same. Have you ever thought someone was creepy & been wrong, & either way its not a risk worth taking.
Keep the kids close & keep a close eye on this man when he is with your children.
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14-04-2012 20:42 #80
ok, what he's doing is just a giant NO!!!!! Normal men can show love and affection for kids that is very appropriate, not like this stuff. Darl, this does sound worrying, no normal bloke would do this, they'd have more sense than that. Don't know what I can suggest, except don't leave your kids with that guy or in any situation he can be around them alone (like you said with your in laws alone etc)
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