I just wanted to make sure that I added that OP, if you have icky feelings, then listen to them.
Thing is, you're the only one who knows this dude to get those feelings... so I have no problems with that, but it's a bit stupid when others have replied with "OMG HE MUST BE A PAEDOPHILE!" sentiments as if they have any bloody either way.
I doubt it's his behaviour alone that's given the OP these feelings... sometimes it's a combination of behaviour, the person's general attitude/vibe and just feelings you can't attribute to anything. This behaviour alone does not MEAN paedophilia. I kiss my daughter on the lips. I'm not a paedophile. I have requested to bathe other people's children, to take them out ALONE, to carry them pretty much the entire time I'm there, etc... people go, "Oh, she's so clucky isn't she?" and giggle. Nobody goes, "Wow, OMG, paedophile just waiting to get your kids alone! Be wary!"
If I had a penis they might though.
My annoyance with this thread has nothing to do with the OP or her reaction or feelings - more the responses of others who think they can decide someone is a paedophile based on actions which are not paedophile-specific.
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06-03-2012 19:38 #51
07-03-2012 00:31 #52Senior Member
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- Sep 2005
07-03-2012 05:56 #53
Remind me when my son is born that my BIL can't babysit him, can't bath him or show affection to him..
No wonder little boys grow up with a "don't cry, be a man, don't show feelings" attitude.
There is no point doing the whole "if it was a woman would there be an issue" deal..
WE ARE TALKING ABOUT A MAN NOT A WOMAN.
Stop making it a sexist issue.
End of story.
IMO I don't think anything this BIL is Doing is wrong, maybe your irked out by him because of his history and are just picking up everything he does as an annoyance...
I personally know if I have a pre-conceived notion about someone which makes me dislike them a teeny bit, everything that person does will annoy me or I will think is wrong.
I'm not saying the other posters are incorrect in their view whether this person is grooming or not.
Just keep your eye on it.
Because I could think of nothing worse than accusing my partners brother of being a pedophile when in fact he just loves my child.
Last edited by Nazgul; 07-03-2012 at 06:01.
07-03-2012 06:52 #54
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07-03-2012 07:28 #55
I purely said IN MY OPINION (as I've let others go about their salem witch hunt in a quiet, un-judgmental way) to keep an eye on it as I wouldn't want to be making any accusations without a basis other than "he shows too much interest in the children."
And didn't the OP state this person has a mental and previous drug history?
Does that make someone a pedophile in today's day and age?
Should we all start ushering our children away from ex-drug users or from people with disabilities "in case" they are pedophiles because they "say things or act inappropriately in social situations."?
Or should children just avoid ANYONE who says things or acts in a way that someone could think its inappropriate in social situations?
All I am doing is trying to point out logic in the arguments put forth.
I'd hate for us to live in a community were we are all guilty before proven innocent.
Pedophiles don't drop out of trees you know.
Last edited by Nazgul; 07-03-2012 at 07:32.
07-03-2012 07:56 #56Senior Member
- Join Date
- Aug 2010
Intuition is not fact or knowledge.
Intuition can be wrong.
We should be educating our children and keeping an eye on everyone near our children.
There would be no harm is setting some boundaries for your piece if mind.
07-03-2012 09:20 #57
So far everything OP has done is appropriate. She has an intuition and takes careful steps to protect her children without confronting or accusing the BIL of anything. I'm thankful that she opened this thread, I learned a lot from everyone for an important parenting skill.
My mom was a single mom and one of her male friends used to kiss me all over the face till it's wet when I was 5, I hated it but didn't know what to do to stop him. One day my stepfather (ex now) went into my bed to sleep with me because we had a relative came to visit and they slept in his bed, my mom was on night shift that day, i wasn't comfortable & couldn't sleep that night but didn't know what to do. Maybe he thought it was normal because he used to cuddle me all the time and I thought of him like my real dad. I was 11 then, 2 years later he beat me up and tear my shirt when mom wasn't home, it wasn't not sexual abuse, more of violence. I don't think of both of them as pedophile but I was very uncomfortable and my mom didn't teach me how to react in those situation nor did she set clear boundaries of other people around me, and what IF they were pedophile, I don't want to think about it!
Last edited by lovesushi; 07-03-2012 at 10:43.
07-03-2012 09:30 #58-
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- Jan 2012
07-03-2012 09:31 #59Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jan 2009
Sometimes you just get a strong sense that something is not right.
I went away for a birthday weekend, which included several young children under 3. The host's step FIL was there and he creeped me out. He could barely control his excitement to be around young kids and made inappropriate comments, eg. there was a large bath and the kids had a bath together and he said "oh, I wish I could join in". Seriously, it was like putting their favourite thing in front of an addict - he eyes lit up and he almost salivated.
He may never act on his urges, but I would bet my house that he has them.
It disturbed me enough that I asked the host's sister if the host ever left her child with step FIL, as I felt really concerned.
Anyway, it's a horrible situation for you to be in OP. I would never allow unsupervised contact with BIL, but never say anything either. I only skim read the rest of the thread so I haven't seen whether you've been able to discuss this with your husband (I presume he's the brother of your BIL). that would be very awkward and you would have to tread carefully.
07-03-2012 10:11 #60
My intuition has allways been pretty spot on.
I remember a few years ago my mothers male friend was over and i had to drop by because it was my youngest DDs birthday and she wanted to see her. I just KNEW i couldn't trust him and that he would make a bee line for my eldest DD don't know why i just knew it and omg was i right!!. (i have met him before several times).
I told my 13 year old DD on the way there that when she goes in to just walk right into my mothers room to avoid him. Yes i did warn her.
And you know what? He took one look at her and literally got up and FOLLOWED her into the bed room!!!!
It was literally like he couldn't control himself and floated in her direction. I was RIGHT behind him. He didn't realise at first and i was like umm what are you doing in here?!! He said he was looking for my mother i said well i just got here and you can clearly hear and see that shes in the bathroom with the hair dryer going -which was opposite to her bedroom like 3 feet away he had tyo walk past my mother to follow my daughter into the bed room. It makes my blood boil just thinking about it.
(he tried it on me once years prior also)
Intuition should never be ignored. I can't imagine what would have happened if she was there with him there and i wasn't around!
If i ever see that snake again i will give him a mouthful. This is the one thing i am not shy about- protecting my children. And i would bet everything i own thazt man is a pedo garunteed!
Last edited by laurea; 07-03-2012 at 10:18.
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