I really need some advice on my DS's behaviour. He is 22months and driving me insane.
About six months ago i re partnered. It took DS a little bit to adjust to him but now they get along great. DS has never had his bio father in his life and from the start it has just been he and i so i expected it to be a big change for him and was quite surprised at how he adjusted. The only thing that is a problem now is every time DP hugs me or kisses me in front of DS, he flips out and throws a brilliant toddler wobbly on the floor. As soon as we break it up, DS stops and moves onto other things.
Anyway, DP and i have decided that the time has come where we would like to start living together and have been trialing it over the past few weeks. Everything has been going really really well. DS (who was a co sleeper) has moved into his bed and out of mine and DP's room with little fuss, he adores DP and asks for him when he's at work and is always ready for cuddles from DP when he gets home. Things are really good........until the weekend comes........
DP has a son who he has every weekend. His son is 2 months younger than DS. His DS is a very calm and timid kind of kid and my DS has turned into a bully whenever he is around. If his son comes too close to my DS then DS will push him. If his son has any particular toy in his hand that my DS would usually play with during the week then he will walk up to his son, push him, and take the toy out of his hand. I can't pick up his DS because mine will flip out and scream blue murder and so on.
I started reacting to the behaviour by raising my voice to DS and removing him from the situation however it just does not seem to be sinking in with him and when ever he gets used to have this other little boy around, DP's son is back to his mums house for the week then the following weekend its like we have to start at square one again. Due to bedroom shortage, we have the two boys in the same room, however, DS causes fuss when he goes to bed so DP won't have the boys in the same room on weekends and my DS is in with us which is another inconsistency into his new routine.
I don't know what to do about the pushing and DS's territorialness. DP and i have been bickering a bit because i am so tired of seeing DS yelled at about things all the time and he's tired of seeing his son being pushed by mine and it's just a madhouse.
I could really use some advice or suggestions on how i can handle this situation if anyone can help?
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04-03-2012 16:00 #1
DS has lost it...
04-03-2012 18:50 #2
I could be wrong, but it sounds like your DS might have found a way to get your attention, except it is negative attention. He's probably feeling threatened and needs attention but he's going about it the wrong way.
My DD is still rough with her brother who is 1 and I spend half my life umpiring. However, she's 4 and should know a bit better than your younger son!
I know it's sometimes easier said than done but you need to find ways to give him positive attention so that he doesn't feel the need to seek the negative attention. Pick up on even the tiniest little thing and praise him as much as possible. It's never fun being in trouble all the time and it does tend to start a bit of a vicious cycle.
Also talk to him about it. At 22 months I'm not quite sure what they understand but try talking to him about treating other people the same way he'd like to be treated. I also find kids like lots of notice about what's going to happen so talk to him on friday night about what will happen tomorrow and how you expect him to behave.
Good luck with it all. Hopefully it's a passing phase as he adjusts to the changes in his life.
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04-03-2012 19:32 #3
Probably not what you want to hear but I think it's probably quite reasonable behavior by your DS.. he had his mummy to himself, slept in her bed and had her 24/7 - now he has to share her, has to sleep in another room during the week and then gets kicked back out of that room when some other kid comes to sleep every weekend.
He must be very confused and probably pretty mad at this other kid who has interrupted his life, especially as the attention from your partner is probably all directed at his own little boy on weekends.
My suggestions would be to make sure DS has his own special place in the home. If he is sleeping in his own room during the week, make it his special place with his own special toys. If the other child has to share the room every weekend get a permanent bed set up for him so DS knows that it is a permanent thing. Get him to help you set up another bed in there and a special space for DPs son. Set up beds with different bedding (one blue and one red or similar idea) so they both have a distinctive space that they can recognize.
You may also need to work out a strategy for DP and yourself to deal with the confrontations between the kids. Having DP yell at your DS would probably not help DS to accept the situation, he would just blame DPs DS for that too.. At his age he can't really explain his feelings so is reacting the only way he knows how.
Perhaps have DPs DS bring some of his own toys to leave at your house and have a communal toy box for them both, as well as a special box of toys in their rooms where they can keep their favorite things for their personal play only?
Just some ideas to consider, hope things get easier. It must be so difficult.
Last edited by 2girls1boyplus1; 04-03-2012 at 19:46.
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