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  1. #1
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    Default Dad advice

    I haven't spoken to my Dad in 10 years. He was an abusive alcoholic while I was in my early teens, he would even drink drive with me in the car (crashed once). In my early 20's I stopped calling/visiting him. He never called or visited me so we have not spoken since. His Girlfriend has rang a couple of times but I have avoided talking to her. I have suffered Depression for many, many years and my Phsyc advised me not to be in contact with my Dad.

    Many things have changed since. I have been told my Dad has stopped drinking, I am older and wiser and have a DW & 2 young kids, DD & DS. My Depression is managed with the help of meds but I know the black dog is still back there.

    I have been considering contacting him in recent months and have just found out he might be at a family function I have to go to. When I found this out it scared me ALOT. Will the decision be taken out of my hands?

    I have found myself wondering what type of role model I am being to my own kids if I can not forgive and forget the trouble I had with my Dad. I would want MY kids to forgive me. The thought of DS or DD not talking to me horrifies me.

    What do you think?

  2. #2
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    I'd go to the reunion, if he speaks to you, great. If not, so be it.

    If I hadnt seen someone is so long, I'd want other people to be around just in case poop hits the fan.

  3. #3
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    That's tough. WHY do you want to talk to him? What do you expect to gain out of it, if anything?

  4. #4
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    Ohhh its very tricky but I agree with with Triple time. If worse comes to worst, at least there will be other people there and you won't have to feel upset if it doesn't work out the way you want. Then again, he may be genuinely sorry and apologise, especially considering he hasn't touched a drink and cleaned himself up (but how long for and how long has he been with his girlfriend?). Do you feel that you owe him a second chance?

    Its already a fragile relationship, weigh up why you want to speak to him like EmyB has said, and if its going to be something that's going to trigger something negative than you may need to reconsider. I think the fear factor is because there is no degree of control about where you're meeting and how long for etc and that's perfectly natural. You sound like a great dad


 

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