Good advice on here, sad for you reading all your troubles
The 2nd phone sounds good, and good advice from the lass on here with bi polar and how it, makes her react ..
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02-03-2012 08:42 #11
Last edited by baby please; 05-03-2012 at 11:18.
02-03-2012 10:34 #12
'Compulsive lying' is a symptom not a diagnosis. You asked the question 'can I see his medical records?'. No you can't unless he gives you written permission or you go with him to see his caseworker/treating doctor. You may like to get in touch with COPMI (Children of Parents with a Mental Illness). They may be able to help you in supporting the children and understanding a little of what is going on (www.copmi.org.au). You could also try called his local Community Mental Health Service if you know which area he lives in. You can ask them if he is a patient there and if so can you talk to his case manager. The case manager can not tell you anything about him but you can say 'I am concerned for his wellbeing and knowing you have a duty of care, I think it's important for you to know.....'. You may find it helpful to call arafmi. They are in Queensland and they offer support etc to people like yourself. You will need to google them.
It is very hard work dealing with someone who is unwell especially when they self medicate with drugs.
03-03-2012 06:30 #13
thanks everybody for the info - that's great.. will get in touch with compi and check out arafmi in qld...
he rang yesterday.. he sounded completely drugged up.. he asked if he could see the kids Sunday. I said 'no because of what's been going on with you I don't think it's a good idea' he just said 'okay'.. I asked him where he was atm (mostly because my solicitor was writing to his home address) he said he wasn't at home. He's actually in an area of the police (don't worry he's not a cop thank goodness!) but he said he was in a police house and was being watched.. just a jumble of stuff that doesn't make sense.. so it could all be lies or I have no idea where he is or what's going on.. it's all a mystery as usual with him. I told him my solicitor was going to write to him etc.. and he just said 'oh well get him to write to me and I'll get my solicitor to respond' but he doesn't have a solicitor. We've been down this road many times with him where he told my solicitor he had a solicitor and gave her a card with a number on it when she rang they said they had never spoken to him.. he gives everybody the run around. I things are getting serious either with the drugs or lies or mental illness. For now I'm going to say no to visits and he'll probably go crazy but from everybody I've spoken to (rang relationships australia) they have all said stop the visits for now and basically I need to go back to court to make him have supervised access.. but that will cost me again! I had to take him to court to divorce him and get the consent orders done, even with legal aid it cost me 550.. I wonder if legal aid will pay for another visits as I know they won't revisit the consent orders but this is a slightly different thing? will have to make a heap of phone calls monday - but the more and more I think about it I need to protect the children and stop protecting him!
05-03-2012 06:53 #14
hi girls, well he rang thursday sounded completely stoned and said he wanted to see the kids sunday.. I said no. he was resigned and just said 'okay' I was suprised. he's so deluded it's hard to have a conversation with him.
It was a more relaxed weekend for everybody because we knew he wasn't coming but last night I found it hard to sleep wondering about what to do...
I see my councillor today and she has dealth with him before so gives me a bit of advice as to how to cope with things a bit but she believes he might be a sociopath http://www.mcafee.cc/Bin/sb.html looking at the indicators I think she might be right!
Has anybody divorced a sociopath before - how did you manage?
Also, what steps do I have to go through to make him have supervised access.. do we have to back to court? I'm hoping I can get legal aid again (got it for the consent orders/divorce).. I have 100% custody so wondering if we need to go to court to force him to have supervised visitation. I'd rather not have all the costs again.. but want to know the kids are safe. wondering if I should just say he has to visit them at my place (I know that means I have to deal with him)... just don't know how best to approach it.
my solicitor is writing to him to get him to state his mental health and physical health conditions etc.. but I can't see the point in that as he won't reply.. he already told me thursday he's in some sort of safe house on the otherside of down being watched (for self harm?).
I'm just totally in the dark as to what is really going on with him...
will ring legal aid this morning..
05-03-2012 08:58 #15
My ex sounds a lot like yours- mine gets 2 nights a fortnight and is fairly reliable about turning up but does have serious breakdowns on the phone- hence having 2 phones- one cheapie prepaid for the ex and one for everyone else- works.
As far as I know if he consents to supervised visits then you don't need to go back to court. If Legal Aid won't help you could get the Womens Legal Service to help draw up consent orders; if he signs it then its just a matter of registering it with the courts and booking into a supervision centre.
The Following User Says Thank You to MummysYellowCar For This Useful Post:
06-03-2012 06:41 #16
my ex rarley turns up and has no overnight visitation - I have 100%. I wouldn't let him take all the kids over night (my oldest has gone twice) because my exhusband has been known to sleep walk/talk etc etc.. but my oldest is a bright boy and would know what to do.. the others are too young.
my solicitor write to him and sent me a copy..I really annoyed though because my solicitor attached a copy of the email I sent him outlining all the things my ex has done (including my suspcious he has been fraudulent... but that was just me talking to the solicitor!).. when rang to ask him about it he said that he only inclued 'some' of my information so very vague!! I said my ex could sue me for slander! but solicitor said it's not possible.. still it's not going to help with ex being nuts already! oh and solicitor told me that it's going to cost me $400 forthat letter and legal aid don't cover it - money well spent? well only if my ex replies with his mental health situation outlined... which he won't do as he never replies to anything. ugh! waste of money!!! my solicitor also said I would have real trouble getting him to have court assigned supervised access because I'd have to prove he is mentally unwell or unfit to see the children (and I don't even know where ex is atm) and that it could take 2-3 years before it was seen at court.. oh and also ex might get more supervision not less with the children depending on the judge so all in all...including the cost.. not worth it.
atm I'm stopping him seeing the children for now and he's going to have to send a response to my solicitor before I will let him see the kids again...
I saw my councillor yesterday as was a total mess with nervse wrecked... she said to stop picking up the phone (so now I have to screen my calls), stop answering text and stop answer emails he sends.. so cut off all contact from him totally... this sounds hard but I'm going to do it and have told all my family and friends I'm screening calls. Not sure what willl happen but will wait and see... horrible waiting for the 'other shoe to drop' but for now he hasn't contacted me the last 4 days (I know he will want to see the kids sunday) but as my councillor said... stop trying to anticipate his next move.. you can't..he's so unstable he probably won't turn up even if he says he will.
legally he can collect the children from school/kindy on a tuesday and there is nothing I can do about it.. I just asked the kindy to keep an eye on him to see if he is stoned but really.. there is nothing they can do. sucks.
06-03-2012 10:28 #17
As hard as it is to have to say this (and to hear it on your part) the solicitor does have a point- if it goes to court it could get worse and he could well get overnight visits whether or not you agree to it. My ex sleepwalks/ talks. The courts sent him for psychiatric assessment and he was diagnosed with alcoholism (serving 6th drink driving conviction at time of court case); has been diagnosed with schizophrenia in the past however all 3 hospitals where he was treated refused to release his records to the court citing that 'the records could not be located' and they could provide no insight on what he was treated for; all they could provide was dates where he was admitted. My son was 2 1/2 when they courts allowed overnights to start happening; If we'd lived closer the courts would have given more.
He had the diagnosis of alcoholism & 6 months of overnights and the courts said 'well... nothing's gone wrong lets make this final- come back and see us if something goes wrong'. Short of it is they say you can't stop the relationship from happening until something goes wrong.
Hope it works out for you.
07-03-2012 06:37 #18
that's crazy re your ex!!! and that sounds so dangerous you poor thing!!!
well he responded to my solicitor with a really stupid letter (made him look really bad).. with a sort of emailed rant, he referred to a Fr in the church who knew what was going on and told my solicitor to contact him (I rang the Fr and he had no idea about him so another lie), he said he's going to sue me.. he's going to stop child support on hardship grounds (atm he pays through a csa agreement slightly more than he's suppost to but he did the agreement because I wanted to get his income access and he refused to get it access...guess he had something to hide). it was just a really threatening letter saying he's going to take me to court etc.. I know it's all rubbish.. he also said he was going to see the kids sunder unsupervised.
I just replied to him saying he rang on x and x dat and told me he was in a mental hospital and tried to kill himself and sounded drugged up and until he can prove otherwise we need to have supervised visitation at either a family center or my place (legal aid said to said this so I'm still leaving contact with the children open).
he's just emailed back to say 'he's fine' and reckons he has provide my solicitor with a letter from his pyschologist and gp (lie lie), he confirmed he's going to stop the child support on hardship grounds because i've had it too good for too long... and he's going to get legal advice and knows I don't like him but can't understand why I would stoop so low..
if he gets the certificates and gives them to my solicitor (who will show them to me) then I'lll have to let him see the kids... if he doesn't we'll have to go to mediation but he's not seeing the kids till he shows prove of his condition.
07-03-2012 08:20 #19
I just sent you a link to the psychiatrist the courts ordered my ex to see- they're in Brisbane. Might be worth sending your ex off to one that the court will accept as evidence if it goes that far? The report was fairly comprehensive- the report did have some alarm bells that the court didn't take much notice of and unfortunately my legal aid solicitor didn't do a terribly good job of fighting on my behalf.
07-03-2012 08:43 #20
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