Out of your choices, I would just stop contacting her and leave the hurt and anger behind.
Like PP's said, I doubt a letter would do anything but leave you hurting more when she doesn't respond. Write it if you think it will help you move on, but burn it. Don't send it.
So don't cut her off, just let her make any contact. If she does and you want to see/talk to her, you can. If she doesn't, then let it be.
I've had a few of these one sided friendships and they are hard work. In the end, I stopped contact and making plans. Some realised and made more effort, some slipped away. But I believe that those that slipped away weren't real friends to begin with. Friends should be fun, not hard work.
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27-02-2012 06:42 #11
27-02-2012 07:06 #12has left the building
- Join Date
- Dec 2008
Out of the choices listed i would choose A
I have a similar friendship and that is pretty much what i do.
27-02-2012 08:01 #13
Maybe a combination of A and C. Friendships change over time. You once were really close, but you're obviously at different points in your life now, and this may change again in future. I'd maintain contact, but maybe less frequent and try to accept that this is how things are right now (and try not to take it personally when she doesn't respond etc). It's like pulling back emotionally a little (to help not feel annoyed by her behaviour), but still staying in touch. I have old friends I'm really close to now who have been distant at times over the years for various reasons, and I'm so glad I stuck with them. My friendships come in all sorts of shapes and sizes, and they all bring something to my life. And the old friendships (ie long term) are really precious, but take extra work and understanding at times, like all long term relationships, i guess. Of course, if you don't value her friendship any longer, and would prefer that she wasn't in your life, that's a different story. I don't get that sense from your post though.
27-02-2012 08:05 #14Senior Member
- Join Date
- Nov 2011
I'd do A. Have done that myself.
27-02-2012 08:08 #15
Have had this myself I chose a was easiest n less stressful option
27-02-2012 08:22 #16
C) I am in the same situation with a 21 year old relationship. She was there for me alot when I was a kid and things were bad. Saying that she isn't anymore.
I send the odd text now and that's about it. She to works full time just finished 6 years of uni etc. I have a dh who works away on shifts and 2 kids.
Our lives couldnt be anymore different now.
I figure that one day she will settle down and things will be different. I'm not prepared to loose the friendship because she is self absorbed. It takes no effort to txt once every 2 months.
People without children tend to have no idea. Their lives are usually so different. Trying to find something that applies to both of you at this time in life is rather hard.
It upsets and annoys me too. But I would rather this then the total end of 21 year friendship iykwim?!?
27-02-2012 12:47 #17
27-02-2012 16:31 #18Senior Member
- Join Date
- Sep 2005
27-02-2012 16:49 #19
You call that a friendship? My understanding of a friendship is give and take. I would walk away from it because it doesn't sound like you are really benefiting from having her in your life.
28-02-2012 20:15 #20
Thanks elastigirl, yes things have changed a lot, it is hard for me to get anything out of the friendship when she won't even make time to talk to me! I think others are right and I need to change my expectations of her and focus on my friends who do actually want to hang out with me!!!
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