I need help or advice on the "no dad" issue.
My ex has been my eldest son's dad for the last 4 years (DS is only 5), due to numerous reasons we have split and the children and I have now moved interstate.
DS has now started school and has awoken to the whole dad and son relationship now more than ever. Of late he has been inconsolable at times about the dad issue. He wants to know why everyone has their dad live with them, why their dads are nice to them and their mums, why they do things with them, why their dads pick them up from school and do special things with them. He sees his school friends and their dads relationships and it is quite upsetting to him. At times he becomes extremely emotional about it, other times he becomes quite angry and aggressive to me blaming me for having no dad.
Then at other times he's fine with not having his dad around as he tells me it's better him not being here for numerous reasons.
I've tried explaining things to him in a simple way as to not discriminate or cause angst between him and his dad. I've tried the let him call and speak to his dad (but all that happens then is he makes false promises and that's just in return making it worse).
Has anyone else had this issue? Does anyone have any advice? I hate seeing him so upset over this
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26-02-2012 14:08 #1Senior Member
- Join Date
- Apr 2010
Help... how do you deal with the "no dad" issue?
26-02-2012 15:10 #2
Try some books, there are a lot of books avaliable to explain to kids of all different ages why and what is happening. xox
26-02-2012 15:18 #3
Hugs. Its hard. My DS has never met FOB and most likely never will however he has a guy who he calls dad but we dont see him reguarly due to him working alot.
I noticed it has been getting to him alot now esp since starting school. They did a family tree and in it was myself, DS and dad. I am unsure as to whether he said that even though he knows daddy doesnt live with us or he was just copying to be like everyone else. The teacher aid said thats what he said though but when i asked him who was in the picture there wasnt dad but another hubber.
I agree, get some books esp ones that explain different families that are out there. I am waiting for him to ask me more about it before i go down that track yet.
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26-02-2012 15:43 #4
OP I agree that books are a good start, and if his anger gets worse it might be worth looking at counselling for him.
26-02-2012 19:12 #5Senior Member
- Join Date
- Apr 2010
Yeah my DS says and does things at school about his dad as well. For sharing it had to be about his family, and he was adamant he had to take a photo of the 5 of us with his dad in it. I wasn't sure how to take it, like he's embarrassed? or whether it's just to fit in and not feel different? iykwim
Where's some good places for the books!? are they in book stores? or easier to find online?
28-02-2012 06:30 #6
If there are no issues reg his DAD- I would direct his questions towards his Dad. Call him and tell him that DS has some questions for you. Allow your DS to hold the right person responsible.
If there are issues (as there are with mine)- I have gone the "Mum and Dad's have the most important jobs in the world. That means a lot of responsibility- some people like your Dad, get scared by all this responsibility and are not strong enough to be a Mum or a Dad".
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