I had DD at 30, and even now I think there are things I should have done before having a baby. I lived overseas, travelled extensively, got a degree, built a career, bought property, got married, lived the high life for a while... But I regret not changing my career path. It'll be much harder now with DD and I'll have to take a lot longer to get there.
So I guess age isn't really the issue, it's just about being as sure as you can be that you're ready for the challenge. If you're putting anything off, do it before babies.
Also, I had a really tough time with DD for the first few months - she was sick and screaming all the time and I developed PND. The reality of having a baby is so different to the idea of it, and it can really put pressure on your relationship. If you both have the emotional maturity to handle it I'm sure you'll be fine, but make sure you're 100% honest with yourself when making the decision.
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26-02-2012 21:47 #41
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26-02-2012 21:56 #42
Enjoy your time with your partner, see where your relationship will take off, be crazy, spend your money on yourself, sleep in, go out for drinks, catch up with friends. Enjoy *your* time because after a baby, *me* time
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26-02-2012 22:12 #43
We had jasper when I was 21 & he wasn't exactly planned
I wouldn't change anything for all the world, but I do sometimes wish I'd done more first. But then we were just treading water then, we've both since gone on to tertiary study & made huge changes in our lives we never would have without the motivation of having a small one. We're about to have baby number 2 (DUE IN 6 DAYS!!)
I guess the only thing I would say is do the maths on it, work out how you'll survive & support baby, support one parent taking time off, how much time you want to take off or if you want one of you to be a SAHP.
And be sure.
And I don't know how anyone can truly be sure... Particularly with 'make babies!!!' screaming in your head. I was clucky from when I was about 16 and had my first nanny job. I wound up working in a child care nursery to try to appease my cluckiness but it didn't hugely help.
26-02-2012 23:44 #44
I am 21 and my partner is 23 and we are currently trying for our first bub. I was like you when I was younger. I always got clucky around bubs and I have always wanted to be a young mum. Maybe because my mum had me when she was 21. I got active at a young age and I really didnt care if I fell pregnant. I actually hoped I would. But I am very happy I waited till I met my amazing partner and we have been together for nearly 5 years and we will be getting married in June. But I hope I am pregnant by then. If you feel ready then you are ready. There is never a right time to have kids until you have them.
27-02-2012 06:47 #45
I thought I met the love of of my life at 15, we would have had kids young, I was clucky but still had so much I wanted to do, travel, uni, set up a career, enjoy my teens and early 20s. I had an overseas trip with my best friends and then feel out of love with my boyfriend at about 22. It was such an immense time of growth, learning, living, being selfish, blowing money etc that I was a completely different person than 15yo me. I then knew when I meet the man of my dreams at 24 and at 29 we are expecting our first child in August. The feeling I have with this one is so different to that young first love.
I'm in no way saying that your current partner isn't the right one for you, he may well be, but I think you need those early 20s to allow yourself to flourish and find yourself in the world. If your partner is still perfect after these life changed then that is great and you have found a real gem. If you want to have kids now then do it, but make sure that you would be able to cope if your relationship did break down. Good luck, there are no wrong decisions in life - just learning experiences.
27-02-2012 08:18 #46
I am personally glad I waited 'till I was 29 to have my first bub as leading up to this I was able to enjoy being young, go to uni, living by myself to appreciate independence, travel, having nice holidays, build my career, afford a beautiful wedding, build a lovely home with my husband and become financially stable to support a child on one income, there's no way we could do that with kids. However, I do not think I would have been ready at 18 anyway considering how I have felt with my DS at age 29. This is just me personally and my journey. My younger cousin had her kids very young but she has always been a fantastic mum and very maternal, I definitely wasn't like this when I was younger. As others have said, everyone is different, but I'd certainly try to fit in life experiences first.
27-02-2012 08:19 #47
I've been clucky since I was about 14. Not just clucky but 'someone restrain me during ovulation' clucky. Now I'm 22 and my partner and I have plans to TTC later this year (although we haven't been together as long as you).
I am so SO glad I didn't get pregnant when I was younger. I'm also glad we're not waiting any longer to try to conceive though. In the time between first wanting a bub and actually planning one, I have got a university degree, done Aid Work in Africa, travelled around the USA, Europe and Africa, worked full time...and I know that while I loved all these things, I still live and breathe for my future baby.
DP and I are much more settled, we live independently, have secure employment and wonderful support networks and have had some wonderful 'couple' moments that won't be as easy to have with a baby. We're very content but also pragmatic and realise the stresses of having a baby.
On the flip side, I wouldn't want to wait any longer than I have. I also wanted to be a mum by 25 and I will be at youngest, 24, when I have #1.
However I truly believe THERE IS NEVER A PERFECT TIME TO HAVE A BABY. Something will always be 'not quite there'. If you wait for the 'right time' you could be waiting forever.
27-02-2012 09:31 #48Senior Member
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- Oct 2007
I had my DD when I was 20 and low and behold she was planned!!! I am so, so glad we started having kids young as it turns out we have fertility problems. Had we have waited longer, we probably would have had even more trouble conceiving our beautiful children.
I think if you are both ready for children then go for it. Everyone has an opinion but only you know your circumstances and if you are ready or not.
Plenty of people thought that it was a huge mistake having our daughter young but they don't have to live our lives.
People talk about travelling, finances, relationships but if it was someone who started a thread saying '30 and clucky' I highly doubt any of these issues would be discussed. My husband and I have no desire to travel overseas but even if we did why couldn't we take our children? Our relationship is solid, sure we have our moments but doesn't everyone no matter what their age? Finances - well we were financially stable when we had our DD but fast forward to just before I fell pregnant with my son and my DH was made redundant. No one could foresee that happening but it could've happened at any age. We don't have our own house (yet) because we made a choice for me to stay at home with our children, to raise them and enjoy the time before they start school. We could afford a mortgage, but we don't want the pressure of paying a mortgage on one income. We live extremely comfortably and once our children are in school we will buy a house.
As I said earlier, in the end it comes down to what you and your partner want in life. If that means having children young, there is nothing wrong with that at all. Only you know what is right for you so go with your own feelings not the opinions of other people who don't know your situation!
27-02-2012 09:49 #49Senior Member
- Join Date
- Dec 2008
My advice is to wait just a little bit longer. Even say a year or so. And live a little of your 18 year old life first. I had my kids at 19 and 23. I don't regret them but its been a hard road. I can honestly say my immaturity when I had my first caused me to make a few mistakes and although I'm not saying this would happen to you, a lot of young mums struggle with the reality of having to be so responsible all the time. The fact is after that baby is born you pretty much don't get to make any decision ever without thinking of the little person first.. Not even "I feel like having a bubble bath" or "I'm going to dinner with my friends" or "I think I'm going to study this year" because all those things take extra planning now and sometimes they become impossible. My daughter is 8 months now and I have not had more than an hour to myself. I also have a lot of mum friends and that helps with my sanity but I miss personal space and time out and believe me.. Life doesn't go as you plan.. The people you think will be there suddenly aren't there when the baby comes along. Nobody can step in and replace you when your child wants YOU and only you.. Sometimes partners disappoint with how they don't take to parenting like we do.. I sound like I'm saying life is one big disappointment and I'm not.. Its just that in my experience, kids require just so much more than you even expect.. Even when you are around kids all the time
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27-02-2012 11:43 #50
I couldn't imagine having a baby at 18 simply because I was just so young and didn't really know myself (I'm so sorry if this sounds condescending or something, it's not meant to). I didn't know that until looking back though of course. I remember thinking that I knew life, but I didn't.
I agree with the recommendation just wait a year, wait until after you travel. It was travel for me that really opened my eyes, saw what was in the big bad world (and made me fall out of love with my high school sweetheart).
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