I had my daughter at 19 after falling pregnant at 18.
I would never recommend anyone to do this, but if they were sure it's what they wanted, at least make sure...
*You can drive and have a car already.
*You have moved out of home and have been living under your own roof, with your partner and no housemates, for at least a year, so you know what life is like living away from parents, supporting yourself.
*You have at least a few thousand in savings.
*At least one of you has the kind of job that earns enough for you to both live off while the baby is still young.
*You have done all the "being young and having fun," thing already, and are kinda over it. It still happens after having a baby young, but it can be hard to organise.
Also, as others have said, make sure you are trained in SOMETHING. Something that can help you find work when your children are older. I know you'll think, "We'll be together and happy forever," but so many relationships break down, and having kids can be a real test for them... so if things DO end, you need to make sure that you can take care of yourself and your children. I have been SO LUCKY that I have been able to rely on others... so many people are not that lucky. It makes life hard when you cannot support yourself... so make sure you're qualified at something, and keep updating your skills. It doesn';t have to be uni, but I mean, do a course to work as an admin worker or something... to not do anything is foolish and throwing yourself into the wind and hoping it'll work out your way. Chances are, not everything will go smoothly and you'll need that there to back you up!
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26-02-2012 18:31 #31
26-02-2012 18:56 #32
I agree with PP in that you need to choose the right time for *you*. For me..I could not imagine having a baby when I was 18..I couldnt imagine myself with a 4-5 year old right now!! I used to get clucky back then but it was that "babies are so cute!" clucky. As soon as someones kid started screaming it turned me right off! haha
Im glad that I was able to take full advantage of being a teenager..sleeping in and wasting my money on totally selfish things, having the odd party night with my friends and staying up all night and then sleeping all day, going overseas with my best friend and having a ball!! I wouldnt have been able to do those things with a baby. I sometimes even think now that Im too young to be trying for a baby but I know the difference between that "babies are cute!" clucky and the clucky I feel now which is more a longing to have not just a baby but a little person that is half me and half DP that depends on me completely..a little person that I can nurture and teach and watch grow into their own person. Im ready for the sleepless night and the endless crying and having to devote all my time and energy to somebody else and I know that I would never have been ready for that at 18.
I just think there is a lot of things to consider before making the leap but in the end it is entirely your decision! Good luck with whatever you choose to do!
26-02-2012 19:22 #33
You seem pretty set in wanting a baby from reading all your posts. So if you and your partner are happy to try then go for it! You have been given a lot of great advice and no sugar coating in this thread. So now it's upto you and your partner.
I don't regret having DD I just wish I did more things beforehand.
Last edited by waterlily; 26-02-2012 at 19:35.
26-02-2012 19:28 #34
Everyone is different, the right time for one person is different to the next person.
For me, there was no right time. Just had to happen & did when I was 21, I'm now 24 & dont regret my trio for one minute.
26-02-2012 19:43 #35
I cant tell you no you cant have a baby at your age. No one can. But I would recommend you waited a couple of years. Even a year and then see how you feel.
We had our dd when I was 19 and my df 20. We had travelled overseas, owned brand new cars outright and built our first home. I fell pregnant on the pill. We were shocked but happy. But we were already living together and we were Ok money wise. But we worked bloody hard to get to where we were and the surprise of our dd was like a reward! We dont regret it because we felt like it was what was meant to be.
Talk it through with your partner. And go on your travels and see how you feel after. A lot can happen in a year. You might just wanna enjoy the freedom to pee without a little audience just a little bit longer
26-02-2012 19:58 #36
You sound like you have your head screwed on and realize that having a baby is a HUGE thing... If you and your partner want one go for it!! I'm 24, I had DS1 at just over 21, I have never regretted him but I am glad I didn't have a baby earlier than that. It was a big wake up call as I was still partying and being young and having fun until I got those 2 lines on a HPT. I wasn't sad I was pregnant but it was an eye opener, I had been with now DF for 2 years and we both embraced the pregnancy with open arms but our lives changed a LOT! It wasn't about us anymore and I think the hardest thing with having a baby is the no alone time and how much your relationship changes (it strengthened us in the end but at the start it was hard to have a cuddle let alone a bit of romance!)
Seriously though after your overseas trips if you are still considering it I think you will do fine (I'm only saying after coz you should enjoy your trips not pregnant cocktails by the pool etc lol) , you are financially stable, you have a partner that wants the same thing as you and you have support! if your heart is saying you want to be a mummy then do it
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26-02-2012 20:36 #37
I haven't read pp but alot of my school friends ended up having babies at 18.
But that was their choice a small handful are still with their high school sweethearts married with 3 or more kids but the majority are no longer with the first dad but repartnered or single mums.
Alot of my friends believed the guy would stick around or they tried to but it broke my heart to see how fast their additutde changed to a baby and ran. Im not saying all guys are like this since a handful of guys actually married a few of my friends and are still together but it was really an eye opener for me.
Just remember, and though I'm 25 its still dawning on me, you wont be able to just go out alone, look after just two people its a whole new responsibility and if you really want to do more with your youth a baby will ground you, but never a burden.
If it's what you want then go for it, I had the same thoughts when all these little babies popped up around me and I.was buying so much cute stuff. In the end I decided to travel first, though I never really partied I studied and made more friends really got out there and at a point lived alone in a unit with a small animal as company no boyfriend or husband.
But at 25 I do feel burnt out from working/studying fulltime and saving heaps of money I feel this is my time to start.
I still have more to explore but I rather now do it with a family.
This is my first bub when my friends are on their third. You won't miss out on having kids grow together at any stage since I can guarantee they will pregnant again when you decide you're ready.
But whatever you decide to do is up to you at any age.
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Last edited by Jay87; 26-02-2012 at 20:40.
26-02-2012 20:58 #38
I had ds when I was 19 and 3 months.
I was in a rocky relationship and it was tuff. Of course we got through it are now married and have had another child.
I LOVE being a young mum. BUT if I had my time over again (and could have my exact children) then I would have waited till about 24 I think.
I have no regrets but I do find myself wondering
I have also traveled and done all those young people things but once you have kids there is no you. The things you take for granted like sleeping in, going to the movies, staying up, hoping in the car to go for a quick drive etc are rather difficult with kids.
Take your time. You will enjoy it now or later. Just focus on you for a bit. That's my advice but if someone said this to me I wouldn't have listened anyway. Lol
I do love my life and wouldn't change it.
26-02-2012 21:14 #39Senior Member
- Join Date
- Nov 2007
I had my DS at age 22. I'm seeing some benefits now at age 28 like him being old ebnough to leave with mum so I can go away with my partner for some alone time, he now sleeps better so DP and I can have a relatively normal "young couple" time at night while he sleeps.
In saying that, I really wish I waited until about age 27 tbh. Yes, babies are cute. Very cute. But they grow up into loud, demanding, time-consuming little people. You give up your ENTIRE personal life for at least a few years. They deprive you of sleep and sanity.
I was very clucky for as long as I can remember, but IMO that didn't mean that I was emotionally ready for motherhood. Far from it. In fact, I think the fact that I wanted one without thinking it through entirely proves that I was not yet ready.
26-02-2012 21:35 #40
Everyone's journey is so different. For me, my late teens and early twenties were a really important time for me to come to understand myself, and I grew so much over that time, emotionally speaking. I can't imagine bring able to do this psychological work whilst also focusing on a child who is dependent on me.
All the best for whatever you chose to do. And have an awesome time overseas!!
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