I just turned 18 and all of my 20+yr old friends either have kids or are pregnant. With all the baby sales on at the moment and all this happening I'm getting very very clucky :/
ive been with my bf for three years now and we have talked about having kids young as that's what I've always wanted, but just wanted to see your opinions on young teenage mums and if your in the same situation or something like this?
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26-02-2012 12:50 #1
18 and clucky :/
26-02-2012 12:59 #2
I don't think there is a right or wrong age. 18 might be perfect for one person, but terrible for the next. People have different goals and different levels of maturity.
I had my first at 22, and it was the right age *for me*. I did the whole party thing in my teens/early 20's and finished a uni degree, and although I wasn't financially 'stable' as such, it was the perfect time. I wouldn't change anything.
You have to choose the right age for *you*.
Last edited by Witwicky; 26-02-2012 at 13:05.
26-02-2012 12:59 #3Junior Member
- Join Date
- Jan 2012
26-02-2012 13:01 #4
With my own experience of being pregnant at 20, child at 21 i wish i waited. I wish i travelled, studied, chose a career. I dont want to put you off having kids if the urge is strong coz if its strong it isnt going to go away.
I am 26 next month, single but have been since literally forever, currently studying and my boy started school this year.
As for the baby sales you mentioned, there are always sales on.
Good luck and there are many wonderful mums on here who had their kids young.
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26-02-2012 13:02 #5-
- Join Date
- Nov 2008
My partner and I got pregnant when I had just turned 18. It was fully planned, but we were very financially secure so the decision was easy to make based on that alone.
I'm 22 now with 2 gorgeous daughters, we had our second a few days after I turned 21.
I guess you need to look at the bigger picture. Do you want to study before you start a family? Are you in a position financially to have a baby? Do you want to travel first? It just depends on what's important to you and your boyfriend individually and as a couple.
26-02-2012 13:09 #6
26-02-2012 13:10 #7
I've already got two overseas travel adventures booked as saved for so I'm happy about that, and I've finished school and there was nothing at UNI that I wanted to study so that's over ad done with. I own my car already and my boyfriend bought a house and owns his car and everything like that so I guess you could say we are 'financially stable' . I'm just worried my friends will disown me because I chose to have a baby instead of it being planned like the stereotypical teenage pregnancies. My mum had her first young and do did my boyfriends so really there is no reason for them to be angry at us, I think :/
26-02-2012 13:12 #8
I had my first daughter when I was 18- she was a sort of planned baby, as in we werent trying to get pregnant but weren't preventing it either. All my friends had found out they were pregnant and I was clucky as all hell. I always knew I would be a young mum and to be honest it surprised everyone in my family that I wasnt already a mum by 18. I wouldnt change my daughter for anything, but i do wish we had of waited. We werent in a good position financially and most weeks could barely afford rent and food let alone all the things a baby needs. We were in a bad stage of our relationship- arguing a lot, and became very abusive. We ended up homeless when our daughter was 6 months old. I suffered severe PND and tried to take mone and my daughters life and had to revive her once. I thought I was ready to be a mum, and I thought I knew what i was in for, having siblings who had only just gone out of nappies, but nothing prepared me for the loneliness, the sleeplessness, the judgement. Nothing can ever prepare you for that. I was lucky and found a great Young Parents Program who offered amazing support and I met heaps of mums who were all going through exactly the same thing. It saved my life. But nothing took away the guilt that we hadnt given our daughter the best start in life.
We now have 2 daughters and a third baby on the way. My second and third have been completely opposite experiences to my first daughter. We are financially stable, we are secure in our relationship- its taken 4 nearly 5 years and a lot of work but we are in a good place. We can afford a house and food and the essentials and still have money to be able to play with. Im a lot more happy and confident as mother and a person because i know unlike with my first daughter, my children are no longer missing out on anything. I still feel lonely at times, all my friends are still in the party stage and none have kids of their own but thats ok. I would rather mummy cuddles and my 20 month old saying she loves me over noisy, loud, crowded clubs and pubs and hangovers anyday.
I guess at the end of the day, you and your partner have to be on the same page. Are you both ready to commit your entire life time to loving, supporting and nurturing a human being who is solely dependant on you? Do you ahve a good strong support network of family and friends to help you through the hard times and celebrate the good? Are you ready to feel completely and utterly helpless when your baby screams for days on end and you dont know why? Are you ready to give yourself to another person- physically, mentally and emotionally- more then you have ever given yourself to anyone before?
Only you and your partener can make the choice to start a family. Just remember its all well and good having friends with babies. they are the kind you can hand back at the end of the day and go on with your own life until you see them again. with your own child its completely different. You are there, 100% of the time.
ETA- both my husbands and my own parents were young when they had us- my mum was 16 when she fell pregnant and 17 when she had me, and my dad was 18. My husbands mum was 18 and his dad was 16. They know what its like and what they had to go through and they wanted better for us
Last edited by SheWarrior; 26-02-2012 at 13:20.
26-02-2012 13:17 #9
26-02-2012 13:18 #10
I know you say there is nothing at Uni you want but can I make a suggestion? Please do something, study, start building a career. Please please please do not rely financially on a man. I cannot stress this enough! This is my one regret that I didn't do anything during those younger years, even between children I could have been doing SOMETHING.
Relationships end and people die and if you're left on your own with young children, no job, no experience and no prospects it is going to be extremely hard for you. Please start working on your back up plan NOW! Whether you decide to have kids now or wait....at least be doing something to build up a way to become financial independant. No not rely financially on ANY man!
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