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  1. #1
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    Default Selective mutism?

    DD1s kindy just called to talk to me about DD not talking to them. She asked if DD talks to other adults out of the family, which she does.
    So I need to somehow help DD to feel comfortable enough to talk to her teacher, as well as classmates.

    Any suggestions?

  2. #2
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    I feel so shattered by this. I've asked the teacher and the aids how DD has been with regards to friends, and they have told me she has made some, but today the teacher said that she doesn't talk to anyone. So why tell me she has made friends?
    I talk to DD and tell her she needs to talk to her teacher etc and she says she will, when she is ready. I don't want to push her but obviously I need to do something to encourage her to talk?

    All I can imagine right now is that she has been so lonely and left out this whole time
    She loves school, she has no issues with going.

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    How is she with other kids in other social settings, eg. the park, playgroup, classes?

    My son doesn't really talk to or play with the other kids at daycare. He just plays by himself (although finally the other day, after months, he started talking about some other kids by name).

    But is behaviour is consistent with other kids; he is the same when we go to the park or anywhere. He really isn't particularly interested in kids, but is good with adults.

    I guess I'm trying to work out whether your daughter's issue is limited to the new environment of kindy or generally?

    Have you tried role playing? My partner role plays with my son. He pretends to me my son and goes to kindy, and my son will pretend to be my partner and go to work. They practise little conversations and day-to-day interactions.

    The other thing that helped is my partner specifically telling the daycare that our son has difficulty interacting with other kids and asking them to actively encourage interaction by trying to pair him up with other kids. That seemed to have some immediate positive effect.

    I imagine my son as lonely as well, but some kids just have less desire to socialise. But I think even those kids would appreciate a bit of a push to play with some other kids.

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    Hi bell and bug, I don't know what advice to give really. Perhaps she just needs longer to settle in and feel comfortable. If your cherub is happy enough I wouldn't worry too much just yet. Does she participate happily when told or asked to do activities and such? It's a positive that she has made friends. I also wonder why the teacher is worried, I know of quite a few kids that ds goes to kindy with that are quiet.

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    If I'm around she warms to others quickly, more so with adults than children. At the playground etc she won't interact with kids. She has 2 friends - Thermolicious' two sons. It took two meets before she was comfortable to talk to them and play with them. She talks about 2 girls at school, but as I found out today she doesn't even talk to them either.
    She apparently gets involved in the activities as long as no one talks to her.

    DF has been saying for a while now that there is something about her, that she isn't "normal"..maybe he is right?

  6. #6
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    I agree with kimberlygal - I know of lots of kids that are quiet.

    Is it her first year of kinder? It's only been back a few weeks, maybe she just needs time to settle in a bit more?

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    Blessedwith3boys  (24-02-2012)

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    That's what I think, that she just needs time.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Bell & Bug View Post
    If I'm around she warms to others quickly, more so with adults than children. At the playground etc she won't interact with kids. She has 2 friends - Thermolicious' two sons. It took two meets before she was comfortable to talk to them and play with them. She talks about 2 girls at school, but as I found out today she doesn't even talk to them either.
    She apparently gets involved in the activities as long as no one talks to her.

    DF has been saying for a while now that there is something about her, that she isn't "normal"..maybe he is right?
    What's normal, I guess?

    My son is certaintly different socially from other kids, but he's only 3.5 and I don't think it means he has a condition that can be diagnosed. His temperment is just not social.

    I would keep talking to the teachers, and give it time. Maybe try and make some other little friends for her outside of kindy so she can practise socialising. That is another one of my aims with my son before he goes to school in 2014.

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    My dh was a real chatterbox at home, my poor MIL had him constantly talking at home. His language was quite advanced too - he talked like an adult at age 2 (didn't understand what she meant til my ds did the same!). Then, he went to Kinder and at some point his Mum was asked to come in & meet with the teacher. They said "It's about his talking" and my MIL said "Yeah, it's hard to stop him talking isn't it?" and apparently the teacher looked bewildered. My dh barely spoke at Kinder! He just didn't want to. He did eventually and did very well at school. He is gifted intellectually and is now in a job that involves organising events for 200 - 500+ people and he's an up the front person.

    Being shy doesn't mean there's something wrong with your child. Especially early in the year at Kinder.

    Our ds wasn't a big talker at Kinder last year. He was quite overwhelmed by the whole group thing. Once he warms up to people he is very talkative, but not in a big group. It's the reason he had a 2nd year of Kinder (he was very young - almost the youngest in his class). He's now just 5 and in his 2nd year of "4yo" kinder (Victoria) and much more talkative. It does improve with age, really it does. I would not be concerned at all. In fact the more you put pressure on your dd to talk, the more likely she won't.

  12. #10
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    I picked DD up today and she ran out the classroom to tell me she spoke to her friends! So I stayed back to see if that was true (we had said to DD if she does then she can get a reward) and the teacher told me that a kid ran in to tell her that DD had spoken to them, and also that she saw DD take part in a verbal activity the teacher does with the children, so small effort there?
    Then DD, myself and her teacher all spoke about what we have planned tonight. DD only gave one word responses, but it's a start!!

    I'm not comfortable about the label the teacher used. DD hasn't been there long enough, she is still shy and getting comfortable, I'd have thought the teacher would understand that? Perhaps she didn't mean to label my DD.


 

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