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  1. #1
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    Unhappy Can't believe this is me

    Im undercover & know these threads have been done before I'm just a little shocked I'm the one asking this question. What would you do if you discovered your DH was registered & had been using a dating/live cam site & a swingers site??

    Everything is so muddled in my head I can't be bothered to go right into our whole relationship but I found this out yesterday, he's admitted to chatting to women (very very sexually) online & he's also joined a group on the swingers site that is local to our area (haven't asked him about this yet)!?!!

    He swears he has never been with anyone else & never would act on it but the chatting (& I've seen the extremely provocative messages both to & from him) makes me feel like I've been cheated on. He's worked FIFO for the last 4years so as you can imagine my mind is racing with what-ifs

    I don't want to turn is into a debate about porn etc but I will say I am totally ok with him/us watching porn but to me, this has crossed the line?

    Would you ask him to leave? I don't know what to do? I don't want people in my life to know this because I'm humiliated & almost feel sorry for him if people were to find out

  2. #2
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    Firstly

    My DH works FIFO and I understand your worry with him being away and not having you there and what he might of gotten up to.

    I am guessing he will be going back to work soon so you could tell him to go somewhere until he gets back next time if you need some space. But I dont think you should kick him out for good. YET.

    I think you need to get all your questions answered and make a choice from there.

    I suggest counciling for him and for you both.

    Goodluck

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    Emma3 (21-02-2012)

  4. #3
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    Firstly massive hugs.

    People react in different ways so I really can't tell you what to do.

    However of it was me I would want to know why? I would want to hear the full explanation before making any decisions.
    If everything else was good in the relationship I would see if this can be worked out. But that would also depend on what he would tell me.

    Maybe if you don't want to be around him he could leave for a few days.

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    Emma3 (21-02-2012)

  6. #4
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    GBHs!!!

    To be honest, i would presume there is an underlying problem in the relationship for him to seek/participate in such things. I would want to get to the bottom of the underlying issue, before making any decisions on the future of the relationship.

    Sent from my GT-I9100T using BubHub

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    Emma3 (21-02-2012)

  8. #5
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    Sorry this is happening to you, for me he would be gone IMO that is cheating and I would be so mad and he would be gone. To me there is no excuse for my husband to be talking sexually to anyone but me. I am very firm on this and he knows it, we made an agreement that if either of us is feeling neglected or no longer in love we would let the other know.

    Hope you get through this ok.

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    delirium (21-02-2012),Emma3 (21-02-2012),laurea (21-02-2012),Luna Lovegood (21-02-2012)

  10. #6
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    Thank you for the replies, im the first to admit we're in a bit of a rut but the thought of doing what he has done has never even entered my mind. Like all relationships we have ups & downs & we're just on a 'down' at the moment (or so I thought) & presumed we'd just go 'up' again soon if that makes sense. but I see now he's been registered on these sites for about 18months

    I've organized counseling for us for next week. I think I'm going to ask him to tell me absolutely everything I should know & that if I find out he hasn't told me the truth our relationship will not be irreparable. I'm just really struggling with the fact a few of the women are from areas he worked away at & our local area.

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    laurea (21-02-2012)

  12. #7
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    Follow your gut x
    I'm so sorry you've got to deal with a situation like this x

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  14. #8
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    Yeah i don't know.It's easy to say it was only talk. But he has clearly gone out of his way to seek sexual fullfillment elsewhere. And you know the kind of things he has been saying (i can imagine). I think it would be nieve to assume that acting any of this out didn't at least cross his mind.

    I know you might not want to kick him out or whatever. But PLEASE don't minimize your feelings about this or make this about something you are not doing! Like you deserved this somehow because he's not being fullfilled. Don't buy into that BS please. You have a right to feel whatever it is that you feel. Your DH is on the back foot just remember that. If he has done something he will be sh*tting himself right about now and will say anything to get out of it.

    In any case he is responsible for his actions not you.

    I garuntee he wouldn't be happy if the shoe was on the other foot i know that much.. or maybe he's keen to try swinging, who knows?

    The only important thing now is how you feel about it. And no one here can decide for you if what he is done is ok or not. But from the sounds of your post i'm guessing this is NOT ok with you. (Nor should it be!!).

    If you suspect he has physically cheated i would get tested for stds asap- seriously.

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  16. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by Emma3 View Post
    Thank you for the replies, im the first to admit we're in a bit of a rut but the thought of doing what he has done has never even entered my mind. Like all relationships we have ups & downs & we're just on a 'down' at the moment (or so I thought) & presumed we'd just go 'up' again soon if that makes sense. but I see now he's been registered on these sites for about 18months

    I've organized counseling for us for next week. I think I'm going to ask him to tell me absolutely everything I should know & that if I find out he hasn't told me the truth our relationship will not be irreparable. I'm just really struggling with the fact a few of the women are from areas he worked away at & our local area.
    Before you ask him anything go to counseling, make sure you are prepared to deal with the answers they may haunt you for a long time and it could be hard to move on with the stuff he tells you. Like could you handle if he told you he had virtual sex with someone on web cam stuff like that just be prepared because you dont want to hurt yourself anymore.

    ETA: a rut is no excuse this is NOT your fault what he did is not right so dont beat yourself up over it.

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  18. #10
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    One other thing..

    Re the counselling. I suppose it could help but only if you think that you can overcome what he has done and are prepared to trust him again after all of this.

    Sure counselling could help but what could he say that would make his betrayal ok for you?

    I understand needing answers but at the end of the day does it make what he's done any better?

    Men and women aren't so different you know. I suppose it might help to think of what mind set you yourself would have to be in to be able to do what he has done. Do you think that you could love and respect your DH and then go on dating, swingersd websites and talk sexually with other men?


 

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