My DD was only 18 months old when my DS was born, so no, I wasn't exactly the perfect mum! The first 4-5 months were HARD and my DD missed out on a lot of my attention, especially in the early days. Thankfully I lived with my in laws and we had the whole "village support" thing going on, so she had her Dad, Grandparents, Aunts, Uncle and Cousins making up for it. Now that DS is 7 months old, I feel like I'm getting back to becoming a good parent. I have plenty of time to do one on one with DD when DS sleeps, we can do activities together, and DS is starting to play with my DD which is really cute and means I can get some stuff done around the house too.
It's been such a learning curve and a massive test for me though. I definitely wont be going for a third, that's for sure!!!
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19-02-2012 09:15 #11
19-02-2012 09:16 #12
I completely and utterly doted on DS1 and indulged his every need. He had my full attention all the time and I treated bringing him up like the future of the human race depended upon it. DS2 was born when DS1 was 2 years 1 month old. I had been so worried that DS1 would struggle/suffer when he didn't have my undivided attention anymore...but I think it has ultimately been wonderful for him. He has become more independant and less clingy. He doesn't seem bothered in the least about sharing me. I think it has been great for him to learn that I am not there to jump in to his assistance at the exact moment he requests my help anymore. He has learnt to wait or to attempt to do things himself.
19-02-2012 09:20 #13
Our two are just over 23 months apart. Our DS(first born) has always been so easy going, still is. DD on the other hand can be a lot different to her brother. I have time for them both. It's a big juggling act, especially when baby isn't mobile yet. But they're better at amusing themselves when they are, so you can tend to the older sibling. Or they can join in! They're really close, and spend most of their time together. I don't smack, rarely yell, and make time to listen to them and empathise. But I do have bad days.
So far so good for us, and DD is 10 months old. DS is just over two and a half
19-02-2012 09:43 #14
I think a lot of it comes down to organisational skills. You say that you clean, bake, take your DS on outings etc...there's nothing to suggest you can't do all of that with 2 children, it might just have to be put on hold for that first month or two.
I'm about to have Babe #4, my children are 5.5yo, 4yo, 2yo and soon a newbie in the mix. I think i'm a pretty good Mum. I try to reason things out with my children if there's conflict, I try hard not to yell, the house is for the most part always clean (there's toy clutter that's strewn about sometimes though), I still love baking, I just have helpers these days and we're often out and about with trips to the park, beach, bush walking, visiting a cafe etc it just means I need to be super organised. I have a bit of a production line going on to get ready before we head out anywhere
There are absolutely moments in those first few weeks/months of a newbie arriving where things have changed and haven't been as organised/fun and my patience has been tested with the other children and i've become frazzled, but ultimately, that period doesn't last long, and the children don't seem to mind in the grand scheme of things. Don't feel too bad or guilty if you have another baby and your DS is asked to wait or told no you can't do something that you would normally be able to do, there's nothing wrong with children learning to be patient, tolerant and understanding that sometimes they need to wait.
You may find that you're not as cool, calm and collected when you have two children, and that's okay too! We all have times when we're not the cool cucumber we normally are, but it doesn't make as any less of a good parent
19-02-2012 09:57 #15has left the building
- Join Date
- Dec 2008
Having 2 is an adjustment and it took me a little while to get into the rhythm of dealing with 2 at the same time but i've gotten used to it.
At first it was hard organising everybody - i felt very overwhelmed doing things like leaving the house etc but now it's not really a big deal. I need to be more organised and it's more work but it's not too hard.
My DH is rarely here (works away for months at a time) and that is when it is hardest for me but i survive.
I enjoy having 2 children though
19-02-2012 10:32 #16
I agree with the others - it does become a juggling act. Especially when both kids need you at the same time. My worst time of day is dinner/bath/bed time and I've just had to accept on many nights that 8pm is the new 7pm!
We spent time getting dd1 to understand that "mummy is busy", "mummy can't pick you up right now", "if you need a cuddle, cuddle mummy's leg" etc in the last couple of months of my pregnancy. So then when dd2 came along, we were just repeating those familiar phrases & I didn't have to say "no, I'm holding/feeding the baby".
I've found that the jealousy has increased now that dd2 is older (6-7 months) as I'm now nursing plus doing solids and she seems to take up more of my time. Dd1 just seems to get whingy/clingy when I tend to dd2. But they are cute together too! Dd1 lives giving kisses and cuddles and will make sure dd2 always has a toy to play with.
But....I'm not so sure about having a third....or if we do, what age gap.
19-02-2012 12:21 #17
If I asked my ds whether he would prefer to be an only child or have a baby sister, it's a simple answer - he would choose his baby sister any day! He just ADORES her and the feeling is mutual. Sure, he has to wait for me a lot more than before and bedtimes can be a bit tricky (especially when dh is away), but we're getting into a routine. Bathtimes are even more fun for both kiddies, story time is for both of them and my ds thinks building trains around my dd on the floor is the best fun!
I've found #2 difficult, but mostly cause my ds was nearly 5 when she arrived and I had to readjust to things like using a pram for shopping, adjusting my life around baby naps, fitting in lots of BF's a day (irrespective of my ds this is still tricky when you're out of the habit). But, now at nearly 5 months after my dd arrived we're in a pretty good routine and having my ds at kinder every week day is good.
19-02-2012 12:55 #18
I had a 3.5 year gap between my boys and I am happy with that gap (even though it's bigger than we planned). DS2 is a colicky bub who often won't sleep without being held during the day so some days are a real juggling act and I do miss how easy it was with just one... But I also adore DS2 and couldn't imagine life without me. DS1 loves him to bits and is constantly asking me to go make more babies. Bub is only three months old right now and I know things will get easier as he gets older.
In short - is it harder? Yes. Is the house messier? Yes. Would I change it? Not for anything (I do miss sleep though!)
19-02-2012 13:44 #19
Mine have a 13 month gap.
Life is definitely easier with one, but for us it's more complete and happier with two.
DD (my second) as a newborn wasn't rocked as much, or held all day, she had to nap when she could and was left to amuse herself a lot more.
She's now feisty and can be demanding and bosses her big brother around a lot.
I still make sure I have one on one time with each of them when I can and love them both equally in very different ways.
I can only think of two occasions where both have had a meltdown at the same time. I took care of DS first, settled him in another room and then tended to DD.
It just works usually.
19-02-2012 13:53 #20Senior Member
- Join Date
- Oct 2010
There is a 27 month gap between my two boys. It broke my heart to have to say no to DS1 during late pregnancy and newborn stage of DS2's life. DS1 was used to being the centre if the universe so I think it was pretty hard on him, made harder by our complete lack of 'village'.
Having said that, it is awesome having two kids, much better than one! They love each other so much, and get so much from each other! Yes it is even busier, but it will settle a bit in a few years
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