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05-03-2012 15:31 #41Senior Member
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- Feb 2012
05-03-2012 15:43 #42
I think sometimes people just brag because they're happy - not because they want to make you feel bad.
I think a mother at school might have thought I was being a competitive parent this afternoon, but I wasn't. She noticed DD's student council badge, and commented that I must be feeling proud. I said that I was... that it meant that DD wasn't as socially lacking as I had worried, because she had, pretty much, won a popularity contest. I also added that I'd worried socially about her, not academically cos I knew she was doing well there... blah blah...
It probably came across as bragging, but I was just saying I was happy to realise that obviously, she has kids who like her so can't be doing as badly as I feared...
Then the other mothr mentioned that her child was needing an English tutor (grade 1) because she's having troubles with reading, etc...
I didn't want her to think I was talking DD up and talking her DD down... if that makes sense.
Anyway, I think SOME parents out there say these things simply to talk themselves up, but I think a lot just say things and don't even realise they might be considered bragging in a negative way.
05-03-2012 15:53 #43Senior Member
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- Oct 2009
SassyMummy - I agree. I think that sometimes as a parent you can't win. My DD was ahead on all the developmental stuff, and I felt (and still feel) like I can't tell people when she's doing stuff or talk about when she did it, as I'm scared they'll think I'm competitive/ bragging.
I think all parents are proud of their kids and excited when they do stuff. I also think it's a bit sad if parents have to play down their kids' achievements in some kind of false modesty.
I understand there are some parents who do put others down, but I think that most who 'brag' about their kids are just excited and proud - not comparing.
I wish we could all just celebrate what our kids are doing, without feeling like others are judging what we say.
I think there is definitely an element of 'inverse competitiveness' too, where parents whose kids HAVEN'T achieved certain milestones feel that those whose kids have are bragging/ comparing when they are the only ones doing the comparisons - if that makes sense? Not saying people in this thread are doing that, just that I think it exists on both sides of the fence.
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05-03-2012 15:54 #44
doesnt really bother me tbh, i stopped trying to compare my kids to others a long long time ago. and if it brings someone so much joy that their kid did something a month earlier than most babies then whats the harm?
if its done spitefully after someone states what their child isn't doing in a concerned manner. then those people can go jump.
04-03-2013 15:00 #45Junior Member
- Join Date
- Sep 2012
I have a 19 yr old and a 16 yr old, and honestly I can say- REALLY? I also have a 9mth old. I think the majority of people are just excited and want to share their little joys - believe me as they grow and face challenges life becomes a lot more complicated, and who walked first really doesn't add up to much. It's such a momentary thing. Enjoy your littlies for the unique individuals they are, don't start them off on a track of trying to measure up/looking down at others, that's more about you as a parent than anything your bub is achieving at a given time.
Yes, I sound annoying, that's probably why I steer clear of mums group and playgroup , even though I enjoyed it all first time around, I suppose it depends who is in your group.
04-03-2013 15:17 #46
I don't think it's bragging or competitive at all.
A parent who's child rolls at 2 months, crawls at 4 months, stands at 6 months and walks at 9 months has just as much right to be excited about it without being accused of bragging or being competitive (or even lying )
04-03-2013 15:35 #47
I've never experienced this from Playgroup mums, DS has hit all milestones a bit later except his teeth but not once felt others were bragging. In my group they really were just talking about what their bub's were going through at the time.
At work I have felt judgement of DS though...innocent questions like "isn't he crawling yet?" then as soon as he did I'd get "is he walking yet?"
I've learnt that people just automatically jump to the next milestone as soon as they reach them.
I have learnt not to be as sensitive and to just enjoy each stage he is in for as long as he is in it.
I am sure one day they will be asking what year 12 scores he got and then it will be University/Apprenticeship /Job offer comparisons....
04-03-2013 15:53 #48
Ancient thread alert lol
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04-03-2013 16:09 #49
I know this is an old thread but still going to add my thoughts...
My DS1 crawled at 4 months and was walking at 7 months. I constantly get called a liar, that I am bragging etc - I'm not! I thought it was normal. He was my first kid, I was 22 and Had never spent much time with kids at all until having a baby, so when he started crawling, I was just excited he was doing something new. I experienced the jealous insecure mothers who accused me of lying, exaggerating, trying to make them feel bad etc! I honestly had no idea it was so early for him to be doing things!
And let me tell you, having a 9 month old who was climbing things and could get on the dining room table if we left a chair nearby was no fun - neither was having my 13 month old climb out of his cot and fall face first so we had to put him in a toddler bed.
04-03-2013 16:12 #50
I can't stand the competitiveness of some mums! I totally avoided mother's group for this reason. A girl I went to school with turned into a complete monster when her DD was born. My friend and I used to joke "Oh is ***** driving a car yet? Flying a plane yet?" She was awful and blatantly compared our children to hers. Needless to say we kept our distance from her.
FWIW by the time they get to school we don't line them up and question them about what age they started walking or cut their first tooth. They are all SO different and comparing is pointless and stressful.
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