I just got off the phone to Heidi's teacher and I don't feel like I am in the wrong but I wonder if I am....so here's the full story....Last week Ivy (my oldest) told Heidi (a year younger) who she had a crush on and to keep it a secret. Heidi told 2 of her friends who then told a few other people (well you know how it goes) anyway they all started teasing Ivy about it so Ivy told her teacher who then went and told Heidi's teacher because it was the children in her class doing the teasing. So the teacher dealt with it....by banning Heidi from having anything to do with her sister at school and from going anywhere near where Ivy is. Now Heidi and all of her friends play basketball at lunch, Ivy and her friends sit under a shady tree by the basketball courts and talk. So all week Heidi has been unable to play basketball and because that's what all of her friends do Heidi has been sitting on her own at break times coloring in. Yesterday I went and spoke to Heidi's teacher (who btw is a complete *****!) and told her that the issue was dealt with at home and while I understand that the school also needs to deal with it I don't understand why Heidi was the only one punished especially since she didn't do any teasing and I also feel that the punishment given has created a bigger issue being that Heidi now has to spend break times on her own and she already has enough trouble making friends and has confidence issues. So the teacher said she understood and would talk to the children and Heidi would no longer be banned....So yesterday she went into Ivy's class and yelled at her infront of the whole class, told Ivy she is to have NOTHING to do with her sister and Ivy is banned from the basketball courts and the oval as that is right next to the basketball courts. Now firstly Ivy didn't do anything wrong, secondly Ivy is now no longer able to spend break time with her friends because the oval is where the older children have to spend their break times and Ivy is not allowed on the oval or near the basketball courts, thirdly no one can ban my children from having anything to do with each other as they are sisters and finally how dare she yell at my daughter the way she did (and it was not only Ivy who told me about it other children in her class also told me.) SO anyway I told Ivy that this teacher can't make her have nothing to do with her sister and that she has my permission to go onto the oval and near the basketball courts with her friends and that if she gets told off to get the teacher or principal to call me. So Heidi's teacher calls me and I explain the points I listed above exactly how I have listed them, I also tell her how my daughter who has always loved school and looked forward to going to school each day came home crying yesterday saying she NEVER wanted to go to school again and I warned her that if she EVER talks to one of my children like that again I will be reporting her to the department of education. Was I wrong?
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17-02-2012 14:46 #1
Was I wrong be honest
17-02-2012 15:02 #2-
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heck no!! that teacher sounds like a complete bish! you had every right as a mother to say that to her teacher. they are not allowed to yell at kids like that.... and in front of the class. ivy and heidi didnt do anything wrong. the other kids should have gotten into trouble for teasing ivy (hope i got that right)
sooo soo wrong of the teacher. big hugs to you and the kiddies. poor things
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17-02-2012 15:11 #3Senior Member
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I can't tell you how angry I felt reading your post. If some idiot did that to my child, I would be absolutely LIVID. And these are the role models who are teaching your kids...what on earth was she thinking?! At what point did she think that her ridiculous response would teach either of your kids anything worthwhile? Surely kids need to be nurtured, guided and disciplined with a firm, but thoughtful hand, not off the cuff, poorly thought out, punitive discipline.
Sorry, a small rant, but I feel really strongly about this. Teachers just play such an important role and if someone doesn't have the committment or the intelligence to take this responsibility seriously, they shouldn't be teachers.
So did you do the wrong thing? No, I think it's your role to protect your kids, and you needed to weigh in strongly so this doesn't happen again to your kids or anyone else's.
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17-02-2012 15:15 #4
children need to learn how to deal with each other not to be just physically separated. i think the teacher needs to stick to teaching & let the mum do the parenting.
17-02-2012 15:21 #5
While I appreciate the teacher seems to have handled it badly Ihave to ask.
If they weren't sister's and it was a random child teasing your child would you still feel like that random child had been dealt with harshly?
I tend to think that there should only be one punishment and punishER for a 'crime'. So intially it was a school matter as they had told the teacher first. In that instant I woud say to let the school deal with it and dish out the punishment and leave it alone at home if that makes sense?
The teacher DOES sound like she went overboard and handled it poorly though. Are you absolutely certain that that's how it happened? That the girls haven't embellished their story a little? I just think we need to be careful when dealing with this stuff- unless there is direct communication between the adults and the story is clear, it's hard to tell what happened and how.
17-02-2012 15:22 #6
I think the teachers over reacted with their punishments for your girls and can't believe it's only your girls that are being punished. Why weren't the kids teasing Ivy punished?? And why did Ivy get yelled at, in class like that when she had done nothing wrong!! Bad bad teacher.
So no. I don't think you were wrong. I would have done the same. Humiliating Ivy like that in front of her class is just wrong on so many levels and not how schools should deal with ANY punishments. Let alone for a kid that did nothing wrong but confide in her sister.
17-02-2012 15:30 #7
Its teachers like these who's power has gone to their head! They are usually the ones that want to be principal and cant so they take it on themselves to be the judge, jury and executioner, whether they are right or wrong. Or even worse actually become principal!
It reminds me of a school assembly where the deputy was giving a lecture on morals and what they were by making particular kids stand up and admit to a minor/unimportant incident in front of the entire school and all their parents. They would have been humiliated. She then said to the school when they stood up, see these kids have moral by admitting what they did was wrong. If they didnt stand up they were going to be pointed out anyway. I wanted to scream to the deputy 'where are yur morals? humiliating kids on such a minor issue". If my DD was one of them I would have. I almost did anyway.
In a nutshell, based on what you said, no you were not wrong. Some teachers need to be put in their place. maybe if it happens again confront her quite loudly in front of the class and parents. Tell her that her behaviour is representative of a bully and that is not role model behaviour. Give her a taste of her own medicine. Kids dont need that kind of humiliation especially from a teacher. She is only teaching the kids to be bullies.
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17-02-2012 15:30 #8
Good grief! You are in no wrong at all, if for anything it's for not reporting it on them! They are lucky you gave them a warning.
How they handled the situation is awful. I would have thought the practical thing for the teachers to do would be to talk to Heidi & her friends & any other girls involved about the teasing & sharing others secrets (I know Heidi didn't do the teasing but just to be broad & use the situation to explain to all the young girls how stories can turn to teasing etc IFYKWIM). & that would be that. Move on from it. You needed the teachers help with the other children as you aren't their parents but it's totally inappropriate of the teachers to get between your daughters.
Hope these teachers never do this to you again!
17-02-2012 15:34 #9
No, I don't think you did the wrong thing. But I would report the situation anyway. A situation like this is difficult for a child to embellish, particularly so when you've already had part of the story backed up by actually speaking to the teacher. But situations like this are best monitored when they've been committed to paper so the issue doesn't become convoluted.
From what you have written, I feel there's something radically wrong with the teacher concerned. Perhaps she's been affected by stress, burn out, whatever but I feel there's something definitely amiss there.
The *only* thing I would say (and this isn't a criticism) is not to leave discipline decisions in the hand of the child. Rather than tell a child to call you if your instructions aren't carried out, I think it's always best to make your intentions/wishes clear to the school rather than issuing threats over the phone lest the child be accused of causing trouble/embellishment etc or made a target. That way, everyone is dead clear on what is to happen and the child can get on with her childhood.
Oh I just want to hug Heidi. What an awful experience it must've been for her.
17-02-2012 16:03 #10
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