GRR! I feel like tearing my hair out! I've been a single mum for a year now and DS is 2.5 and for the past 3 months has turned into a little terror! Everything is a struggle. To get him to brush his teeth, eat food that's not junk, getting him to have a nap, getting him to go to bed and stay in bed. I know it sounds trivial but I'm at my whits end. I just feel like I must be doing something wrong here because he is just walking all over me. I'm just so overwhelmed right now and exhausted I just want to cry
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16-02-2012 20:10 #1
Why must everything be such a struggle! *vent*
17-02-2012 06:36 #2
I'm not sure if it ever gets "easy" so I'm not about to start on the "just wait til he's 3" talk.
All kids are different but a bit of insight to my DS.
He hasn't yet ever conceded to starving himself- if he didn't want what I put in front of him than there wouldn't be other options. Eventually- he'll eat what's there.
Bed time- well, unfortunately you can't force them to sleep. DS wont sleep during the day unless we've done something physical, even if it's just a walk around the block. I don't enforce sleep during the day, I enforce "rest time" which is an hour of laying in bed reading a book if he wants to. Usually he falls asleep as well.
When I was having issues with DS getting out of his bed at night time, I would sit just outside his door so he could only see my back, with a good book. I would ignore screaming, yelling, attempts at conversation were met with a very monotone 'It's bed time, go to sleep'. No more, no less. If he got up out of bed, I would calmly pick him up under his arms (not bringing him up to my chest because than he would cling on to around my neck) and place him back in bed- not bothering about blankets.
Once he had finially difted off to sleep, I'd go in, give him a kiss, tell him I loved him and put the blankets over him.
I kept this going for no more than a week, and he was fine after that. Not a problem.
At the end of the day- have a glass of wine, eat some chocolate and big big
17-02-2012 07:15 #3
Firstly *hugs* to you! Being a parent is THE hardest job and you are doing it alone, I commend you. You are raising your child single-handedly, providing a roof over his head and food for him to eat and everlasting love. Unfortunately, not everyone is that lucky. And one day when he is old enough to realise, you will be the most amazing person in his life
The terrible two's sound like they've definitely come into play though. The best advice I can give you is try to stay calm, ignore any silly attention seeking behavior (that doesn't pose a threat to themselves) and be firm and consistent with your consequences.
I personally favour the taking something away method. Wether it be their favourite toy or the chance for a yummy dessert, take it away if they are not behaving well and you have warned them of the consequence a couple of times already. Yes they will kick and scream but after a while give them a chance to earn the privelige back with good behavior.
Sometimes I also find that on extra ratty days my ds just needs a little change from his normal routine (if time permits). Maybe. Visit to a friends house, library, cafe, play centre, park, shops... whatever. Children usually respond well to a bit of break out of their day, just like us!
Hope this helps a little. You're doing a great job
*in a world full of hate, they'll know only love* <3
17-02-2012 07:20 #4
You need to recharge your batteries somehow.
Is there any time you can just do nothing? Have a bath etc?
But on a practical front there is some really good advice in pp. I sometimes feed ds in front of the tv etc so he's distracted and eats more lol.
For bedtime we read books then i turn off the light and wait for him to go to sleep. Sometimes up to 10 mins crying, but most of the time less than 1 min of crying. If he's hysterical i just bite the bullet and stay in there with him though
*sent from my adiction... my phone*
17-02-2012 08:02 #5
Coming up to 9 years as a single parent, and I think life was easiest between 3.5 and 6, then got tough again.
17-02-2012 08:07 #6
My DS5 was and still is exactly the same makes me want to pull my hair out cause I know DD14 months is watching and may copy I've learnt u have to pick your battles and find your child's currency for my DS it's his Fav toys or DVDs he also hates going to his room ,I've smacked him it did nothing I've yelled he ignored me. I take away his bike or DVD player he bawls n knows he won't get it back until he's been good. No matter how much they push u try as hard as u can to keep in controll n don't let child dictate things that's when it gets messy my DS argued with me until 10:40 last night to go to bed I just had to keep taking him back to bed as exhausted and frustrated as I was.
Try PPP (positive parenting program) I found it gave me some useful stratagies on how to deal with his behavior though they don't all work due to his behavioral problems ADHD & ODD but it def helped
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17-02-2012 18:39 #7-
- Join Date
- Feb 2010
Ds is 20 months and is the exact same
He wont day nap mostly and so spends half his time FERAL and winging,
Then he wont go to bed either lol
I pick my battles wisely, I serve dinner he can eat it or he can go hungry til just before bed time when I make him a sandwhich.
I've resorted to putting a childgate on the bedroom door as ds isnt in a cot anymore,
I leave him in the bedroom (not crying, just chilling) and do what I have to,
If he needs me and calls me I come and give him a cuddle etc then I leave again (its frustrating but I wont leave him to cry)
Sometimes all I can think is omg all I want is for just a few hours unbroken sleep and a bit of "me" time to just chill
if I am having a bad day then ds will watch t.v, I never wanted him watching t.v and he didnt watch it regularly til he was like 14 months old.
I've realised that I just have to pick my battles wisely and let the rest go
18-02-2012 09:46 #8
it all is though totally exhausted.. my other kids are 4 and 7.. and my 4 year old is a pain sometimes esp about food 'I want a banana!' then 10 sec later 'I don't want it!!' I flipped just the other day and had a 2 year old style tantrum in the kitchen banging a plastic plate shouting 'I don't want to do this any more!!!!!!!' it was terrible and really bad of my but I had just reached my limit... oddly when I calmed down I said to her 'it's a banana or nothing' she said she wanted the banana and ate the whole thing!! haha so it worked weirdly.. but I just had a *snap* moment.. I think that's normal in our situation.. it's very taxing... go easy on yourself.
19-02-2012 08:17 #9
Hi all! Thanks for all your replies and support! DS had a sleep over at his grandparents last night & I feel so recharged! I can think straight now! Re-reading my OP made me realise how at breaking point I was. Ahhh!
I probably should add that when it is his bedtime, I give him a bath (which he loves) and brush his teeth-sometimes he likes, most of the time doesn't, & he gets two stories of his choice when he goes to bed. He is better with it now than he was a little while ago, only comes downstairs to me about 2-3 times now as opposed to at least 8 before he finally falls asleep.
I have learnt to pick my battles with him some days, otherwise it just gets us nowhere. He is incredibly stubborn when it comes to being told what to do by anyone.
Dinner is probably the biggest issue between us right now. He eats meat, like chicken, fish, lamb/beef & sausages. Loves his fruit, dairy-milk, yoghurt, cheese etc, loves carbs like bread & pasta, not so much rice though. I really need to be firm with him with eating vegetables again, but I don't know what is the best approach? Right now he isn't eating any vegetables at all. I feel like such a bad mum saying this but I don't know what I can do to get him to start eating them again, I don't know what clicked in his head making him decide that he didn't like them anymore?
I always serve him vegetables with meat most nights unless we have pasta. I don't give him much meat because I don't want him to fill up on it. But he just flat out refuses to touch any vegetable on his plate. Even mash potato. I can be sitting with him from 6pm(dinner time) till 8 at least and he won't even take a bite. What can I do about it? what would you do in my situation? It annoys me and worries me to no end because apparently he eats carrots and potato and broccoli for his dad.
19-02-2012 11:03 #10
Lots of hugs. Great you had a child free night. We all need them.
I've got a 3yr old & he is usually pretty good but he is shocked with veggies. He will eat some salads but not all.
Things I have tried are:
- Mashed & grated veggies in spag Bol rissoles & meatloaf.
Give him the veggies raw (ones that u can) as salad
Used all diff types of sauces - satay, honey, gravy etc
Cut in diff shapes
Give thick cut chips & oven bake. Have done chip style cut with other veggies eg sweet potato, pumpkin, carrot but he didn't really take to them.
I also don't give him veggies every night. Just like me, he gets bored of them.
He doesn't like rice, tried many times.
Also have hard time showing him that pasta spirals, shells are same as spaghetti :/
Just keep trying diff ways & if u find what works don't it all the time cause he'll get bored of it.
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