ADVERTISEMENT

+ Reply to Thread
Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 24
  1. #1
    Buttoneska's Avatar
    Buttoneska is offline Winner 2010- Most Community Minded Thread Award
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Posts
    5,675
    Thanks
    2,066
    Thanked
    1,983
    Reviews
    3
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts

    Default Having serious doubts about wanting kids...

    So not sure if BH is the best place for this since most fo you have kids, but then again maybe that makes it the perfect place.

    I am really having doubts about wanting kids - we have been TTC for about 18mths and during that time I have gone from crazy obsessed to dejected to keen and now I am seriously thinking I don't want kids.

    To the point that the last two months I have not DTD anywhere near O time because murphies law says I will probably get knocked up.

    I just not sure if I want kids; I kinda feel like I would have to stop my life for 20yrs to raise them. I know they give you lots of love as well as hard work etc, but I am just not sure.

    There are lots of things I am thinking I really want to do with my life and having kids makes me feel like I need to give that up.

    This is a really different thought process I had a couple of months ago - I think I was so 'conditioned' to think that you grow up, get married, have kids that I hadn't really thought of anything else. I have never been huge one for career and that hasn't changed, but there are lots of things I could and so much I could contribute to many ppl adn things if I didn't have to focus on kids.

    I also am feeling drawn to the idea of fostering later in life.

    But then I think its not really a decision you can wait until you are 40 to make IYKWIM.

    I guess I would like to hear from ppl who had doubts about kids and how their life is now with kids?

    BTW this isn't a wierd way to bag out parents who say they wish they didn't have kids. I know every parent would die for their children and give there all to give htem everything that possibly can. But I am wondering what the reality actually is?

    I sort of feel like I don't need my own kids, that there are enough children and ppl in the world for me to contribute to that I would get much delight from.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Posts
    5,687
    Thanks
    1,089
    Thanked
    4,062
    Reviews
    3
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    I had similar thoughts at my 18 month mark for TTC, next minute - Pregnant!

    We had decided to delay TTC for a few years. Save for a house, travel a bit etc... I was making very good money and working a job I couldn't as a parent. I was only 22, so it wasn't like the clock was ticking, but DH was 29 and very 'ready'.

    Interestingly we were fostering at the time too.

    I have no answers for you specifically, but I love both our babies so much and nothing else could compare.

  3. The Following User Says Thank You to BlissedOut For This Useful Post:

    Buttoneska  (16-02-2012)

  4. #3
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Posts
    575
    Thanks
    25
    Thanked
    131
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by Buttoneska View Post

    I would have to stop my life for 20yrs to raise them.
    No that's the whole point don't stop your life it still continues you must have time out for yourself and be your own person as well

    Kids don't stop your life they just change it

  5. The Following User Says Thank You to ohdear For This Useful Post:

    KillerHeels  (18-02-2012)

  6. #4
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Posts
    2,100
    Thanks
    216
    Thanked
    376
    Reviews
    2
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    I totally understand. Although, like you said I'd do anything including die for for my children, there are times that I feel like I am missing out or that my life is "on hold" till they are older.

    I don't regret having children, never in a million years, but I was always one of those people who didn't want to have children, mainly because I felt I was too selfish.

    There are things I want to do that I just can't at the moment (study, relocate etc) because of the kids but I am willing to make that sacrifice. Doesn't mean its not disappointing though!

    Ok, rambling now, but I do understand how you feel!

  7. #5
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Posts
    3,257
    Thanks
    373
    Thanked
    393
    Reviews
    12
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    I felt the same after a year Of ttc - we'd already been married for 12 years and I was very used to how things were ...

    A month later we were pregnant.


    *** end of transmission ***

  8. #6
    mystical mumma's Avatar
    mystical mumma is offline * ʇı ǝןoʇs sǝıɹıɐɟ ǝɥʇ ˙˙˙puıɯ ʎɯ ʇsoן ʇuǝʌɐɥ ı *
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Posts
    836
    Thanks
    21
    Thanked
    95
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    I already have my ds and dss.
    So I still have kids, but we r almost at the 18 month mark of ttc and I'm thinking "why am I going back?"

    Enjoying a quiet drink of a Friday arvo on my back deck while the boys play soccer and it's all suddenly interrupted by the screaming baby next door...

    I don't like screaming babies all that much. I don't like vomit, I don't like changing Nappies and I rather enjoy my sleep. Lol.

  9. #7
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Posts
    10,609
    Thanks
    404
    Thanked
    1,920
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 posts
    My best friend and her husband are in their mid 30s and I watch her go through the same dilemma. She hasn't tried to conceive at all, but has the niggling feeling of "do we want children, will i regret it later on" etc. They may also have to use IVF due to a genetic condition so it's the extra hassle, when they don't feel clucky anyway.

    But, they do really enjoy their lifestyle - high income, overseas trips, eating out, having nice things at home that are not ruined by kids.

    I suppose it is about what gives you joy. My career gives me little joy, and travel and going out does give me joy, but my son gives me so much joy. I guess the other thing is that I don't really have much family, and I would like some as I get older, and think I would really like the opportunity for family as I age.

    I found the biggest negative impact a child had on our lives was income. He only goes to childcare part time, so we have lost a lot of our income and career opportunities. That is what is stopping us from travelling and doing more things, rather than our child.

    I also never wanted children. Until I turned 27, and one day was suddenly overcome by this huge urge to procreate. Prior to then I considered them to be a nuisance, and wanted nothing to do with them.

  10. #8
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Posts
    3,037
    Thanks
    1,498
    Thanked
    730
    Reviews
    2
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    We had initially decided not to have kids..then changed our minds ..had my girl when I was a week from my 29th bday...love her to pieces ..my best decision ever she is my best friend and my super love buggy!!!!...BUT

    They do change your life..you do kiddie stuff..which can be a little dull..if you do have a child..surround yourself with some fun mums..makes life with kids/babies a whole lot better!!(especially having a couple of glasses of bubbly over lunch)

    My girl is now 3 so a very fun age..I am not looking forward to tween/teen especially in this world we live in...we are done with one..she fits in well..we can still travel and have heaps of fun..any more we would be feeling trapped in kiddy land..also when she is not here it's back to me and her daddy having a ball!!..

  11. #9
    DanceInTheRain's Avatar
    DanceInTheRain is offline Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass...
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Posts
    1,577
    Thanks
    40
    Thanked
    103
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    I kinda feel the same but about having more kids. I have one amazing son who turns 2 in may. He is SUCH a good kid and we can still do so much that we used to be able to do that I'm scared if we have another things will really change. I originally wanted them close together but now I'm happy to wait. He is so cruisy, sleeps well, goes anywhere with no fuss, eats well and plays by himself happily. I don't think it's possible to get two like that haha.

    So yes I kind of feel your reservations. I'm only 25 and now that DS is no longer an infant I have been able to go back to having hobbies and a social life. My life is pretty near perfectly balanced at the moment between work, being a mummy and having my own time. Not sure I want to upset the balance just yet, but then again I don't want to look back and wish we had them closer together. It's hard!

  12. #10
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    Posts
    1,380
    Thanks
    432
    Thanked
    226
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    I totally understand where you are at. I too found myself with a lot of doubts and the longer it took us to conceive the more time I had to think about it all. Obviously we finally did concieve and all the doubt simply disappeard and I was left wondering if I kinda had these thoughts as some sort of defence mechanisim - like I was mentally grooming myself to accept that it was never gonna happen so started putting the negatives in my mind to make it easier to see a life without kids.

    You need to do what is right for you and I hope you find peace and happiness in whatever decission you make

  13. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to lovelymum For This Useful Post:

    Annabella  (18-02-2012),SpecialPatrolGroup  (17-02-2012)


 

Similar Threads

  1. New to the "area" :) Sorry, long intro and rant on absent father wanting kids back.
    By miss00binks in forum Step-parents / Blended families
    Replies: 4
    Last Post: 17-07-2012, 14:40

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

FEATURED SUPPORTER
CovitolCovitol Cream provides a thick, smooth barrier for long lasting protection and helps to relieve many skin irritations ...
FORUMS - chatting now ...
'Father to Son' sperm donationNon-IVF fertility assistance
Secret FB April DIGConception & Fertility General Chat
Sublime SeptemberConception & Fertility General Chat
new baby new mattress?General Parenting Tips, Advice & Chat
New iPhonesGeneral Parenting Tips, Advice & Chat
Early positive pregnancy testFirst Trimester Chat
Show me your sewing! #2Crafts and Hobbies
REVIEWS
"Made bed time less anxious"
by Meld85
My Little Heart Whisbear - the Humming Bear reviews ›
"Wonderful natural Aussie made product!"
by Mrstwr
Baby U Goat Milk Moisturiser reviews ›
"Replaced good quality with cheap tight nappies"
by Kris
Coles Comfy Bots Nappies reviews ›

ADVERTISEMENT