Late twenties? long term boyfriend??
I think your folks are still treating her like a child.
I was sixteen when my parents let me have my boyfriend stay. I had a very open and honest relationship with them and they realised 'it' was going to happen anyway, may as well be in the safe environment of home.
He ended up moving in with us so we could save for a deposit on our first home. At 20 years old we were home owners.
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15-02-2012 17:47 #81Senior Member
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15-02-2012 17:54 #82
IMO, society has largely moved away from the days where a boyfriend is a boyfriend and a husband is a husband. I consider my boyfriend to be the same as if he were my husband. We might not have married, but we have all the same legal rights and obligations to each other and I do not need a ring or a piece of paper to know that I choose him forever.
You are right - they could elect to go elsewhere. But perhaps OP's sister likes her own home? I can't understand why she would given how her parents view her relationship with her partner as one unworthy of sharing a bed, however all her stuff is probably there and I remember how annoying it was going back and forth between mine & DPs place when we first started dating.
What confuses me so much is why OPs parents feel that it is less her sisters home than it is theirs? I could never live with my parents again, however they have always made it clear to me that I can come and go from their home as I please and bring my friends as and when I like. I never took the mickey with this when I lived there - bringing home randoms or weird stuff like that - but it doesn't sound as if OPs sister is doing this either. Every family is different, but as I said in a previous post, this kind of dictatorship to a woman in her late 20's - well for me, it would be an easy way to quickly and completely alienate me.
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Alexander Beetle (15-02-2012)
15-02-2012 23:11 #83
I also think there's some confusion about how my parents have approached the issue. They've twice expressed their discomfort with the issue. They have not been stomping around yelling 'my house, my rules!'
I guess I just can't imagine living in my parent's house and repeatedly making a decision I know they are uncomfortable with, especially when I have an alternative (however undesirable it may be)
15-02-2012 23:15 #84
I just wanted to thank everyone who responded my post. I am especially thankful for the respectful manner in which everyone did so. Thanks again for your opinions guys
15-02-2012 23:25 #85
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16-02-2012 00:16 #86
16-02-2012 04:56 #87
Probably is a little but disrespectful, but she's late 20's. I think she's big enough to share a bed with her partner at your parents' house!
16-02-2012 07:16 #88
Your parents are allowing it to happen...so...if they really don't want it to they should act and say so.
I would allow my kids to have partners sleep over once they are 18. I just find it ridiculous to be uncomfortable about your grown offspring behaving in a thoroughly normal way by having sex.
16-02-2012 23:30 #89
But whether the issue is sex or something more trivial, do they not reserve the right to have their feelings respected?
17-02-2012 04:34 #90
Absolutely they do. In age and in culture they're not part of a generation that sees unmarried sex as appropriate under their roof. I think they've actually made huge compromises and been extremely accomadating, considering the context as you have explained it. The sooner your sister is out of the house and leading her own life the better for everyone. In the mean time, I do feel for you that she is not respecting their values. Both your sister and her bf have been taking advantage of your parents' values in different ways - and I do find their behaviour disrespectful and inappropriate given that they are adults and have other options and opportunities to conduct their relationship in the way that they wish.
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