my mum and dad were the same. When my BF stayed over he had to stay in the lounge room. At his mums house we were allowed to share a bed. My mum and dads rules were once you were engaged it was ok so we got engaged lol.. then found out we were pregnant with DD lol.. ( guess the seperation didnt work too well haha)
i guess if my kids havehad a longish term relationship and ask for their partner to stay over i would be ok with it ( 16+)
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14-02-2012 05:41 #11
14-02-2012 06:01 #12
Kinda disrespectful but does sound like an outdated rule. They should be putting there foot down if they feel so strongly about it. I think 16 if they have a steady girlfriend not any random girl and I will be getting permission from her parents first until the age of 18.
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14-02-2012 06:31 #13
I actually think your parents are being disrespectful of your sister and her obvious commitment to her partner, just because marriage isn't a priority for her for whatever reason.
Anyway, if they felt strongly enough about this, thy could put their foot down. But they haven't, so I guess they really dont care that much.
14-02-2012 07:20 #14
I agree with bada.
For my kids... I kinda don't really see myself with adult children living at home - I may change my mind when the time comes, but I would think I'd give my kids matching orders once they're able to be financially independent. I mean, not the minute they finish school, but probably before 21. I mean, I had jasper at 21, surely at 21 he can look at himself if I was looking after myself & him at 21 (with DF)
So in the way I see things going, no probably wouldn't let my children to bring home boyfriends/girlfriends.
But if for whatever reason I had adult children with long term partners living at home, yeah I'd probably let them have their partners share rooms. Particularly if they were living at home while their house was being built.
14-02-2012 07:40 #15
If your sister knows that your parents don't want them sleeping in the same bed then yes completely disrespectful, my parents sound very similar to yours and there is no way I would do that in saying that they still would have told me so too. Their house their rules, that's why I spent a lot of sleep over time at DH (had his own house) and took only 5 mths before I moved in (at 26).
In regards to our kid/s, I don't know maybe when their in their 20s.
14-02-2012 09:06 #16Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jan 2012
Very disrespectful. If your sister still wants to live with her parents at that age then she needs to be prepared to live by their rules. It's bizarre they don't spend all their time at her bf's house (I find it bizarre she doesn't just move in with him instead, but anyway). My parents never let us have boys sleep over - we weren't even allowed to get a double bed. My dad said "if we give you a double bed you'll never move out." They were right - I moved out at 19 mostly for that reason We were allowed to stay at boyfriend's houses though and now my sister is in her 20s, when she visits my parents with her partner they share a bed, but when we were younger it wasn't on. It was annoying but I totally understand from my parent's POV and I will probably be a similar annoying parent.
14-02-2012 09:18 #17Senior Member
- Join Date
- Aug 2009
i think both sides being disrespectful to a degree.
if your parents happy for her to call it her home...she should be treated as an adult and allowed to have her long term partner with her.
if it were strings of one night stands that would be different.
they need to sit down and discuss it.
as for my house...keeping in mind my kids are currently 7 and 1...i am not sure. in my head i would prefer no partner sleep overs till after they finish school. however, i am not sure i like the idea of ds having gf sleep over cause it might influence dd and with the big age gap...i don't want her walking in on stuff. so it might be no sleep overs for ds until dd over 16 lol
not sure...we will evolve our rules as the children grow and we get to know them as teens and then adults.
it would also depend on the partners parents knowing until both parties were over 18.
14-02-2012 09:29 #18Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jun 2009
My DH slept over twice at my parents house and that was when we were engaged and had an early start the next morning. And I asked my dad for permission both times, and I was 28.
It doesn't mean we never dtd at my parents house, but we just respected their rules about sleeping over. Never not once did I ever sleep at my sh parents house.
I will be the same as my parents. I am realistic, I know they'll have fun with their girlfriend/s but some respect for me has to be shown.
And they won't be allowed to bring home a bunch of partners. Only the long term partners, specifically those that they can see a bery long future or marriage with.
Maybe that's old fashioned but I don't care! My house my rules!
14-02-2012 09:48 #19
I think the my house, my rules thing being enforced when kids are into their late teens & twenties is a good way to alienate people you care for by forcing your opinions on them when they're old enough to make informed, rational choices.
I think my DD will be allowed to share a bed with a boyfriend we know in our home if she would like to from whenever we feel she's ready to handle the emotional side of s3x. It could be 16, it could be 18, it could be 35. But I'll always communicate with her about where she's at, & hopefully help her to be emotionally mature at an appropriate age.
Last edited by becandabub; 14-02-2012 at 09:51.
14-02-2012 09:55 #20
It's not like she's bringing home a string of guys, obviously she's committed to him if they're building a house together.
As for my kids, we're very religious and I hope my kids will wait for marriage, but that's their choice. Over 18 with a commitment though and I'm okay with it. I wouldn't want to alienate my family from our home.
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