AFM I loved breastfeeding but I had a LOT of support, DH would cook dinner while I did the last feed of the day, my parents came around nearly every day when I was establishing feeding to hang out washing, bring me food etc. Even then I remember many times sitting in bed feeding in the middle of the night feeling just absolutely overwhelmed by the relentlessness of it, every four hours for umpteen weeks I need to do this and nobody can do it for me. It's hard. I can completely understand the desire to mix feed and the feeling that it is a chore. Most of the time it is a chore - even if you love it it's not like you spend the whole 30-45 minutes gazing lovingly at your kid. 90% of the time it's something that needs to be done and only you can do it.
It takes a massive toll on your body, I got so skinny towards the end because DS was literally sucking all of the nutrients from my body.
Anyway I'm soliloquising but not actually answering your questions. Yes I remember the last breastfeed but didn't realise it would be the last one. When I realised I was upset because it was earlier than I hoped (at 14 months) and I hadn't intended to go cold turkey, but "don't offer, don't refuse". He never bloody asked for the b00b again! He was so delighted with his bottle of cow's milk I felt very rejected!
I look back at our bfing journey with happiness and I stare at mummies breastfeeding babies just a little bit too long because they look so beautiful.
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13-02-2012 16:19 #11
13-02-2012 17:56 #12Senior Member
- Join Date
- Dec 2008
Thank you for your replies. lovely and thoughtful replies.
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13-02-2012 23:39 #13
I remember the last time I fed ds1 (now 3)
I was almost four months pregnant. We were down to 1 feed (at bedtime) a day. It was a painful (nipples) and uncomfortable (big belly) experience by this stage. Combined with the fact that ds had started to lose interest and did more playing than feeding, I planned to wean.
Ds was 19 months at the time. I remember being disappointed that we didn't reach 2 years as I had planned.
I cried during that last breastfeed. I remember looking at him feeding and drifting off to sleep and my heart felt so heavy. I remember feeling as if I was somehow betraying him. I just felt that I was somehow destroying our bond. I remember wondering whether he'd ever let me hold him for so long again. It sounds so dramatic, but I'm a pretty emotional person.
The next day, ds and I went shopping for a special milk cup which I filled with warm milk to drink after bath and story. He was a little puzzled. I felt awful! I wanted to back up and declare that mummy's milk was back on the menu, but dh scooped him up and helped him drink his milk. I sat with him on the rocking chair and sang to him after lights went out. As he was drifting, he instinctively went looking for nipple but stopped after a few seconds.
The next few nights he protested a little but was easily distracted. I cried each evening for a week.
Now I look back on our time breastfeeding and I feel thankful for the opportunity to bf for the time that I did. There is a sadness that lingers, though. I think it's just the feeling I get when I watch him move through his childhood at a rate of knots. I just want to press the pause button.
To me, what you feel is perfect normal, particularly if the experience didn't go according to plan. But here's the thing, you nourished your ds in the best manner you knew how and I bet you did a much better job than you give yourself credit for.
14-02-2012 00:34 #14Senior Member
- Join Date
- Aug 2011
I remember it well. I had not fed her for about 2 days and one day she was being a bit grizzly and over-tired and decided to let her have a feed. Her eyes closed instantly and it was amazing. I gradually weaned (very gradually) from 10 months and by 12 months she had her last feed. I look back and feel happy I ended it that way. No guilt at all
14-02-2012 07:58 #15
Oh sloppy kisses your story made me cry I love his falling asleep with booby in his mouth face and im sad that one day it's not going to happen anymore .....
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14-02-2012 08:55 #16
I remember the last BF clearly. It was really nice actually, a good way to end it.
I had a lot of counselling to help me through it, and did the weaning during a residential stay at tresillian.
I still feel bad about it, some things people have said to me on here about how evil FF is have made me think it was my fault - I had a gallstone attack after labour and DD had to have formula that night as I was incapable of feeding her during the attack - it's been suggested to me that this caused her intolerance and I should have fed her through the pain.
I had a lot of feeding problems (still do, DD is still struggling to gain weight) so carry a lot of regrets and disappointment.
I keep reminding myself that there are plenty of other parenting choices ahead of us that will define us/DD so try to put BF in perspective.
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